pepper13

ok heres one post

pepper13

heres one more now can i send messages? sorry not to disrupt the flow just wanted to write someone a message

sandrawg

Hi all-I haven't been on this forum for a long time...my bf was using coke back in April of last year, and I turned to this forum for solace. Well, we got back together under his promises that he'd stop using. It turned out to be a hollow promise--he used again last Sunday night. He thinks the real problem is his drinking--he was three sheets to the wind when he did the coke--I don't know. I think he does have a drinking problem, but he's just an AID (addict in denial) in general.

I had to stick to my guns and dump him--I mean, I couldn't have told him in more ways that coke was my main dealbreaker. Now he's saying a lot of good things about changing his life, but I know better than to take him back. I'm staying away, even though I miss him like h*ll and it's so incredibly hard. I know this is the best for both of us.

So thank you all so much for this post and all the great replies-I needed it. Reading this has helped me feel so much less alone...OP, you are doing the right thing!!! We are both doing the right thing...this is best for you but you don't realize--it's the best thing for him too. Like my bf, he needs to hit bottom. My bf was able to ignore the things he lost before, but I know he loves me to the extent an addict is able to, and losing me for good is a wakeup call.

I make no promises to him about my involvement in his life in the future. Right now, I'm communicating my support from a safe distance--emailing and texting--and that's it.

Sorry if I hijacked your thread-i'll probably be posting my own soon! Hang in there, everyone...

whereami

My Pro/Con list is exactly what I refer to when I get lonely. I think of other things to do, yoga, walk with baby stroller, paint, write, etc. I can never get lonely if I appreciate my blessings and the lack of drama...My pro list was a warm body, a few good times and someone who was cool at one point...my con list had 23 items all mature/addiction/genetic reasons to run! I am 7 months away from him and let me tell ya...the bills are coming down, baby smiles every day and my new job is going to rock! Not to mention that I have been praying for recovery and taking action and I see a difference in my health and eating choices, I am smaller than I was before my pregnancy! It will come day by day until you realize Oh my! The biggest worry I face is what to cook for dinner...just think of the good things you want and grab the reigns ...You can do it, believe you can.

sandrawg

This is a good point. I can sit in my house tonight, and not worry that my bf is out with his friends, drinking so much that he can't even text me anything coherent...I don't have to sit here, frantically worrying, will he drink so much that he ends up hooking up with another woman...or does something stupid and gets arrested...I'm so tired of that. All the pros (his sweetness, his affection, etc.) don't make up for those cons.

Abundance

I love that this thread is called "Lies........ the end result."

Someone telling you a lie and feeling really really really bad about it is one thing.

And then there is someone who tells you many many many lies... over and over again.

When the spaces start getting closer...... like labor pains... they become faster and stronger - with less time between. And then those pains result in birth - "OUR" re-birth!!


That is the end result - being able to reclaim our life again!!!!!

turkstragal

Cessy I agree with you...If you have to lie to keep your bf/gf from getting mad then maybe you should not be doing whatever it is to begin with...As for the same old story they lie to keep us from getting mad I think its a load of bull...My spouse says the same thing every time he gets caught in a lie...Anything to blame it on me...So much easier for him then taking responsibility for himself and admitting that maybe whatever he had done is wrong...