28Days

I just really need to get this all out, and maybe get some advice...support...anything?

I am in love with a pothead. I have loved him since before it became a problem. I could recount for you every stepping stone as it got worse. Every time he let me down. Every chance I gave him. Every step he made to get better. Every thing I tried to get through to him. And every time that he started to get better. And every time he just gave it up.

I just don't know what I can do anymore. I know that I can't help him until he wants to help himself. I know that he won't change, or quit until he wants to. I have been trying to get him to open his eyes to the reasons he needs to quit. I feel like I've tried it all. I don't know what else I can do. I've stopped talking to him, I've threatened to leave him, I've left him, I've yelled and screamed. I've exposed him to his friends and family, I've sympathized and tried to get to the root of the problem, we've physically fought over it. I don't know what else could be tried. There's bound to be something.

He was doing so well lately. And then recently, he gave it all up again. And booted me out of his life. He hasn't spoken to me in almost a month now. We live in the same apartment building, and I can't see him. He kicked me out of his life, two weeks after saying that he couldn't imagine his life without me.

He's done this so many times before, I want to just not be there when he comes back, like he always does, to show him that he can't act like this, and can't treat me like this. But at the same time, I'm worried that would cause adverse affects. But at the same time, I couldn't imagine not being there for him.

I feel like I'm trapped....And it's so devestating....

Spiritual Seeker

sounds like it is time to move on. What are you afraid of.? Focus on answering this and progress can be made.

28Days

I'm afraid to lose him completely. I'm afraid that something really bad is going to happen, either to him, his family, or someone that I care about. I'm afraid to lose this fight. I'm afraid that he's going to let it get too far. I'm afraid that the guy I fell in love with may be gone forever...And I'm afraid that I'll never love someone like I love him. When he's clean...nothing could be better.....

I'm afraid for what's going to happen if he continues to use.

Lovestoomuch

That above statement alone........I agree with Spiritual Seeker. I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this....but I think it's time to move on. You can't control the outcome of what he's doing and you're only driving yourself crazy in thinking you can. Consider him walking away a gift........and trust me....you will fall in love again.

lunarise

28....

My huzzy has some pot use issues also....I feel ya! If you ever wanna chat PM me or I am found in the chat room alot. I wish you the best. Try to remember above all else take care of yourself!

:ghug3

breakingfree88

28...
I don't want to offend you but you say that you're afraid to lose this fight..but the thing we have to accept is that its not our battle to fight! You two are both adults and nothing BAD is neccesarily going to happen to the ones we love just because we walk away from someone who is hurting us. He's made it loud and clear that the drug is more important than any relationship he could have. If you really love him, you'll respect his wishes (no matter how scary the outcome could be..in your thoughts) and move on.
I wish you the best.

suki44883

It's not your fight, sweetie. I know how hard that is to grasp...I'm having problems with it my own self. You have to move on and take care of you. (((HUGS)))

outtolunch

Whew ! That's a lot of fear. That's also a lot of ego.

The most challenging lesson for all of us is that we have absolutely no control over other people and their choices.

He's made his choice to continue using and not have you as a part of his life.

Accept this and move on.

imallright

28.... ditto... Have been there myself. I think I know how you feel. Sometimes people will say, "it's just weed, big deal"... but trust me... it is a big deal. It's not fun to come second to any drug. My soon to be ex-husband's affair with Mary Jane... did more damage to me and our family than any "real" affair ever could have caused. If you want, PM me. I will be glad to talk more.

Take care of you.