Nikki2003

As those who have read my previous posts are aware my husband and I are seperated by a court order because of his assualts on me. He is now living with his girlfriend and her 4 kids. He moved in with her after he had been away from me for a little longer then a week. My concern is he finally set up his first visit with the kids for tomorrow. He has tried to set up a visit 3 other times by just showing up even though he knew he had to set up visits through social services and they have to be supervised. Each time he brought his girlfriend with him. He never got to see the kids because it was not approved first. Well he now has a visit at social services and supervised by them for tomorrow. I am concerned that he might bring his girlfriend. I am glad he is finally visiting the kids. They have missed him and he is their dad. But they do not know he has a girlfriend. They do not know about her or her kids and that even though we are still married and no divorce is pending yet that he is living with her. The only thing I say to the kids about their dad when they bring him up is that he most likely misses them and loves them. They don't beleive me though because he never calls or visits. So I am concerned that if he suddenly drops this bomb on them about his new girlfriend and brings her with, a total stranger, that it will only confuse them and hurt them. Personally I think this subject should wait to be brought up till after the divorce. He has already proven he cares more about his girlfriends kids then his own. He called and wanted our kids fishing rods so he could give them to his girlfriends kids. WHat parent takes from their own kids and gives to a girlfriends kids who are not even his?

So what do you think? Is it appropriate for him to bring his girlfriend or discuss her with our kids right now while they are still so vunerable? Or should the subject wait till a more appropriate time and place?

Seren

Oh, Nikki, I'm so sorry about all the stress and chaos and craziness surrounding you and your children. I would be horribly angry about the whole fishing rod incident!

If it were me, I would sure not want him bringing his gf to visit my children so soon. Sadly, I have no idea what the laws are in your area. I don't know if supervised visits means just the parent, court-ordered supervisor, and children.....

Is there any way you can find out exactly what the rules are for these visits and tell the case worker that you do not want the gf there?

Lots of support and hugs! HG

devastated

Nope, I don't think it's appropriate at this time for him to bring the gf or her children on a visit!

The visits should be quality time he spends with his children.

Nikki, what in the world are you going to do with a person that has no brains! I'm sorry, but this is something one shouldn't have to explain to a grown person!

Thank goodness you bite your tongue and do not "bad mouth" him to the children! That is the worse thing anyone can do to a child as I believe this really confuses them! Besides, in time they draw their own conclusions even without the help of the parent.

Hang in there, darling, 'cause this too, shall pass.

Hugs, Devastated

outtolunch

" Dad" sounds like he's a big ole baby unable to think beyond his own needs.

Although I do not wish it upon your kids, it would be just swell if they had brief bout of projectile vomiting on dad, during the visit.

I hope "dad" is not too busy to make sure his own children are provided for from a financial standpoint.

laurie6781

(((((Nikki)))))

I think you are getting into the 'awfulizing' right now. It is a SUPERVISED visit at SOCIAL SERVICES, let them handle it. Talk with your case worker about it, as you have some concerns, but I really doubt that Social Services will allow the GF and/or her children.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Nikki2003

Thanks everyone. I called social services and also contacted my lawyer as well. Social Services agreed with me that my concerns were valid. Since we are still married and no divorce is pending, and he has only been with her since the middle of March and 3 weeks of that he was in jail that she is a stranger to the children. She is not consider family. So it would be inappropriate for her to be there. They said they will make sure to place some ground rules down.

After the visit I will be calling the kids. So I am sure I will hear all about it. I hope they keep their word and do not allow her. I am thinking of my childrens best interest because I know they are very vunerable right now.

Nikki2003

I did find out that the reason he chose the visit is he has to go to court today. Which means he might not even get to visit because he could end up in jail for not paying his thousands of dollars in fines for the assualts and the breaches. He has already had his liscense revoked. The visit is planned for 4:30pm-5pm. Only 30 minutes. He has not seen the kids since Christmas, has not spoken to them since then and only plans a 30 minute visit. I am just shaking my head.