Language of Letting Go - June 3 - Charity
 

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Charity

We need healthy boundaries about receiving money, and we need healthy boundaries about giving money. Some of us give money for inappropriate reasons.

We may be ashamed because we have money and don't believe we deserve it. We may belong to an organization that uses shame as a form of control to coerce us out of our money that the organization wants.

We can get hooked into giving money to our children, family members, or friends because we have earned or unearned guilt. We allow ourselves to be financially blackmailed, sometimes by the people we love. This is not money freely given, or given in health.

Some of us give money out of a sense of caretaking. We may have exaggerated feelings of responsibility for others, including financial responsibility.

We may be giving simply because we have not learned to own our power to say no when the answer is no.

Some of us give because we hope or believe people will love us if we take care of them financially.

We do not have to give money to anyone. Giving money is our choice. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized, manipulated, or coerced out of our money. We are financially responsible for ourselves. Part of being healthy is allowing those around us to be financially responsible for themselves.

We do not have to be ashamed about having the money that we earn; we deserve to have it - whatever the amount - without feeling obligated to give it all away, or guilty because others want what we have.

Charity is a blessing. Giving is part of healthy living. We can learn to develop healthy boundaries around giving.

Today, I will strive to begin developing healthy boundaries about giving money. I understand that giving is my choice.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

I was one of those people who thought giving money might relieve the hardships and change the person to whom I gave, and usually that was just a waste of hard earned dollars.

Today when deciding whether to give or not, I look at my motives. If I give what I can afford without hardship to myself, without any expectations, then it is probably a gift from my heart and okay. If I give out of guilt or to help someone who should be helping themselves, I stop in my tracks and realize that I have fallen into a codependent trap.

Sometimes the greatest gift is letting someone else find their own way financially, to do less is to rob them of the gift of learning to survive in life.

Hugs