Alaia

Hello..I haven't been around here in awhile. I got back together with ex-abf while he was in recovery. I was so happy for him...June 6th he had 7 months clean, working his program, had a job, went to meeting sometimes twice a day, had a sponsor, was living in a sober living facility and doing his community service as part of his probation. He was really turning his life around. I get a phone call from his mom about 3 weeks ago asking if he was back to his old ways. I said I hadn't really heard from him since we had been fighting a lot and were pretty much on the outs. He must have went to their house and stolen something. This should have been my first red flag. Next I notice my change jar is completly empty. (he had a key to my house) so I call him up and ask if he had come over and taken my change..of course he said no. But I knew he took it, there is no one else who has access to my house. last Friday I get a call from his ex that he is in jail. (he didn't even tell me he had court) he missed 2 drug tests from his po so they count them as positives and he had to go to court, where the po violated him and sent him off to jail. NOw mind u I am @ home sick with mono and he lives 30 minutes away from me, but has court in the same town I live in because I am the one who pressed charges against him for cleaning out my checking account and forging checks about this time last year. All his charges were continued without a finding as long as he stayed clean and finished a program. All he had to do was stay clean. He was doing so good. 7 months clean and he just threw it all away. I know I didn't make him take the drugs, but I do feel like I might have caused some stress on him. we were fighting a lot. I don't blame myself for his actions. I wasn't happy in our one-sided relationship (as I like to call it) so I guess this is my easy out. It just stinks that he relapsed. I really though, hoped and prayed that this time he was gonna stay sober. it was the most clean time he ever had. I am still so foolish to believe that maybe, just maybe this time would be different. I don't know why I have held on this long, when I should have ran a long time ago. I guess I just needed to vent a little.

ex D-Boy

Try not to think of him as "throwing it all away". He did relapse and that is never okay but, those 7 months that he put together made him realize that he can have a good life as long as he vigorously works a program of recovery. Every addict is able to gain some insight into their behavioral patterns, how certain triggers//stressors will lead to unhealthy thoughts of using from a relapse period.

I had 10 months sober 2 years ago when I first attempted recovery. Around that 1st week into my 10 month I relapsed. Not only my family but I was completely devastated and my confidence was broken. Unfortunately, relapse is often(not always) an essential part in an addicts recovery. It helps us learn more about ourselves and our patterns and how to recognize + stop them before things get out of hand. The ones who really want recovery badly enough will pick themselves up and work even harder the next time around.

I hope your ex-abf manages to learn something from this relapse and remember not to get complacent or ever start to think that hes got this thing nipped clean. Addiction feeds off arrogance.

I know you said you realize you didnt make him take any of the drugs but right after that you put "but I did add some stress into his life" Kinda makes me feel like you do feel a bit guilty for his relapse when you shouldn't. He needs to learn coping mechanisms for dealing with stress, especially in male + female relationships.

Hope you have a good night to offset this bad news :\ ~~ Scott

Freedom1990

Life isn't easy, nor is it stress-free. Part of recovery is learning to deal with stress because it does happen.

I've been through more crap in recovery than I did when I was actively using/drinking.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

:ghug :ghug

Alaia

Thank u Ex-D boy...I shouldn't look at his relapse as throwing his life away...but the way I see it is he had this last chance to pull it together without being charged with felonies and having a record and having to do actual jail time...which I know for a fact he was scared to death of having to go to jail. I really wish he had told me about his court date. He can't call me either cause they can only make collect calls and I only have a cell phone. I just hate seeing him have to start over again (he has been through other programs) and now with a record its gonna be that much harder for him to get a good job. We have been through a lot and I love him very much...but at this point I can't handle it anymore. Maybe I need to walk away for him to get better because he knows I will try and help him as much as I can. Maybe he needs to not have anyone in his life. His parents are fed up too. They are not even on speaking terms with him.

Alaia

That is so very true. This is what he chose...but that's not my choice and i shouldn't feel guilty or have to put up with it. If only I didn't feel a little guilty...but I am trying. Thank u Anvil.