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I'm really Proud of my Mother in law for sticking to her guns, just thought I'd share



I'm really Proud of my Mother in law for sticking to her guns, just thought I'd share

Old 06-07-2009, 07:41 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: old bridge, NJ
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I'm really Proud of my Mother in law for sticking to her guns, just thought I'd share

So, my mother in law who used to really be affected by my sis in laws pleas for enabling is really standing up for herself lately. She's not giving in and I know that this has to be so hard for her and I am really proud of her for it.
I had posted another post and said she was an extreme enabler. it just sounds kind of mean now that I read it again, I didn't mean it to sound like that, so please don't pass judgement based on my last post... she really is doing all she can for her daughter now.

She used to give in, but in all fairness, as much as I knew what enabling was, and I have an education background in psychology, I had even given in once or twice because sis in law can be really hard to say no to and very convincing.
I can't really imagine how hard it must be for a parent, especially a mother, to watch their child go through recovery, I cry when my kids get a fever, but I guess it would be harder to watch them not go through it, huh? She's in a rehab now, I guess it's rough, the 3rd week is still fairly early. She's talking about wanting to leave, but I hope it's just an idle threat... her mom's not giving in, I'm really proud of her determination now!
This site is really helping me deal with all the guilt of not talking to her, just seeing what everyone else is going through.
I have to admit, for a while I didn't understand why her mom would give in and thought she didn't see that she was hurting her and it used to really annoy me, but I think, now, I was way too hard on her. I thought she was codependent, which she might be, but aren't we all at least a little bit. Plus, it's her daughter, I am sure I would be the same way... my kids are babies and I'm totally codependant on them, they're my whole life and I don't know what I'd do in my MIL's situation. So, all of my judgement is completely gone, I get it.

I want to be there for her now, more than my sis in law. Mostly because if I were in her situation, I would hope that there would be someone there to offer me support. I can feel her pain as a mom and I don't want to see her go thrugh this alone. Plus, being there for her is also helping me work through my feelings about the situation. I need my concience to be clearand if I just didn't make any effort to support her now while she's coping with her daughter being away, I don't know how I could live with myself, just wish my husband would jump on board and be more supportive, but he's coming around slowly. He agreed to go to nar anon meetings.
Well, please keep my family in your thoughts, thanks for being here!
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Old 06-07-2009, 07:56 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 267
When I read the posts of mothers and their A sons or daughters I get really scared cuz I do not know if I would be able to detach if it were my kids instead of my husband.

When I FIRST realized what was going on with my hubby my FIRST instinct was to take my kids and run. For the parents on here my heart just breaks for them.

In my book the parents on here are neck & neck with the RA as to who has the most inner strength. I am just glad that I have not had to walk in either of their shoes cuz I think I would stumble around for years before I even got CLOSE to getting it right.
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Old 06-07-2009, 08:09 PM
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I think you should be proud...it is progress, after all, not perfection. Hopefully things will begin to improve for the whole family!

Hugs, HG
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