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This post might offend with my wording, Question regarding Rehab Centers.

Old 06-02-2009, 11:41 PM
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This post might offend with my wording, Question regarding Rehab Centers.

For anyone who has been to rehab or have a teen in rehab what was it like for you or for your child? I am having a hard time with the way a couple of the case workers seem to be working the program where my 17 yr old ad is.

This is making me question a few things (1) the foul language being used not just by case workers but by the kids in rehab themselves. (2) I don't care if someone is gay or straight, just don't go bragging about your sexuality etc by telling a child that your private parts are in your face.....(Sorry if I am graphic and please delete if necessary) (3) my friends child has been in there for 2 weeks and when her daughter called her this evening she told the case worker monitoring her phone call that she didn't know how to transfer the phone, he in turn said that she had no business phoning home if she didn't know how to #@%! transfer the call. This girls mother was on the phone listening to this. (4) I went up there to pick up my daughter on one of her "reflections" I had sent her up a parcel and it arrived at the time I was there to take her home. One of the case workers there asked me what was in the box, even though I was taking it back unopened with me. I told her and also mentioned that my daughters hair extensions were in there for when she had gone out on her 12 hour request. My daughter was allowed to have them when she went out on her 6 hour request before. Well, the case worker started raising her voice and asked me if it looked like they had a place to store things for the kids there? and she wasn't allowed to have them anyhow etc....I finally looked at her and said that I didn't know what they did with the kids things, how would I know what type of storage they have there and I also told her that I didn't even know her why is she yelling at me? Having the case worker talk to me like that made me question some of the things in which my daughter had told me but I didn't believe her, maybe I should have.

There are other things too like the kids being called bad names etc but I was told that my daughter had taken it out of context....yes they probably swore I was told but I was also told that is how this paticular case worker works. He has been there for 8 years and has a success rate. Fine and dandy but his way doesn't mean it is going to work 100% of the time.

I adore my daughters case worker, he has done wonders for her. He tells it like it is and I like that about him...he helped get my daughter to where she is right now. He is an addict but has been drug free now for almost 2 years. I don't agree with everything but I have told him that he has my support 100%.

I don't believe every word out of my daughter, wish I could but I have to stick with reality.

Can anyone tell me of their experiences with/in Rehab please?

Thanks in advance
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Old 06-03-2009, 12:00 AM
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Well I was in treatment for an eating disorder but they kicked my butt as much as one can,, I was never sworn at, and was treated with the upmost respect by every single staff member and still keep in touch with several of the staff today.
They got to know us well so they treated us like their family.

Sounds like your daughter is getting a lot of help there though, can you talk to her counselor about your concerns?
I would def. look into it. They do have a lot of power when your locked up in there, I was in a bad one before and there are some power hungry ones.

JME
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Old 06-03-2009, 02:14 AM
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I have been to many rehabs when my son was around, and they all seemed respectful and effective. Sure they had rules and had to enforce consequences when they were broken, but that is a good lesson for those who always ducked the consequences for their actions.

Today I work at a rehab and find the same thing. Profanity is not allowed, by residents or staff. The people I work with there are experienced, qualified and quite good at counseling and keeping the place clean and peaceful.

No counselor should be yelling at you or anyone else. Yelling, to me, is a sign of being out of control.

I hope this helps. I don't know what is true at your daughter's rehab, but I will keep her in my prayers that she can stay on the good path.

Hugs
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Old 06-03-2009, 02:35 AM
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It is not at all surprising that kids there would be using profanity, but foul language or disrespectful behavior of any kind, directed at either residents (patients) or their families is absolutely out of line. That having been said, I do not know what kind of facility your AD is in, and that will certainly make a great deal of difference. If it is a private facility for which you (or insurance) is paying good money, then this behavior is totally inexcusable and you should take it up with management. If however it is a state run or a charity facility then I can understand that the standards would be lower in which case I am not sure there is much you can do.
I do not want to make any presumptions but I will tell you this much - there are a lot of rehabs out there where the staff themselves either are not clean/sober at all or have very little time, and so more often than not the staff have their own issues in addition to those of the residents. In extreme examples there have even been cases of staff in rehabs selling narcotics to residents. I am not implying that the facility that your AD is at is like that, but I am saying that you should not assume that the place is run to the highest standards just because one of their staff members is bragging about a "success rate."
There is no question that the staff at a rehab want to be "hard" on the residents, but that very rarely should involve any kind of duress, intimidation, foul language, and of course never the threat of violence. Being "hard" means calling the A on their disease, their attempts at manipulation, their denial, etc., etc., and does not involve staff practicing those same behaviors themselves.
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Old 06-03-2009, 05:41 AM
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There's good ones and bad ones just like there are good people and bad people. Myself, I would look at the big picture - if its doing good then keep at it and if its affecting her recovery if you have the means maybe look for somewhere else
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Old 06-03-2009, 05:48 AM
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While the language from those working there sounds over the top and unusual to me, I also know that the most important thing to me about rehab is whether it seemed to be making a difference in my child. It took me a while to realize that once I was dealing with active addiction, it was a matter of life or death. Some times I had to let go of what I believed was the "right" way and be grateful for life and clean and sober.

I'm not saying that this makes it right...You know what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. I also do not think it is the norm. For me, I'd need to weigh the pluses and minuses and decide whether i needed to speak with the director or take other action. Hugs
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Old 06-03-2009, 07:48 AM
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I think it's one thing for patients to use profanity. But it's quite another for the staff.

In my mind, it's just plain unprofessional.

I suppose one could use the arguement that the staff is trying to reach the teens on their level and using profanity is maybe a way to do that. But there are other ways to do so that aren't as disrespectful.

As an aside, this could be incidental or irrelevant. Bottom line is folks are there to recover and I might look at that first - not my experience by the way - sorry about that.

In my experience (been in treatment 3 times), staff has never used any profanity that I can recall - not excessively anyway, perhaps here or there or when quoting someone.
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Old 06-03-2009, 08:16 AM
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Thank you all so much, you have given me a lot to think on.

My daughter has been in there now for almost 4 months, she was home this last time on reflection because she ran away from there. She told me that she doesn't know how much more that she can take and she can't get out of there soon enough. The night she ran away she was upset with one of the case workers, she wanted to call home and talk to me because she was so upset. The case workers on duty that evening said that they would leave it up to the older members (other kids in there) the kids told her no that she couldn't call home. My daughters case worker was not working that evening but he let her call home once because she was so upset at that time. The kids told her no so my daughter ran away to a train station across the road to call me collect from the payphone. She sat there until the cops went to pick her up she was scared to go back on her own. They hadn't even realized that she wasn't at rehab until I called them, they had done a head count and thought she was there.

My husband took our ad back to rehab this past Sunday and also took a fan for our friends ad room. The case worker there was very rude to my husband. She asked him why he brought the fan into the building and he said that our friend had wanted her daughter to have it for her room. The case worker told my husband to take it back as the kids are not allowed to have fans. The weird part though is that our ad has one as do the other kids in there. I have seen her room and other rooms where the kids sleep. Dh was not allowed to go in the girls sleeping area when we did a tour. He did however know that that our daughter had her fan there but he wasn't about to argue with her.

My daughter has been called vile names and was told that she is going to die of aids before she reaches 40 years old. Reality check I am sure however, it is all in their wording, like instead of saying "You are a Crack#@$%! and are going to die of aids before you reach 40, they in my opinion should have worded it " this is what is going to happen if you keep on the road taking pills/drugs. My friends daughter has been called a prostitute for sleeping with her boyfriend and taking the pills from him.

I have been trying to call the man in charge to do a follow up, I complained to him about one of the caseworkers last week but I can't seem to reach him now. I want to know how the meeting between them went.

This rehab center is run by the gov't and donations. The fee we pay is very minimal.

My daughter is off drugs and is doing great that way. I just can't take her running away like that and saying that she isn't going to last in there. My friends daughter told her that my daughter is in there crying all the time. Her caseworker told me that they are basically not being as friendly towards her because of her reflections she has had. I told him I backed him up on his end however, the other case workers I would rather they just backed away from her and not talk to her opposed to insulting her etc...

My ad case worker suggested that I call this other case worker this evening when he is working.....I am calling at 6pm. I said to my daughters caseworker, everything that I have been hearing can't all be taken out of context.......he said that I was probably right.
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Old 06-03-2009, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted by lovemykids View Post
For anyone who has been to rehab or have a teen in rehab what was it like for you or for your child? I am having a hard time with the way a couple of the case workers seem to be working the program where my 17 yr old ad is.

This is making me question a few things (1) the foul language being used not just by case workers but by the kids in rehab themselves. (2) I don't care if someone is gay or straight, just don't go bragging about your sexuality etc by telling a child that your private parts are in your face.....(Sorry if I am graphic and please delete if necessary) (3) my friends child has been in there for 2 weeks and when her daughter called her this evening she told the case worker monitoring her phone call that she didn't know how to transfer the phone, he in turn said that she had no business phoning home if she didn't know how to #@%! transfer the call. This girls mother was on the phone listening to this. (4) I went up there to pick up my daughter on one of her "reflections" I had sent her up a parcel and it arrived at the time I was there to take her home. One of the case workers there asked me what was in the box, even though I was taking it back unopened with me. I told her and also mentioned that my daughters hair extensions were in there for when she had gone out on her 12 hour request. My daughter was allowed to have them when she went out on her 6 hour request before. Well, the case worker started raising her voice and asked me if it looked like they had a place to store things for the kids there? and she wasn't allowed to have them anyhow etc....I finally looked at her and said that I didn't know what they did with the kids things, how would I know what type of storage they have there and I also told her that I didn't even know her why is she yelling at me? Having the case worker talk to me like that made me question some of the things in which my daughter had told me but I didn't believe her, maybe I should have.

There are other things too like the kids being called bad names etc but I was told that my daughter had taken it out of context....yes they probably swore I was told but I was also told that is how this paticular case worker works. He has been there for 8 years and has a success rate. Fine and dandy but his way doesn't mean it is going to work 100% of the time.

I adore my daughters case worker, he has done wonders for her. He tells it like it is and I like that about him...he helped get my daughter to where she is right now. He is an addict but has been drug free now for almost 2 years. I don't agree with everything but I have told him that he has my support 100%.

I don't believe every word out of my daughter, wish I could but I have to stick with reality.

Can anyone tell me of their experiences with/in Rehab please?

Thanks in advance

sounds like a typical state run rehab center to me. I've been to both state run rehab centers and private facilities where I was paying around 1500$ per day to be there. The one good thing is all rehab centers whether they are free or cost 50,000$ all contain the same information towards recovery, relapse prevention, and staying sober.

The differences really come in with comfort levels, staff being considerate and friendly, and what types of patients are admitted.

Just remind your daughter that the stay is only temporary and she never has to go back there again...good luck to you and her
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Old 06-04-2009, 10:45 PM
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Might help you to look at it this way. In another year your daughter will be 18 old enough that if she were to go back on drugs she could go to jail. In jail she wouldn't be allow to call home just because she is upset, also there would be no hair extensions, fans or any other comforts. Not saying they are right but it could be worse. Glad she is getting help an is doing good.
Will keep you an her in my prayers.
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Old 06-05-2009, 05:07 AM
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"Just remind your daughter that the stay is only temporary and she never has to go back there again...good luck to you and her"

well, if she stays clean....



OK...
1) I have never worked in a rehab
2) Like anything else, there is good and there is bad. Being licensed doesn't mean good.


That said: I have worked as an addiction and mental health counselor for children, teens and adults. It is very difficult focusing on the child/teen without the parents interference. Yes. Interference. Treatment works when the patient gets an interpersonal experience he's never had before. Remember, he's in treatment for a reason, and all the things that he and his parents have tried in the past HAVE NOT WORKED. So it's time for something different. And that different experience could be 100 percent honestly all the time,("If you keep using needles you could get AIDS)" confronting the manipulations and rationalizations (and something as simple as wanting to call home can be a manipulation). , having a safe place to talk about your feelings about yourself, bad things that have been done to you, or are BEING done to you now, without a negative consequence.

It's hard for parents. We see our kids hurt and we want to make it better. But we havent' been making it better, so we go to someone else to help. Unless you think your child is being abused, and if you do get her out of there...my advice is to step back and let them do their work.
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