Progress - The Safety Deposit Box
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 59
Progress - The Safety Deposit Box
Things have slowly been getting better for me (mentaly/physically) since leaving my ex-aficance. Although I was dreading moving back to my parents home while I get on my feet, it has actually been extremely cathartic.
I made a huge step for myself mentally today...
1.) I had a YEAR's worth of old receipts, paperwork, and tax stuff (15-20 pounds) of which I put into a black plastic hefty back and shoved to the back of the closet. I just couldn't deal with it, the amount of crap that I needed to destroy-shred was overwhelming, and I've ignored the bag for 2 months. Today I finally got rid of it all. Felt really great.
2.) Ever since October 2006, the first time I realized that my ex-afiance was an "addict who steals my stuff", all of my valuables (jewelry, checks, personal items, car titles, etc etc) has been in a safety deposit box at the bank. When it first occurred in 2006, I whipped thru my home like it was on fire, thowing everything of value into a bag and took it to the bank. Until I moved back to my parents home in another state, I hadn't really looked in the safety deposit box except when I had to get a birth certificate or something. I have worn no jewerly since that day. None. I was afraid to buy anything special for fear that it would be pawned. The only thing that I left out was my iPod (which he did pawn this year), so my decision to keep everthing in a monstrously (embarrassingly) HUGE box at the bank continued to be affirmed over the years. +++But today I finally emptied the contents and began to rediscover all the precious (sentimental and $$) that I hadn't seen in almost 3 years! Necklaces that took me 3 hours to untangle, rings, my dead grandmothers' letters and prayer rosary. Religious items from my gradfather. Wow.
It was really a Reality Check for me. Realizing that I hadn't even seen these things in 3 years. Beautiful memories, tucked away. I realized that I had been living with so much fear of being stolen from, my "tangible" memories gone, that a wave of relief washed over me as I was able to look at them again without being afraid that I have to "hide" them again before discovery. I feel very relieved today.
I guess I wanted to share this story, because I know that, like me, many of you are living daily with the fear of theft by a loved one. I had become so conditioned to accept that it was "normal" to live with this "fact of life". I accepted it as part of my life. I allowed it. Permitted it. Became numb to life any other way. Today I realized that by permitting this addict to be a part of my life, I also accepted the awful behavior that comes along with that choice: welcoming a thief into my home and into my bed. This is no longer acceptable behavior to me....
Right now, I am wearing earrings, a butterfly necklace, a ring, a bracelet, and a watch... and I feel terrific!! I plan to leave them next to the bedside table when I go to bed, and I'm sure they will be in the exact same place I left them when I wake up tomorrow morning!!
I made a huge step for myself mentally today...
1.) I had a YEAR's worth of old receipts, paperwork, and tax stuff (15-20 pounds) of which I put into a black plastic hefty back and shoved to the back of the closet. I just couldn't deal with it, the amount of crap that I needed to destroy-shred was overwhelming, and I've ignored the bag for 2 months. Today I finally got rid of it all. Felt really great.
2.) Ever since October 2006, the first time I realized that my ex-afiance was an "addict who steals my stuff", all of my valuables (jewelry, checks, personal items, car titles, etc etc) has been in a safety deposit box at the bank. When it first occurred in 2006, I whipped thru my home like it was on fire, thowing everything of value into a bag and took it to the bank. Until I moved back to my parents home in another state, I hadn't really looked in the safety deposit box except when I had to get a birth certificate or something. I have worn no jewerly since that day. None. I was afraid to buy anything special for fear that it would be pawned. The only thing that I left out was my iPod (which he did pawn this year), so my decision to keep everthing in a monstrously (embarrassingly) HUGE box at the bank continued to be affirmed over the years. +++But today I finally emptied the contents and began to rediscover all the precious (sentimental and $$) that I hadn't seen in almost 3 years! Necklaces that took me 3 hours to untangle, rings, my dead grandmothers' letters and prayer rosary. Religious items from my gradfather. Wow.
It was really a Reality Check for me. Realizing that I hadn't even seen these things in 3 years. Beautiful memories, tucked away. I realized that I had been living with so much fear of being stolen from, my "tangible" memories gone, that a wave of relief washed over me as I was able to look at them again without being afraid that I have to "hide" them again before discovery. I feel very relieved today.
I guess I wanted to share this story, because I know that, like me, many of you are living daily with the fear of theft by a loved one. I had become so conditioned to accept that it was "normal" to live with this "fact of life". I accepted it as part of my life. I allowed it. Permitted it. Became numb to life any other way. Today I realized that by permitting this addict to be a part of my life, I also accepted the awful behavior that comes along with that choice: welcoming a thief into my home and into my bed. This is no longer acceptable behavior to me....
Right now, I am wearing earrings, a butterfly necklace, a ring, a bracelet, and a watch... and I feel terrific!! I plan to leave them next to the bedside table when I go to bed, and I'm sure they will be in the exact same place I left them when I wake up tomorrow morning!!
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: columbia maryland
Posts: 13
Right now, I am wearing earrings, a butterfly necklace, a ring, a bracelet, and a watch... and I feel terrific!! I plan to leave them next to the bedside table when I go to bed, and I'm sure they will be in the exact same place I left them when I wake up tomorrow morning!!
I can totally relate to this (as I'm sure everyone here can). My son is currently in rehab and I no longer have to sleep with my car keys etc. under my pillow. There was only so much stuff one could stuff under a pillow and still be able to sleep.
I can totally relate to this (as I'm sure everyone here can). My son is currently in rehab and I no longer have to sleep with my car keys etc. under my pillow. There was only so much stuff one could stuff under a pillow and still be able to sleep.
learning to live for me
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
such,
your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so proud of you and happy for you! You have your memories back and they're safe!!!
I bet you're beautiful with all those sparklies on!
Love,
Holly
your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so proud of you and happy for you! You have your memories back and they're safe!!!
I bet you're beautiful with all those sparklies on!
Love,
Holly
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: london
Posts: 30
WOW. that is such an incredible share. I can completely relate to it. The physical things are so pertinent - having them locked away and so on . It just mirrors what we are also doing with our emotional selves, while we cope with addiction : so clear it screams at ya. Itha made me shake reading.
well done , you are beautiful now you are out of the deposit box .
well done , you are beautiful now you are out of the deposit box .
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