Setting Boundaries
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Zachary, Louisiana
Posts: 20
Setting Boundaries
Hi, everyone. I wanted to get your thoughts on setting healthy boundaries.
Are there mandatory boundaries that must be set when dealing with an ALO or are the boundaries one sets depend on the situation and how active the addiciton is?
Would anyone share there thoughts and maybe provide examples of healthy boundaries you have set? Also, do you share your boundaries with your ALO and if so, how do you suggest this be done?
Are there mandatory boundaries that must be set when dealing with an ALO or are the boundaries one sets depend on the situation and how active the addiciton is?
Would anyone share there thoughts and maybe provide examples of healthy boundaries you have set? Also, do you share your boundaries with your ALO and if so, how do you suggest this be done?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
First I had to understand that the 'boundaries' I set were for ME not for the A in my life.
What was I not comfortable with and what I could live with. I also had to learn what I deemed the consequences to be if those boundaries were crossed and ........................ I had to be ready to enforce the consequences.
My boundaries were simple once I figured them out:
No alcohol or drugs around me.
Do not come around me or into my home if you have been using.
No yelling, ranting, raving, screaming. I will respect you, therefore, you WILL respect me.
You will do your 'fair share' around here, you will pick up after yourself.
My consequences:
If you cannot live by my boundaries, then there is the door, do not let it hit you in the azz on the way out.
Now, true, that is a simplification, lol just used to give you an idea of what I had to set for ME, not for the A. Turns out these many years later, those boundaries are still in place in my home and around me, and it has worked great.
I M H O, boundaries do not have to be repeated over and over. They are shared with the A and/or others and that's it. That however, only works if I am READY to enforce the boundaries I set.
I choose today to live in peace and serenity. I no longer ride the roller coaster. It took me time, lots of time to reach that point. I no longer tolerate nor want 'toxic' people in my life.
Only you can decide what is acceptable behavior and what is not, and for each of us that is different.
Hope that didn't confuse you any more than you are, lol
Love and hugs,
What was I not comfortable with and what I could live with. I also had to learn what I deemed the consequences to be if those boundaries were crossed and ........................ I had to be ready to enforce the consequences.
My boundaries were simple once I figured them out:
No alcohol or drugs around me.
Do not come around me or into my home if you have been using.
No yelling, ranting, raving, screaming. I will respect you, therefore, you WILL respect me.
You will do your 'fair share' around here, you will pick up after yourself.
My consequences:
If you cannot live by my boundaries, then there is the door, do not let it hit you in the azz on the way out.
Now, true, that is a simplification, lol just used to give you an idea of what I had to set for ME, not for the A. Turns out these many years later, those boundaries are still in place in my home and around me, and it has worked great.
I M H O, boundaries do not have to be repeated over and over. They are shared with the A and/or others and that's it. That however, only works if I am READY to enforce the boundaries I set.
I choose today to live in peace and serenity. I no longer ride the roller coaster. It took me time, lots of time to reach that point. I no longer tolerate nor want 'toxic' people in my life.
Only you can decide what is acceptable behavior and what is not, and for each of us that is different.
Hope that didn't confuse you any more than you are, lol
Love and hugs,
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