Stop the Ride - I want OFF!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
winnie, there's an ongoing situation in my family right now (not in my home thank goodness) and I finally talked to my therapist about it. I seriously needed advice because I didn't want to cause a problem or prevent one. I didn't want to cross any codie lines.
It took two sessions before my therapist said two powerful words that set me free: You're powerless. I started crying immediately because it was the truth and I already knew it, he knew it, and I was just having a hard time accepting it. He knew I had to hear and say the words before I could move on.
He told me that because I was spending time thinking about it instead of jumping in head first, I was finally moving into the wisdom part of the Serenity Prayer.
How many times will I have to take that first step again? As many as it takes
It took two sessions before my therapist said two powerful words that set me free: You're powerless. I started crying immediately because it was the truth and I already knew it, he knew it, and I was just having a hard time accepting it. He knew I had to hear and say the words before I could move on.
He told me that because I was spending time thinking about it instead of jumping in head first, I was finally moving into the wisdom part of the Serenity Prayer.
How many times will I have to take that first step again? As many as it takes
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Winnie))) - I'm fighting "the system" in a different way, and I totally understand the anger and the feeling of helplessness, being at their mercy. I, too, will be going through this lesson again, as I'm not learning it very well, this time
Just remember, no matter what decisions are made, you are an awesome mom!! Your children both know you love them, and both your kids have an HP who is watching out for them.
FYI..I read of some place in Atlanta where you paid a small fee, and could go and throw dishes, glasses at a wall to release your anger, but it was set up so you were protected..wish I could remember where it was, I'd take us both there I figure a codie started the business and I heard it was doing really well!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Just remember, no matter what decisions are made, you are an awesome mom!! Your children both know you love them, and both your kids have an HP who is watching out for them.
FYI..I read of some place in Atlanta where you paid a small fee, and could go and throw dishes, glasses at a wall to release your anger, but it was set up so you were protected..wish I could remember where it was, I'd take us both there
I figure a codie started the business and I heard it was doing really well!Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Antioch, Ca.
Posts: 158
Winnie,
What can i say? Just sending hugs. Trust in you HP. Right now he is just carrying you thru the sand. Take a deep breath and have faith that you have done all that you could. It will be what it is...........
I realize this is hard, but too many people here are praying for you and he is listening.
You have to listen also.
Susan
What can i say? Just sending hugs. Trust in you HP. Right now he is just carrying you thru the sand. Take a deep breath and have faith that you have done all that you could. It will be what it is...........
I realize this is hard, but too many people here are praying for you and he is listening.
You have to listen also.
Susan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
FYI..I read of some place in Atlanta where you paid a small fee, and could go and throw dishes, glasses at a wall to release your anger, but it was set up so you were protected..wish I could remember where it was, I'd take us both there I figure a codie started the business and I heard it was doing really well!
I figure a codie started the business and I heard it was doing really well!Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
My all time favorite anger releasers:
(1) hit a tree with a wiffle ball bat - a zillion times, eventually it will actually shred
(2) collect bottles, glasses, etc (or you can buy them cheap at the Goodwill Store) - and stand on the back of a tailgate of an SUV and throw them at the open lid of a dumpster - accompanied by much yelling and screaming
(3) print a name on a raquetball ball with white out - and just hit the heck out of it
Works for me! (but some are sicker than others!)
Lovoe in recovery,
Jody Hepler
(1) hit a tree with a wiffle ball bat - a zillion times, eventually it will actually shred
(2) collect bottles, glasses, etc (or you can buy them cheap at the Goodwill Store) - and stand on the back of a tailgate of an SUV and throw them at the open lid of a dumpster - accompanied by much yelling and screaming
(3) print a name on a raquetball ball with white out - and just hit the heck out of it
Works for me! (but some are sicker than others!)
Lovoe in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Winnie,
I am so sorry for the all the crap you are going through. I pray it works out for the best and as quick as possible. I have been dealing with a bunch of crap myself and it just isn't any fun........I want off with you preferably on a beach with white sand and cute little drinks with umbrellas!!!
I am so sorry for the all the crap you are going through. I pray it works out for the best and as quick as possible. I have been dealing with a bunch of crap myself and it just isn't any fun........I want off with you preferably on a beach with white sand and cute little drinks with umbrellas!!!
Clever Yak
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by Jody Hepler
My all time favorite anger releasers:
(1) hit a tree with a wiffle ball bat - a zillion times, eventually it will actually shred
(2) collect bottles, glasses, etc (or you can buy them cheap at the Goodwill Store) - and stand on the back of a tailgate of an SUV and throw them at the open lid of a dumpster - accompanied by much yelling and screaming
(1) hit a tree with a wiffle ball bat - a zillion times, eventually it will actually shred
(2) collect bottles, glasses, etc (or you can buy them cheap at the Goodwill Store) - and stand on the back of a tailgate of an SUV and throw them at the open lid of a dumpster - accompanied by much yelling and screaming
If I did anything like that in my neighborhood the cops would come and charge us for disturbance of the peace or something.
Still thinkin of you winnie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by SpeedyJason
Where the heck do you live where nobody calls the cops on you for doing this?! LOL. You must live in the middle of the woods with no neighbors..
If I did anything like that in my neighborhood the cops would come and charge us for disturbance of the peace or something.
If I did anything like that in my neighborhood the cops would come and charge us for disturbance of the peace or something.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
One thing an Alanon mom told me was to write down all my fears... and all the terrible outcomes I was imagining for my daughter. To write as much as I could - until my arm felt like it was going to fall off.
Then to burn the paper.
Watch the smoke waft up... giving back all the troubles to your Higher Power.
My kid is in jail. She needs to be there longer, and dammit, they are talking about letting her out. She needs long-term inpatient treatment, but Department of Corrections can't send her since her charge was not drug-related (theft/shoplifting not drug related...c'mon, they know better). Indeed, her PO is the boyfriend's PO and he knows the boyfriend took the drug charge and the fall for my kid....that was HER meth in the pocket of his sweats and HER heroin residue in the needles and rig inside the car. But he got the charge and all she got was time for missing a probation check in date.
I could butt in and try to finangle something for my daughter... but after five years of this, I am finally at a place when I can SEE that whatever path she is on is one that includes twists and turns supplied by her Higher Power. He is leading her. Far be it for me to drag her off the path... for all I know, she may be reaching her "time" for sobriety.
But it took me a while to get here.... probably a good two years of regular meetings plus another year or so of women's meetings with many other moms of addicts.
So, for today, try writing that letter and burning it. I did, and it made me feel SO much better.
(((hugs)))
Then to burn the paper.
Watch the smoke waft up... giving back all the troubles to your Higher Power.
My kid is in jail. She needs to be there longer, and dammit, they are talking about letting her out. She needs long-term inpatient treatment, but Department of Corrections can't send her since her charge was not drug-related (theft/shoplifting not drug related...c'mon, they know better). Indeed, her PO is the boyfriend's PO and he knows the boyfriend took the drug charge and the fall for my kid....that was HER meth in the pocket of his sweats and HER heroin residue in the needles and rig inside the car. But he got the charge and all she got was time for missing a probation check in date.
I could butt in and try to finangle something for my daughter... but after five years of this, I am finally at a place when I can SEE that whatever path she is on is one that includes twists and turns supplied by her Higher Power. He is leading her. Far be it for me to drag her off the path... for all I know, she may be reaching her "time" for sobriety.
But it took me a while to get here.... probably a good two years of regular meetings plus another year or so of women's meetings with many other moms of addicts.
So, for today, try writing that letter and burning it. I did, and it made me feel SO much better.
(((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
That's a good idea Sis - i like those ceremonies - helps with closure.
Just an update - the state has no idea at all what they are going to do with him but they are saying they arent releasing him. They are holding him week to week now but he could be in custody for a few weeks or up to 6 months - they just dont know right now. It does still seem pretty fubar to me but i'm letting it go because there truly is nothing i can do. I'm not making anymore phone calls - just have to wait till they get it together. In the end he's there because of his actions so even if they are extreme - its his own dang fault.
I went down to visit last night - it was just exhausting - he is angry, back to a lot of denial and just venting. At least his anger wasnt directed at me. I stopped him at one point and just said son - i'm here to tell you i love you and let you know that you have people who care about you - lets not spend our entire hour together going over this stuff that we have absolutely no control over - this is what we got and you can either accept it and deal with it or keep fighting and keep living this life. The more you fight them the longer this will take to get through. He said he wasnt mad at me but just needed someone to talk to that understood and he could have a real conversation with it about. I guess its what he needed and i can understand that. He only tried a little manipulation - wanted me to lie and say his girlfriend was his counsin so she could visit. I said no to that of course - even though i had to hear a whole explanation and whining about it.
Just an update - the state has no idea at all what they are going to do with him but they are saying they arent releasing him. They are holding him week to week now but he could be in custody for a few weeks or up to 6 months - they just dont know right now. It does still seem pretty fubar to me but i'm letting it go because there truly is nothing i can do. I'm not making anymore phone calls - just have to wait till they get it together. In the end he's there because of his actions so even if they are extreme - its his own dang fault.
I went down to visit last night - it was just exhausting - he is angry, back to a lot of denial and just venting. At least his anger wasnt directed at me. I stopped him at one point and just said son - i'm here to tell you i love you and let you know that you have people who care about you - lets not spend our entire hour together going over this stuff that we have absolutely no control over - this is what we got and you can either accept it and deal with it or keep fighting and keep living this life. The more you fight them the longer this will take to get through. He said he wasnt mad at me but just needed someone to talk to that understood and he could have a real conversation with it about. I guess its what he needed and i can understand that. He only tried a little manipulation - wanted me to lie and say his girlfriend was his counsin so she could visit. I said no to that of course - even though i had to hear a whole explanation and whining about it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Winnie)))
Sounds like you've gotten to a place of acceptance, and he will get there, too. BTW, just because he wants to vent about where he's at, you still don't have to listen, or you can put a limit on it (like you did last night). Sure, he wants someone to talk to, but just because HE WANTS IT doesn't make it right, okay?
Yes, venting is a good thing, but he has other options available to him, sweetie.
I think you did great on putting stuff back where it belonged..on him, and not falling for the manipulation.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sounds like you've gotten to a place of acceptance, and he will get there, too. BTW, just because he wants to vent about where he's at, you still don't have to listen, or you can put a limit on it (like you did last night). Sure, he wants someone to talk to, but just because HE WANTS IT doesn't make it right, okay?
Yes, venting is a good thing, but he has other options available to him, sweetie.
I think you did great on putting stuff back where it belonged..on him, and not falling for the manipulation.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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