And it all falls apart..
Hurtingdad, I'm sorry to hear the news too. Oh boy!!! I'm almost speechless, but I just want you to know I care, and am praying HP gets you through this.
I know it hurts and each time you hope this is the time he will stick with it, recovery. I know you can't help but feel disappointed. It's like watching someone take a turn for the worst. Thank goodness you don't see him right now.
May HP hold you, son and his mother in His loving care.
I know it hurts and each time you hope this is the time he will stick with it, recovery. I know you can't help but feel disappointed. It's like watching someone take a turn for the worst. Thank goodness you don't see him right now.
May HP hold you, son and his mother in His loving care.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hurting Dad, Just when you think things will finally be OK~~the other shoe drops. We have gone through that a few times till we are almost a year healthy here...(my son ))...My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have read your post and know your strong and can do this ~~but the pain still floats a bit with the worry of how he is doing. Hopefully your son realizes he needs help quickly before he is lost again..Hugs, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
HurtingDad, Goodness, it seems when WE think they're getting it, it's just our own wishful thoughts. You did good, REAL good. Yep, we still hurt when they relapse however IMO whatever time they have spent in rehab is STILL a seed planted.
Hugs,
Chris
Hugs,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Antioch, Ca.
Posts: 158
Hurting Dad,
sorry to hear this. Both of you are in my thoughts and prayer. I agree, your son is not the same person who went into treatment. HE has the tools he needs in his hands now. Let's have a little faith in him.
Try not to completely cut him off. At least make him comfortable enough to contact you so you are not so worried.
Sending good thoughts your way................:praying
PS> my son is still clean, loving life and really loving his job. Looking @ him yesterday, seeing his body filling out again, and of course, that beautiful smile, makes this long journey of addiction all worth while.
My hope for you is to bring you some of this peace.....Remember it is attainable
Susan:ghug
sorry to hear this. Both of you are in my thoughts and prayer. I agree, your son is not the same person who went into treatment. HE has the tools he needs in his hands now. Let's have a little faith in him.
Try not to completely cut him off. At least make him comfortable enough to contact you so you are not so worried.
Sending good thoughts your way................:praying
PS> my son is still clean, loving life and really loving his job. Looking @ him yesterday, seeing his body filling out again, and of course, that beautiful smile, makes this long journey of addiction all worth while.
My hope for you is to bring you some of this peace.....Remember it is attainable
Susan:ghug
Originally Posted by HurthingDad
This time while I am distressed it is not ripping out my heart and lungs, I've been through this too many times.
Your son knows where help is this time so I pray he will reach out again soon.
Big hugs for you because I know this stings.
(((hurting))) Yep...I do remember that fall. Even though I know better, I do tend to get my expectations up when my kid enters treatment or jail and gets a little clean time under her belt.
And, the problem with expectations is that, when unfulfilled, they turn into resentments. And that resentful anger is based in my fear.
I try to hit a bunch of meetings when this happens. That way, I can be reminded that the plan is IN PLACE. It is not my plan, but that of a higher power. And my kid CAN and WILL find exactly what she needs, when she needs it.
And each time of sobriety is a time of growth and learning, as is each relapse. It all comes together, nothing is a waste.
((((Hugs))))
And, the problem with expectations is that, when unfulfilled, they turn into resentments. And that resentful anger is based in my fear.
I try to hit a bunch of meetings when this happens. That way, I can be reminded that the plan is IN PLACE. It is not my plan, but that of a higher power. And my kid CAN and WILL find exactly what she needs, when she needs it.
And each time of sobriety is a time of growth and learning, as is each relapse. It all comes together, nothing is a waste.
((((Hugs))))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Hi,
Yes I've heard from him. He calls me (usually collect) to whine/complain/blame others and ask for money. I haven't given him any. I am reaching that point where I don't even pick up the telephone anymore because I don't want to refuse his call.
He called last night and I was in no mood. He was very shocked when I said, get into a program, I don't want to talk anymore. Goodnight.
You can only let yourself get smacked in the face so many times before you wonder --what's wrong with me. It doesn't mean I don't hope,care and love him. But my life and health are important.
Thanks for asking and thanks to all for their care, best wishes and prayers.
Yes I've heard from him. He calls me (usually collect) to whine/complain/blame others and ask for money. I haven't given him any. I am reaching that point where I don't even pick up the telephone anymore because I don't want to refuse his call.
He called last night and I was in no mood. He was very shocked when I said, get into a program, I don't want to talk anymore. Goodnight.
You can only let yourself get smacked in the face so many times before you wonder --what's wrong with me. It doesn't mean I don't hope,care and love him. But my life and health are important.
Thanks for asking and thanks to all for their care, best wishes and prayers.
You can only let yourself get smacked in the face so many times before you wonder --what's wrong with me. It doesn't mean I don't hope,care and love him. But my life and health are important.
Hugs
Oh I am really sorry, I know that stomach drop feeling when you 1st here they have left treatment, plus the BS they stories that go along with it. But you do sound to be taking it well and staying strong, that is a big plus for you!
Rose
Rose
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Antioch, Ca.
Posts: 158
Dear Hurting Dad,
Haven't been on site for a while and just read your post.
You know that there is nothing wrong with you, only your heart and soul are both crushed. There is no more crucial pain than watching your child destroy themselves. As i have gone thru what you have, I felt I was a walking Zombie. My son's addiction haunted my every thought. I searched, i prayed, I listened, to no avail. Your son is still in there, somewhere, and you have to find him. He is full of rage, anger, and very vile thoughts. As I went thru this, searching for an answer, I too, was told to walk away.
I am encouraging you to stand up and confront this demon. It was the hardest thing i had to do. As a mom of 3 sons, nothing prepared me for this. But i want to re-inforce, the state, your city is not responsible to attack this problem. You, as his father, is the one to do this. Only you, know your child. Find him in this demonic world he has created and make him face his addiction.
You are probably thinking right now, that i am totally nuts, and do not understand. But I do! Let me ask you, is it better walking around dreading every call, every day, waking up not knowing, or would it be better to face this and get on with life. It is not easy making our children face their problems in life, as we as parents feel we are there to protect and nurture. We do not want to attack their ego's, and make them face their problems and addictions. We are done, we have raised them.
My road has not been easy. My son still harbors some resentment of things I had to do and say to make him face his addiction.
He had a friend (girl) come in for the week last week from Houston As you know, they cut off all ties of the normal world, while using. I watched these two have the best time together. He worked all week, and in the evenings took her to Berkely, San Francisco, Sausilito. We were having Coffee yesterday morning before she flew home, and mentioned that my son had disappeared off the face of the earth for a year. Where was he? My heart sank, as i realized he had missed a year and a half of his life, but i am grateful that is all he lost. It has a slow process for my son, re-connecting, but as i watch his body fill out again, loving his job, and his beautiful smile return, it is worth everything I have gone thru with him.
i am only telling you this to help you, Hurting Dad. With so many telling you that you are powerless in this addiction world, I am telling you, that it can be conquered. It takes more of your parenting skills than ever, but it can and will be done. I am here to offer you hope.
Susan
Haven't been on site for a while and just read your post.
You know that there is nothing wrong with you, only your heart and soul are both crushed. There is no more crucial pain than watching your child destroy themselves. As i have gone thru what you have, I felt I was a walking Zombie. My son's addiction haunted my every thought. I searched, i prayed, I listened, to no avail. Your son is still in there, somewhere, and you have to find him. He is full of rage, anger, and very vile thoughts. As I went thru this, searching for an answer, I too, was told to walk away.
I am encouraging you to stand up and confront this demon. It was the hardest thing i had to do. As a mom of 3 sons, nothing prepared me for this. But i want to re-inforce, the state, your city is not responsible to attack this problem. You, as his father, is the one to do this. Only you, know your child. Find him in this demonic world he has created and make him face his addiction.
You are probably thinking right now, that i am totally nuts, and do not understand. But I do! Let me ask you, is it better walking around dreading every call, every day, waking up not knowing, or would it be better to face this and get on with life. It is not easy making our children face their problems in life, as we as parents feel we are there to protect and nurture. We do not want to attack their ego's, and make them face their problems and addictions. We are done, we have raised them.
My road has not been easy. My son still harbors some resentment of things I had to do and say to make him face his addiction.
He had a friend (girl) come in for the week last week from Houston As you know, they cut off all ties of the normal world, while using. I watched these two have the best time together. He worked all week, and in the evenings took her to Berkely, San Francisco, Sausilito. We were having Coffee yesterday morning before she flew home, and mentioned that my son had disappeared off the face of the earth for a year. Where was he? My heart sank, as i realized he had missed a year and a half of his life, but i am grateful that is all he lost. It has a slow process for my son, re-connecting, but as i watch his body fill out again, loving his job, and his beautiful smile return, it is worth everything I have gone thru with him.
i am only telling you this to help you, Hurting Dad. With so many telling you that you are powerless in this addiction world, I am telling you, that it can be conquered. It takes more of your parenting skills than ever, but it can and will be done. I am here to offer you hope.
Susan
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Sending prayers that your son gets back on the path to recovery soon...
For what it's worth...
My RAS didn't get it the first time, the second time or any time close to that number....
he is now 3 + years clean
the last time....the time that "worked"(for today).....seemed just like all the other times...
I had no idea it was THE time until it had been going on for awhile (and even then major bumps threatened to upset the progress) but somehow one day became another and soon we all realized we were breathing a bit easier (but only a bit because we knew we had been at that spot before)
as hard as it is...don't stop believing in miracles
I had to stop enabling (as you have) but I never stopped believing that the next time could be the charm....
please know that you and your son are in my prayers
For what it's worth...
My RAS didn't get it the first time, the second time or any time close to that number....
he is now 3 + years clean
the last time....the time that "worked"(for today).....seemed just like all the other times...
I had no idea it was THE time until it had been going on for awhile (and even then major bumps threatened to upset the progress) but somehow one day became another and soon we all realized we were breathing a bit easier (but only a bit because we knew we had been at that spot before)
as hard as it is...don't stop believing in miracles
I had to stop enabling (as you have) but I never stopped believing that the next time could be the charm....
please know that you and your son are in my prayers
My daughter was out there for a long time before she was finally ready to try and live a clean life. She has been clean for 13 months, but I had to find a way to totally let go until she got to the point of desperation. She was with another addict whose mother totally enabled their lifestyle. I, on the other hand, refused to enable the addiction. When my daughter got clean she told me that she felt sorry for her boyfriend because his mother just accepted his addiction while I refused to be part of it. When she wanted to get clean she said she knew that I would support her recovery and I have. So hang tough. When your son is ready for recovery he will know where he can turn for support. Hugs, Marle
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