wll.... at least I know I ain't crazy
 

Doing laundry. Found a vicodin in the pocket of his jeans. He denied of course. I replied 'whatever' and hung up. He hasnt called back and I havent called him. Been about an hour. Pretty proud of myself. And now I know for sure which plan to focus on.

That stinks, Suspicious. Isn't it amazing how having hard evidence makes us feel less crazy but in the same breath makes us feel crazy???!!? You know what I mean! So tired of this disease and the roller coaster of emotions. Prayers are with you.

At least you can put the craziness of not knowing behind you and focus on what your next step is. I'm glad you at least know, but sorry for the outcome.

And now I know for sure which plan to focus on.

Amen!

Validation for me is like that moment when I creep down the stairs at night in my PJs after hearing a scary noise and I find the cat knocking books off the shelf. Phew! From crazy, mind spinning thoughts ground to a halt.

It's a long exhaling breath that roots me in reality. Now I know my enemy and my enemy knows me.

Whatever your plans are, take a picture of the vicodin and those jeans to remember the moment our journal about the discovery, the lying and denial, and you feelings over it. It's very easy to lose focus and need more validation down the line to revive your resolve. It may help to have the reminder to look at.

Proud of you!

Alice

That's "good" news of sorts, I suppose.

I know there's no point trying to figure out someone's thinking, but I'm curious as to how he could have DENIED it- it was right there in front of you! I'm guessing something like "it must have still been in there from ages ago?"

Can you elaborate on your plan? All the best with sticking to your intentions.

I'm sorry Suspicious for the hurt your going through because it hurts like hell.

But you already knew this didn't you? Still it's like a slap in the face to have it handed to you.

Keep your chin up, we will all get through this somehow.

"This too shall pass"

Hugs,
Teggie

This is the way he does it...
me- it is daytime
him- no it isnt it is night time
me- it is sunny out it is daytime
him- I dont know what you are talking about it is night time
me- (points up into sky at sun) there is the sun it is daytime
him- you are crazy. it is night time. This discussion is over.

My plan is I have to get myself into a position where I can support my family cuz I know it is all going to be on me eventually. My plan is to protect my kids and remove us from the crazy.

I wont need the picture to remind me.

Thanks for the knowing my enemy and MY ENEMY KNOWS ME.... puts it into words perfectly.

For an update...
no calls at all last night. He came in about 10 pm from work and who knows where else. Boys mentioned the haircut he was supposed to give them. He gave 2 haircuts last night. We have had maybe 20 words between us. He is now out on the porch having his morning coffee, singing, pretending that everything is hunkeydorey. Fine with me, I dont want to be pulled into an argument with him anyway. I dont need to discuss it cuz now I KNOW.

I remember once, a strange moment (today I call it a God moment), when I called my son`s cellphone...it didn`t ring at all but some how he knocked it on and I listened to him making a drug deal. I didn`t want to listen, but something froze me there so I heard every word, knew for certain my son was a hard core addict and felt validated in all my suspicians.

Freak occurances don`t just happen, I think that in some way the universe or God or our Higher Power just wants us to know that our instinct has been right all along.

I`m sorry for your pain, but knowing without a doubt can be very freeing too. We no longer are bound by the chains of fear and guilt.

Hugs