I'm stuck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 7
I'm stuck.
Hello, thanks for allowing me to post in this forum.
In a nutshell, Im a recovering addict, married to an active addict, with a 14 year old daughter.
I got sober in 2003, but had 2 relapses before 2005, and have been sober every since.
My husband got sober in 2005 and was put on suboxone, which helped immensely, it really has, but to combat the tiredness, he was put on Ritalin(can you believe it)?. Now, he does have ADD, and was misdiagnosed since childhood, and I suppose it would help him concentrate if he didnt abuse it.
I feel there must be something else out there for him to take to counteract the tiredness.
Before the ritalin(which he was put on last year), things were going well, paying bills, we bought a home, a car, we both have jobs, we were doing the right things. Then the ritalin came along and immediately, he changed. His emotions depended on whether he had this pill or not, and he has always denied he had a problem with it.
He gets a script of 90 pills for every two weeks, and is out within one week, on each script.
He sniffs them, when he takes to much, he gets emotional and confrontational. My daughter takes it for her ADHD, and he takes hers and denies it..Ive tried everything, locked it up, hid it, EVERYTHING and he always finds it.
He knows I am afraid to call the police on him, I dont want him to go away, I just want him to stop and he cant or wont. Can I contact is doctor in private and will he listen to me? I dont want my husband off the suboxone as this is not the problem.
I cant kick him out, we are both on the mortgage and he wont leave by my threatening him, he tells me I can leave.
I know I am an enabler, and I just need support right now. I dont believe he has any pills until a few weeks, so he will calm down and be nice, apologize, and then it starts all over again. He blames me, that he works, cooks, cleans, shops, and you know what, he does. When he is not using, he is a great person, and a husband who doesnt slack in anything.
But he is very sick, and I need a way out.
I am at my wits end.
To top it off, we had a joint checking account, but he has a new hobbie of ordering coins off the internet, which is fine, but he does it without concern for what is in the checking account. So last week, I took my name off and got my own. He is very impulsive, has no regard for consequences.
I know what i need to do, but how do I get there. He is not just an addict to me, he is my husband,and my childs father(she is so done with him at this point)....
Lord knows I have my issues, but I go to work, pay my bills, try to be a good parent, and stay sober, if not for me, for my daughter....I cant take this anymore.
Sorry so wordy,,just trying to give you an idea of my chaos.
It's like he's a binge ritalin user.......
In a nutshell, Im a recovering addict, married to an active addict, with a 14 year old daughter.
I got sober in 2003, but had 2 relapses before 2005, and have been sober every since.
My husband got sober in 2005 and was put on suboxone, which helped immensely, it really has, but to combat the tiredness, he was put on Ritalin(can you believe it)?. Now, he does have ADD, and was misdiagnosed since childhood, and I suppose it would help him concentrate if he didnt abuse it.
I feel there must be something else out there for him to take to counteract the tiredness.
Before the ritalin(which he was put on last year), things were going well, paying bills, we bought a home, a car, we both have jobs, we were doing the right things. Then the ritalin came along and immediately, he changed. His emotions depended on whether he had this pill or not, and he has always denied he had a problem with it.
He gets a script of 90 pills for every two weeks, and is out within one week, on each script.
He sniffs them, when he takes to much, he gets emotional and confrontational. My daughter takes it for her ADHD, and he takes hers and denies it..Ive tried everything, locked it up, hid it, EVERYTHING and he always finds it.
He knows I am afraid to call the police on him, I dont want him to go away, I just want him to stop and he cant or wont. Can I contact is doctor in private and will he listen to me? I dont want my husband off the suboxone as this is not the problem.
I cant kick him out, we are both on the mortgage and he wont leave by my threatening him, he tells me I can leave.
I know I am an enabler, and I just need support right now. I dont believe he has any pills until a few weeks, so he will calm down and be nice, apologize, and then it starts all over again. He blames me, that he works, cooks, cleans, shops, and you know what, he does. When he is not using, he is a great person, and a husband who doesnt slack in anything.
But he is very sick, and I need a way out.
I am at my wits end.
To top it off, we had a joint checking account, but he has a new hobbie of ordering coins off the internet, which is fine, but he does it without concern for what is in the checking account. So last week, I took my name off and got my own. He is very impulsive, has no regard for consequences.
I know what i need to do, but how do I get there. He is not just an addict to me, he is my husband,and my childs father(she is so done with him at this point)....
Lord knows I have my issues, but I go to work, pay my bills, try to be a good parent, and stay sober, if not for me, for my daughter....I cant take this anymore.
Sorry so wordy,,just trying to give you an idea of my chaos.
It's like he's a binge ritalin user.......
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning and welcome to SR......
I just wanted to say that there are always ways to move forward, it's just that sometimes they seem like impossibilities at first. Opening your own checking account was a smart first step.
The reason I came running to SR is the addicted son of my fiance, so I can't really offer any of my own experience in your case.
There will be people along soon who can offer you both their support and their experience and hope!
Good luck! Keep reading, Keep posting! Hugs, HG
I just wanted to say that there are always ways to move forward, it's just that sometimes they seem like impossibilities at first. Opening your own checking account was a smart first step.
The reason I came running to SR is the addicted son of my fiance, so I can't really offer any of my own experience in your case.
There will be people along soon who can offer you both their support and their experience and hope!
Good luck! Keep reading, Keep posting! Hugs, HG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 7
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it and it was good to see before I go to work! I am glad I am not in his hell, and dont want my marriage to end over this! Im fighting for us, but it's a lonely battle.
Take care and best wishes..hugs to you back!
Take care and best wishes..hugs to you back!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
I'm not much help either but I surely do feel bad that you and your daughter have to go through this.
I'm kind of curious if those more experienced here will say to let the doctor know he is abusing the Ritalin. I know I'd be tempted to but I'm not sure either if it would be the right thing to do.
KariSue
I'm kind of curious if those more experienced here will say to let the doctor know he is abusing the Ritalin. I know I'd be tempted to but I'm not sure either if it would be the right thing to do.
KariSue
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 98
Hey how ya doing?
I'm kinda working my way through issues with my AB so I'm sorry I'm no help with advice. Can always listen though
What a crappy situation and when you're already so involved with so much together, especially your daughter it like what do I do? Don't know about the whole doctor thing. I know I would be the same way but like KariSue said, not sure if that's the right thing to do either. You'd think the doctor would catch on after a while with his scripts running out so quick. Maybe there's other alternatives you can research. Not real sure but can't hurt to look. Good luck in your situation and sorry you're going through it. Always here to listen...and way to go on your sobriety!!!!
I'm kinda working my way through issues with my AB so I'm sorry I'm no help with advice. Can always listen though
What a crappy situation and when you're already so involved with so much together, especially your daughter it like what do I do? Don't know about the whole doctor thing. I know I would be the same way but like KariSue said, not sure if that's the right thing to do either. You'd think the doctor would catch on after a while with his scripts running out so quick. Maybe there's other alternatives you can research. Not real sure but can't hurt to look. Good luck in your situation and sorry you're going through it. Always here to listen...and way to go on your sobriety!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Hi and welcome to SR. My husband is a recovering addict and we've gone through the tiredness/ADD medication thing. Luckily, all of his docs know that he suffers from addiction and prescribe accordingly. A doctor that understands addiction would never prescribe Ritalin.....it is easily abused. You could try telling the doctor but it would likely result in him finding another doctor that would do what he wants. The problem isn't the doctor really....it's where your husband is in his process. Which - we all know (dang it!) is his and not anyone elses. My husband has almost 4 years of sobriety and is now toying with the idea of being able to take a drink. Maybe he could make it work for the short run but in the long run I'm guessing that it would eventually lead him back to crack. Trying to stop his thinking/actions would be like trying to dam up water that is already a tidal wave....it just doesn't work....although my stinkin thinkin believes that lecturing him, getting upset about all of this, worrying him about it, trying to get him to reason and see the light is the way to go. Luckily, my years in recovery remind me to keep the focus on myself and make sure that I am prepared. I have made a bottom line for myself that states that I will not live around active addiction no matter what the substance. Am I ready to make that happen if he starts drinking and if I'm not - then what do I need to do? That's just my bottom line and I'm not saying that it should be yours or anyone elses. I just know that being around active addiction makes my life unserene (is that a word?) and unmanageable. I can't change him but I can change whether I am around it.
I understand the mortgage stuff/finances because I am there. It is worth getting legal advice to at least know your options regarding what happens if you want to leave. No house is worth exposing children to active addiction in my opinion. I live in a wonderful house that my husband gutted and rennovated. I stand to lose a lot of money/lifestyle if I leave it but I will do whatever it takes if I have to. It has taken me 4 years to get to this point so I'm not saying it's fast - or at least it hasn't been for me. I finally value me and my serenity more than I do our relationship. It's hard to deal with intermittant reinforcement which is what you are dealing with - great when he's great but not when he's not. If he were all bad it would be easy. It's this back and forth that is crazy making.
I think that getting off the joint account was a great move. Is there anything else that is held jointly other than the mortgage? Going to meetings, having a sponsor, continuing to stay in a step all help me a whole lot. No one is walking in your shoes so no one can tell you the answer for you. It's difficult but by continuing to do just one thing at a time you'll get to wherever it is you need to be.
I understand the mortgage stuff/finances because I am there. It is worth getting legal advice to at least know your options regarding what happens if you want to leave. No house is worth exposing children to active addiction in my opinion. I live in a wonderful house that my husband gutted and rennovated. I stand to lose a lot of money/lifestyle if I leave it but I will do whatever it takes if I have to. It has taken me 4 years to get to this point so I'm not saying it's fast - or at least it hasn't been for me. I finally value me and my serenity more than I do our relationship. It's hard to deal with intermittant reinforcement which is what you are dealing with - great when he's great but not when he's not. If he were all bad it would be easy. It's this back and forth that is crazy making.
I think that getting off the joint account was a great move. Is there anything else that is held jointly other than the mortgage? Going to meetings, having a sponsor, continuing to stay in a step all help me a whole lot. No one is walking in your shoes so no one can tell you the answer for you. It's difficult but by continuing to do just one thing at a time you'll get to wherever it is you need to be.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Friend,
Did you just take your name off of the account, or was your responsibility removed as well? I think with some banks you would need to close the account and he would have to open a new one in his name for your responsibility to be removed. Just wanted you to double check that.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
Did you just take your name off of the account, or was your responsibility removed as well? I think with some banks you would need to close the account and he would have to open a new one in his name for your responsibility to be removed. Just wanted you to double check that.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
If your daughter is in school you can have them hold it for her in the office with special permission from the doctor. During the summer she can go to a grandmother or aunt who can give her her meds nearby. If there is a scenerio with no family, you can find one of her friends' moms who can hang onto it. It may be embarrasing, but if you explain to them you will have a witness if he ever tried to harm someone to get the meds? I think that because he knows you are scared and trapped he will get a power trip and aggresive you need to have an escape plan just in case. You are in a dangerous situation and if your daughter cried to someone about him abusing her in any way due to his moods, you could have CPS at your doorstep asking why she is not your number one priority? Do you have someone you could stay with if this gets progressive? (Without help you see that it does...why wait for the wcscenerio?) Good luck and please protect your daughter...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 7
It's been a year since I posted regarding my situation. A lot has happened , and my DH is still relapsing left and right.
He is slowly killing himself.
So, yesterday, I filed for separation. He does not know this yet. He's making his choices and I'm making mine. This is very difficult. He is not ready.
I am very sad. But I know I have no control over his disease. I hope once he is out and on his own, he will get the help he needs. If he doesnt, then I can't control that either. I'm done with the dishonesty and chaos.
Uggh.....
He is slowly killing himself.
So, yesterday, I filed for separation. He does not know this yet. He's making his choices and I'm making mine. This is very difficult. He is not ready.
I am very sad. But I know I have no control over his disease. I hope once he is out and on his own, he will get the help he needs. If he doesnt, then I can't control that either. I'm done with the dishonesty and chaos.
Uggh.....
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