Who the heck IS this woman... ??? :)

Old 06-05-2009, 06:02 PM
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Who the heck IS this woman... ??? :)

So who IS this crazy woman who shows up and posts like she knows you or sumpn? 

My screen name is Big Sis – I picked it because I initially came in to find help for my sister back in 2003 after I was horrified to discover she was using meth. I got some good advice and disappeared for a bit.

Only to return in 2004 in full panic mode and absolutely terrified to discover my own, sweet, intelligent and beautiful 17-year old daughter was also using meth. It took posts….lots and lots (did I mention, lots?) of posts for me to “hear” what you all were trying to tell me.

And it took time. More time than I ever imagined, for me to process the information, make it real for me, and to understand (truly understand) just how powerless I am over her addiction.

I finally got into Alanon in May of 2004, and that action speeded up my recovery considerably! But I am still learning, five years later.

Over the next few years, my daughter attended four, five something like that, inpatient rehab centers. She has put together a few months of sobriety each time, but always goes back out. She married a boy she met in one of the rehabs, and they had two (INCREDIBLY) beautiful boys. But they used off and on (she was mostly clean throughout both pregnancies), there was domestic violence (on a scale from 1-10, it was close to 2 – just to put in perspective) and hubby went to prison for one year for felony breaking a restraining order coupled with his inability to follow-through on court dates and failing at treatment. Within a month of his going to prison, she was slamming dope harder than ever.

Today, my daughter is 22 years old. She is still beautiful, still bright… but there has been some changes in her personality. She is rough around the edges, even when she tells me she is not using. She seems far more hopeless than she used to, but that may be because she has lost far more than before. We have the boys, which is a blessing for us as much as for them. They are 18 months and 2 ½ years old… both quite healthy, bright and beautiful (of course!).

Today I am working in a drug treatment center, I’ve obtained a registered license and will be working toward the certified chemical dependency professional license over the next two years. My kid hooked up with someone at the last sober house she lived in, and he is another very nice (and quite codependent) addict. He knows her husband – they were in jail together. And they have talked on the phone, and my son-in-law seems to be resigned to the fact that the separation may have taken a fatal toll on their marriage.

Daughter is in jail with Jesse, the new boyfriend. Jesse is taking the fall for her drug use. Jesse was on probation and did not set boundaries for daughter, so in that way, he put himself in danger by being with her. This week, they were waiting for a convenience store to sell beer (sales start at 6 a.m here). Jesse shoplifted a pair of sunglasses and went back out to the car to wait with my daughter. He was sweaty and hot and wanted to change into cleaner clothes, so daughter tossed him a pair of her sweats and he went into the store bathroom to change.

When he came outside, a cop was waiting for him. It seems the girl inside had seen him lift the sunglasses and called the cops. When they patted him down, they found daughters meth (remember, those were her sweats?) in his pockets. Then they charged him for the heroin (also hers) residue found on the pipes, needles and spoons inside the car…even though the car is in her name – he got the charges.

So he sits in jail, looking at a one-year prison term because of his probation violation, while daughter should be out in ten days because she was in for just a minor probation violation.

Not fair. But then, addiction never is.

For the next few days, I am just sitting back, with a very calm, wait and see attitude. I will take calls once a week, I won’t be putting money on the books and haven’t decided if I want to visit her, though Jesse already has me on his visitor list (smile… he really is a sweet boy – she picks good young men, you know). God has her, she is on His path and this may be another opportunity for sobriety. I hope so… every time, she gets a bit worse. She gets to pick her bottom – I hope this one is it, but if not I know the years have given me some wonderful tools to use while I live my life… and not just wait for her to get sober.

PS – here are those beautiful boys… they really are wonders, I think.

Hope to you more of all of you.


Big Sis


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Old 06-05-2009, 06:09 PM
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Aww - those boys are gorgeous. Look at those big happy smiles on their faces that you and their papa have put there!!!!

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Old 06-05-2009, 06:22 PM
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nice to meet you BigSis.

Beautiful boys!
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Old 06-05-2009, 06:42 PM
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Oh my gosh (((Big Sis)))

I have tears in my eyes.......
Sooo good to see you. I think of you so often......
You sound so good. You've been through so much
and sound so much stronger than you have.

You already know you have one of those special
places in my heart. I will keep saying those extra
prayers for your daughter.........

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Old 06-05-2009, 06:49 PM
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Thank you for sharing your story and your pictures. Those boys are so blessed being in your home and heart. I pray your daughter finds sobriety. God bless you.
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Old 06-05-2009, 07:42 PM
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You were one of the first people that I came to admire on these forums. You always were willing to share your experience, strength and hope with me when I was struggling. Your grandsons are very handsome indeed and I am so glad that you and Mr. Big have been able to provide them with a stable, loving environment. Glad to see you back. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-05-2009, 07:47 PM
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Ahhhh (((((((Big Sis!)))))))
What Ms. Done said from me too!! You have been on my mind...I miss you and I have had you and yours (hubby, the kids and those precious grandkids) in my heart and prayers every night.

I think it is wonderful that you are working in a treatment center and going for your license - HP has you right where you belong. The little guys are growing so fast...enjoy each precious moment.

Me?... Life is very drama free and my daughter is in a wonderful place. The choices she has been making on her journey have brought many wonders and it's lovely to see her grow...She no longer actively attends meetings, at least for now, but she actively works her program and it shows. I use my program every day for other things in work stress...It's a life changing program for sure.
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Old 06-05-2009, 08:00 PM
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Hi BigSis, It's wonderful of you to have checked in and shared your story with everyone. Those boys are blessed to have grandparents as loving and caring as you are. My prayers go out to your daughter so that as she ages she will be able to enjoy those boys also.....big hugs from another gramma, Bonnie
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Old 06-05-2009, 08:23 PM
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Hi There Sis...SO nice to hear from you.
I love the smiles on all three of their faces.

I envy your resolve (as I have in the past )

Hope to hear more from you
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Old 06-05-2009, 08:54 PM
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I'm so glad you stopped by to let us in on your latest news...the pics are wonderful! The look of joy Mr. Big Sis' face tells it all. I'm so glad to hear the kids are doing so well! I'll continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts & prayers.

Thanks too for the good ESH in your update, and also for being here when I was new to SR. My AH has over three years clean now, got married to a wonderful young lady just over a year ago and continues to pick up the pieces from all the past wreckage. I'll never forget when he was out on the street- missing and without his meds, you helped me many nights... to sleep a little easier, to leave him in HP's hands and focus on myself.

It's wonderful to hear from you...take care.
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Old 06-05-2009, 10:39 PM
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You're one of those people that live and share their recovery so beautifully. (And if you didn't live smack dab on the opposite coast from me, I'd be attending meetings with you, sitting right beside you cause you sure do have something I want. )

Thanks for the update. I'm so sorry your AD is out there, but am so thankful that you have a program that teaches you that you can live, even with active addiction around you.

Those grandsons are precious and I can tell their grandpa could just eat them with a spoon. I suspect those boys have both of you totally wrapped around their little fingers.

Please know I have you and your family in my prayers, "praying only for the knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out."

Big hugs,
Hangin' In
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Old 06-05-2009, 11:56 PM
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Hey there BigSis, add me to the list of peeps that just love ya Thank you so much for stopping by, it sure feels good to know that _you_ are in a good place and keeping your serenity.

Your kids ( all of them, including the ones that aren't yours but that you take under wing anyway ) are in my prayers every day. They have a great example in you.

Mike ((((( hugs )))))
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Old 06-06-2009, 05:17 AM
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Sis, It is so good to hear from you. I've missed you, in the past you were always caring & helpful to me, Thank you.

Awww the boys are just beautiful and Mr Big, yep you can see how much he loves them.

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Old 06-06-2009, 06:39 AM
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the boys are gorgeous!....

I will keep your daughter in my prayers
its is good to know that the boys are in your care
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Old 06-06-2009, 03:32 PM
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Add me to the BigSis fan club. Just look at how those boys have grown!!! And they are as cute as ever...must have got their grandmother's good genes.

I, too, am sorry that your daughter struggles, but your recovery is just shining through.

And good for you for getting your certification and sharing your light with those who need it.

It's just a real treat to see your name here again.

Big Hugs and Lotsa Love
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Old 06-06-2009, 03:41 PM
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BigSis!!!!!!!! So great to see your name pop up out here again. You were one of the first people to welcome me here way back when, and I have always been grateful for your firm, no-nonsense support when I needed it the most.

Your recovery is, as usual, just shining.

Sending you big hugs,
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Old 06-06-2009, 03:54 PM
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((Big Sis))

Man have I missed you. Welcome back.

Hugs and Prayers
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Old 06-06-2009, 08:22 PM
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(((( big sis ))))

Gosh it's good to see your name pop up. You've come a long way, baby.... and it's been a pleasure and an honor to share most of your journey with you. I'm sorry that your daughter is struggling again, but we know that it's different for each and every one of our kids. Hopefully this is her time, and she'll choose a path of recovery.

I'm so thrilled for the boys that they have you and Mr BS (hee hee) to look after them. It's a blessing for all, you know.

Thanks for checking in. You and yours are always in my prayers.

Hugs and love
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