Just because they are clean, doesn't mean everything gets better...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
wow!
Originally Posted by littlebird77 
It's almost as if I feel that there should have been some sort of reward for putting up with all of this. Just like you work hard in school, your employment and your body you get good results. I worked so hard in this relationship and obtained wasted time and regret.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Rio Rancho, NM
Posts: 83
????????
[QUOTE=aah1977;2260765]God, I can't agree anymore with this statement! You are so right that just because they get clean they don't necessarily get better. My RAH has been clean 6 months and he is harder to get along with now than before addiction or during his using. It is hard! QUOTE]
my husband has said when i have seen him during recovery that he thinks I like him to be an addict..that i prefer him messed up...
my husband has said when i have seen him during recovery that he thinks I like him to be an addict..that i prefer him messed up...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
EXACTLY!!! As I say with my troubles, "I don't have the TIME to be depressed." Good for you, on getting a job and doing what you did. I admire this so much.
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Why should anything change? He went from jail to his mother's where it seems nothing is expected of him?
I agree that depression is a part of early recovery, but I didn't even have time to be depressed. I hit the streets as soon as I got out of rehab, landed a full-time job as a nurses' aid in a week, and was supporting myself and my oldest daughter.
I was also attending meetings 4-5 times a week, had two sponsors, and went to my monthly aftercare meeting at the rehab.
He may be abstaining, but he's far from 'recovery'.
I agree that depression is a part of early recovery, but I didn't even have time to be depressed. I hit the streets as soon as I got out of rehab, landed a full-time job as a nurses' aid in a week, and was supporting myself and my oldest daughter.
I was also attending meetings 4-5 times a week, had two sponsors, and went to my monthly aftercare meeting at the rehab.
He may be abstaining, but he's far from 'recovery'.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by livingalie
There is so much more to an addict than just the addiction. Cynical One said it great. There are underlying issues... which is why addiction is so hard.
Yes, I'm broke. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I'm angry as hell. But never underestimate the motivational powers of anger. It has given me the ability to stop helping him and help myself.
You're life is not wasted and you have time to live it to the fullest. Make each day count for you. It's your life to with what you want. Good or bad, it's your decision. And only your decision. He cannot make you do anything. In the end, what ever you do, it's your decision.
Hang in there and be strong. Find your inner strength and latch on to it. Use it like his addiction uses him - with everything you got.
Yes, I'm broke. Yes, I'm lonely. Yes, I'm angry as hell. But never underestimate the motivational powers of anger. It has given me the ability to stop helping him and help myself.
You're life is not wasted and you have time to live it to the fullest. Make each day count for you. It's your life to with what you want. Good or bad, it's your decision. And only your decision. He cannot make you do anything. In the end, what ever you do, it's your decision.
Hang in there and be strong. Find your inner strength and latch on to it. Use it like his addiction uses him - with everything you got.
Gotahavfaith
A Brand New Life
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 287
I think that when we do get a sober person...we need to remember that you have to lift the bar up to what you expect and deserve in a real relationship. Yes you may have to take baby steps but stepping forward is a must. Don't settle b/c it is better than drugs and bad behavior...if the behavior isn't reprimanded and dealt with, no learning will take place. You cannot teach someone how to treat you if you continue to allow them excuses...I understand recovery is a process, but life doesn't stop for them to get on board. They either make the cut or they don't. Bless you for sticking through all that, but if it is torturesome to live with someone...the cause really doesn't matter.
If I declaw my cat and the curtains are safe, but now he is pi55ing on the carpet...well kitty better learn some manners quick, homey don't play that girlfriend...
If I declaw my cat and the curtains are safe, but now he is pi55ing on the carpet...well kitty better learn some manners quick, homey don't play that girlfriend...
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