Trying to change other people
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Trying to change other people
This is a recurring problem for me and I realize on a "head" level that it just doesn't ever work. This is a daily reading that I got from Hazelden this morning and it reminded me how I need to stay out of other people's choices and business....
What I said never changed anybody; what they understood did.
--Paul. P.
How often have we given our all to change somebody else? How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light? How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern - perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience - bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?
All of us have.
We would do anything to save the people we love. In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words in just the right way, our loved ones will understand.
If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.
If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed. But neither is true. Even our best efforts don't have the power to change someone else. Nor do we have that responsibility. People are only persuaded by what they understand. And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time to grow toward deeper understanding. Not before.
Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power who loves them even more than I do.
What I said never changed anybody; what they understood did.
--Paul. P.
How often have we given our all to change somebody else? How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light? How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern - perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience - bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?
All of us have.
We would do anything to save the people we love. In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words in just the right way, our loved ones will understand.
If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.
If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed. But neither is true. Even our best efforts don't have the power to change someone else. Nor do we have that responsibility. People are only persuaded by what they understand. And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time to grow toward deeper understanding. Not before.
Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power who loves them even more than I do.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
This is what I have been thinking about all week as I have spent all my time, energy and not to mention money trying to change someone else. What have I accomplished besides having no time to my self, being so tired that I have to drag myself out of bed and having no money to get the things THAT I WANT!!! I really changed things for my loved one didn't I? I would LOL, but its just not funny.
Thanks for the post and reminder.
Gotahavfaith
Thanks for the post and reminder.
Gotahavfaith
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
So true! Wished i could learn to master changing myself.
Originally Posted by lightseeker 
How often have we given our all to change somebody else? How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light? How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern - perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience - bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?
We would do anything to save the people we love. In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words in just the right way, our loved ones will understand.
.
Yvonne
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
I am starting to realize that being positive with myself and everything around me and being smart about how I observe things from a "live and let live" approach, it sure is a heck of a lot less stressful. I also focus on what I can control, my representation of what good is and hopefully someone will catch the contagious glow. I have also learned to act silly and have fun at times to remind myself that life doesn't always have to be so serious all the time. The laughter with my little one is a cure for worry any day.
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