winnie12

Susan - all I can is Wow - that hit my heart - i am going to print that out and read it over and over. I think you have really reached a higher stage of acceptance and serenity. What you described is the person that I want to be towards my son - so far i've been reacting to his actions instead of being who i am.

Daisy09

Susan - I read your post, and immediately went over and gave both my girls a big hug and kiss and told them how much I love them I think your words are good guidance for any Mom in any situation.

Winnie - Wishing you a peaceful homecoming for your son.

~Daisy

dslalonde

Thanks Everyone,
I hope all of you grab and hug your children.
:ghug
A soft Touch is essential for every one, it can sooth and erase pain, and let the person know you care, and sometimes this is all that is needed.
Praying for you Winnie.
Keep me posted.
Susan

Marlie

Someone once told me when I was considering ways to handle my teenage daughter, that if I turned my home into a prison that prisoners try to escape. I have taken that advice and when drug testing is recommended, I won't do it. I resist the urge to lock her in her room until she is 25; however, tempting that may be. I don't need to drug test, I know if my daughter is using just by watching her.

I have taken a different approach through her teenage years. I will help her progress towards responsible adulthood. I have told her that if she needs emotional help, come to me and I will provide a psychologist or psychiatrist. If she needs help in school, I will find a tutor. If she needs a hug, I will give her one. I will provide assistance in looking for jobs. If she has substance issues, I asked that she come to me and I will find help. She was the one who wanted rehab, she asked for it. I refuse to demean her in any way. I talk to her with respect and in return she treats her family respectfully. When she didn't, I asked her to leave. She left and came back soon.

Winnie, your son knows what the consequences of drug use are and will be. Let him know that he makes the choices from now on. It is his choice how to live his life. No one wants to be addicted, provide the support and love that he needs to move forward. If he steps backwards (and we all do), let him assume the consequences.

I have a dear friend whose daughter died. Whenever I am frustrated with my 19 year old, I imagine how she would love to have my problems. Let your son know that you love him his and your HP will take care of the rest.

lagrutke

Hi Winnie,
I haven't posted here very much but have been reading quite a bit. I have a 19 year old son and a 13 year old daughter.

My son is currently in Marine boot camp. He lost his way for a bit doing drugs and the behaviors associated with drugs. He decided to turn his life around and worked for 3 months to get into shape so he could join the Marines.

I have recently read a book I think could be of tremendous help to you. It is very much along the lines of what DSLALONDE is talking about. You need to remember that not only does your son have a drug problem, he is also an adolescent. The combination of these two things makes things even more difficult. The book is entitled “Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind” by Michael J. Bradley. “Forget the provocative, in-your-face title. This book for the perplexed parents of teenagers is so rich and informative, so sensible in its approach, I could hardly put it down. Its down-to-earth description of adolescents, both normal and ‘over the edge’, is the best I have seen in years. “ – Clarice J. Kestenbuam, M.D. (President, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry)

If my husband and I had followed the suggestions in this book, I think my son would have had a better chance. Things were quite volatile in our house with my son getting the brunt of it. My husband and I are in counseling now with an addiction and anger therapist. It is doing wonders for our relationship, which I hope will help with my husband’s and son’s relationship. My husband had a problem with anger and he also smoked pot daily. In the past year, he has quit drugs and has managed his anger. For him, the quitting pot was much easier than the anger part. Of course, there I was doing the codie dance of trying to keep the peace in the house. So we all contributed to the mess we found ourselves in.

My point is, we, as a family, did everything the opposite of what is recommended in this book. I bought the book because this was not going to happen with my daughter. I can’t do over the past with my son, but I think we can grow and learn and make things better.

The book explains what is going on with the teenage brain and how your behavior can help shape what their teenage lives will be like.

All the best to you and yours.

winnie12

lagrutke - thank you for the book recommendation - i'll see if i can find that one. whether he comes home now or later (still up in the air) it sounds like it will be of help to me.