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Still alive & kickin - Regardless!!

Old 06-04-2009, 10:03 AM
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Living in a Pinkful Place
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Still alive & kickin - Regardless!!

Well my wonderful SR family - it's been a few weeks but I guess it's time for an update - right?

I made the 6 month mark of living sep & apart - Friday my atty filed paperwrk for divorce - should be final in about 2 wks. (thank you GOD!!)

As far as the financial issues - they have really gone down hill - my ex is over 3 months past due on the house note so the Mortgage Co has started procedures to foreclose and possibly garnish my paycheck. In addition to the other garnishment for his other bills. He refuses to pay his portion - all the time also fighting for his request for spousal support, yet still working for cash, etc - blah, blah, blah.

I had to make the decision to file for Bankruptcy. That was very painful, embarrassing and a big blow to my self-esteem. Learned that there NO "good job" for paying your bills and trying to do the next right thing in this area of your life. All my hard work for the past few years - literally thrown away all because of his irresponsibility and my continually staying in an unhealthy relationship.

I would love to say that at least he is leaving me alone - but That is not going so well either. It seems like he had lost interest for a while, but recently I started getting text messages and phone calls - An angry man asking guestions about stuff that I left at the house. This is stuff he wouldn't let me have 6 months ago. Insisting he bring it to me and wanting to know where I moved to! He even called one of our daughters - screaming at her - said he had to have my address to mail stuff to me - (lol he hasn't forwarded my mail to me since I left - so I know that's a lie)

He has figured out that I moved from the rent house - I knew that he was driving by occasionally - he never stopped but I thought he was just checking to see if anyone was there with me. Now he must have realized I'm not there and is in panic mode trying to figure out where I am.

Had a little eerie experience yesterday - there is a convenience store next to my ofc - I walk over there a few times - get a newspaper, snack for breakfast, etc. Well yesterday morning walked over there and BOOM my ex is standing in front of the newspaper rack - trying to read the paper thru the box (without buying a paper).

He was with his brother. His brother was filling up with gas (this store is one of the MOST expensive places to buy gas) - anyway - I said the typical "Hey how's it going - excuse me I need to get a paper" He did the "oh HEY" really nice and moved out of the way.

But Still really gave me the creeps yesterday - He and his brother are usually NEVER on my work side of town. Now several months ago I got a text from him with comments about a magnet that I had on my vehicle while I was at work. But you can't see my car from the road - you have to drive thru my work parking lot, pass by Road Trucks, and thru the work yard (that is not just a casual thing).

Plus with the compulsive text messages this weekend and him screaming at my daughter about where was I living, where was I at, blah, blah, blah - It just has my hair on the back of my neck a little on edge.

So I'm just being careful about where I go - what I do - Truly praying that some how, some way - he will just leave me alone - although I would hate it for anyone else - but maybe he could find some other person to obsess about it. Well, I guess I really wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Not trying to make something out of nothing - just a little concerned - My ex has never been the violent type - I don't really think he would do anything but then again - I never thought that he would do some of the things he has done with the divorce, suing for spousal support and that other jazz.

I went on-line and blocked his cell phone # for text messages and I just won't answer his phone calls anymore. Let me talk to me thru his atty.

So please just keep me in your thoughts & prayers!
HUGS to all,
Rita
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:12 AM
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I'm sorry things have taken a turn financially, but brighter days are ahead...I promise.

Please take extra special care of yourself right now. Tell someone when you venture out, keep in touch with friends and family and confide in someone that you're getting a creepy feeling.

It may be nothing dangerous, but better safe, right?

((Take care)))
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:50 AM
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I am sorry that you are still in the financial bind. I am more worried that he is now in "STALKING" mode. Please make a record of the calls, text messages, where he pops up, etc Will be very useful if you have to report him to the police and get a 'restraining order.'

Bankruptcy is not a sin. Bankruptcy is a means to get one's head back above water. In these rough times, many folks who never dreamed they would ever have to do that are now filing. Please do not beat yourself up. It has been a very expensive lesson to learn, but in the long run will be well worth it. Even with a 'bankruptcy' on your record you will be able to find another home in time. There are still many nice homes out there, that many times the owners are willing to carry the paperwork. Some are even "lease with option to buy" so that after a year ow two, part of your month rent, in many cases half of it, gets applied toward you down payment, when you flip the lease to a 'land contract.' That is how I bought my first home, 18 months into my sobriety.

Please be SAFE. Be on your guard. He is trying new manipulation to 'get your goat' and get you back on the roller coaster.

You are doing great with your own growth and changes!!!!!!! WTG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't be such a stranger, lol, keep posting and let us know how you are doing as you know we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 06-04-2009, 11:54 AM
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Please take an extra moment or two, to check yr instincts right now. Keep yourself aware.
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Old 06-05-2009, 10:00 PM
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If this doesn't feel right to you, it probably isn't. You're taking the steps you need to by blocking his texts. Notify your employer that he's cruising a private lot on their property, maybe? He's really grasping at ways to get your attention.
With a bankruptcy you will be able extracate yourself from the money mess he's made and rebuild the financial part of your life. It's a good thing, don't let old taboos make you feel badly about it. I've filed, and friends of mine have filed, and we're all better for it.

Thinking of you.

Alice
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Old 06-05-2009, 10:12 PM
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Japico,

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. As others have said, just keep being aware of where you are and whose around. Not to obsess about it but just being careful.

I'm proud of you and the progress you're making. I know what you've done hasn't been easy, but I just know you are going to be much better for it.

Hugs,
Hangin' In
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:36 AM
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I'm in a similar situation with a stalker ex, although luckily we weren't married and dont have finances together. It really creeps me out when he follows me to meetings and stares at me throughout, so I know how you feel. Even when no threats are made, it's disturbing, right? I'm keeping my guard up, and my friends close by! You do the same!

Love,
KJ
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Old 06-06-2009, 05:07 AM
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Rita, The others have already said all that needs to be said, keep your guard up, document his movements around you and stay safe.

Bankruptcy is NO sin, been thinking about it myself.........because sometimes there is no other way.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 06-06-2009, 06:46 AM
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((((Rita)))) This is a rough patch of darkness you've been walking for awhile to get to the bright side. As crazy as things get, I pray you can see the light pouring in the more you are out of the insanity of living with an active user. I too am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and I am so grateful that you share your recovery here.

I agree with everyone that it is good that you are aware of the stalking tendencies and doing what is necessary to keep yourself safe. As far as the bankruptcy, it is not something you did "wrong" and although I understand your embarassment (simply because the way I am wired I would feel the same way...I'm not "recovered" enough not to beat myself up in such areas) I also know for sure that this is not something to be embarassed about.

In my state on the insurance side of things they allow "credit scoring" as a rating factor for some lines of insurance. But they don't allow it when the credit score decline is due to a "life altering event" because we recognize that there are just cetain things that we can not fully control. Divorce is one of the named life altering events. I just wanted to mention that because I thought it might help to realize that even in government bureacracy, there is a recognition that there are just some situations where as hard as we work to do the next right thing, "stuff" happens.

Hugs and continued prayers. I look forward to the post from you one day soon where you share how you created a safe, blissful, drama-free and serene life.
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Old 06-06-2009, 07:31 AM
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Adding my prayers. As far as the bankruptcy goes, my mom and sisters are filed years ago. Today they are debt free and making sure that they protect themselves financially. Hugs, Marle
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:42 PM
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Hi Louisiana Friend. Im sorry to hear
of all that u r going thru. I pray that
you will be free of all that stress one
day soon.

I went thru my divorce coming up on
a yr this June 6th. 6 days shy of my
26 yrs.

I left Houston to return here to Baton
Rouge, my hometown after a 10 yr
absence.

My spouse helped me with the move
but we both knew and agreed that
we would not live apart and still be
married.

So the divorce proceeded on with no
verbal communication because that
would allow emotions to interfere.

So everything went smoothly and
just as it was suppose to be.

I have not verbally spoken to my
spouse since i moved back home
and has no idea of where i moved
to.

The family is just now learning of
my new marriage and what has been
going on in my life.

The past is behind me and im living
happier than i ever have and im
extremely grateful for my recovery.

Hang in there.
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:50 PM
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I don't have anything to add to what has been said, but wanted to give you a few virtual hugs! :ghug :ghug
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Old 06-07-2009, 05:56 AM
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please be very careful
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Old 06-08-2009, 10:35 AM
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Living in a Pinkful Place
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Thanks so much for the love and support!!

Everytime I sign on here - It's like crawling up in your fav chair - wrapping the safest and securest blankee around you and being totally safe for at least a little while.

Hmm I guess to some that would sound strange - but I'll be many of you are shaking your head - cause you know exactly what I mean - right?

My life is getting much better - I am living in a much safer place - I have good friends, wonderful family and am seeing a very wonderful HEALTHY Man - who respects me and cares for me tremendously.

Why anyone would want to be with me and all this baggage I'll never understand - but he just hugs me and says "What baggage?"

So God is Awesome, Recovery is wonderful and Life is blessed.

Please feel free to share some of the generals of my story to others - the main thing is that I pray that some how my experiences can help some one, somewhere - NOT have to go thru this financial and emotional ruin.

HUGS to all,
Rita
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Old 06-08-2009, 12:15 PM
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Thanks so much for the love and support!!

Everytime I sign on here - It's like crawling up in your fav chair - wrapping the safest and securest blankee around you and being totally safe for at least a little while.
Rita,
I know how you feel about here. We are all here for you... and love hearing you are happy. As far as baggage is concerned. No one comes without it. Yours is no different than his.
I guess i am just worried about the stalking. My best friend is going thru this now. It does get extreemly scary. She fought us for a while, but ended up putting a "protective order" against him. Please start documenting everything, down to date and times. Witnesses whenever possible. Her ex is now serving a 9 mos. term in jail for violating this over and over. I'm not trying to scare you, but some men become very aggressive. they do things you would never dream of them doing. So, be very careful.
Susan
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Old 06-08-2009, 01:00 PM
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Im one of those Rita that knows exactly
how u feel. Been there done that similar
thing.

I left Houston to return here to Baton
Rouge to embark on a new journey
ahead of me and leaving the past
behind me.

Never in my wildest dreams would
think that id be blessed with so much
more. Especially since i wasnt ex-
pecting it so quickly.

As long as i placed my will and life
in the Proper Hands, doing the next
right thing, trusting and believing
then I would be taken care of in
His time.

Here i moved home with a bank job
as my golden ticket, however didnt
pan out. Im living in a apt. have to
pay rent and bills. Have to get another
job. Went out, interviewed several
positions and was blessed with the
Bakery job.

Went to a new meeting where i met
the man that was placed in my path
to marry and enjoy life with.

Then let go my job to only find out
that id have to have a full hip replacement.

How was i going to pay for that with
out a job or insurance if things didnt
happen the way that they were suppose
to.

All i know is I cant stay sober nor live
life as happy as i am now if it werent
for the Hand Above guiding me and
protecting and blessing me all along
the way.

And I can see that happening in ur life
too Rita. Much blessings sent ur way.
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