I need the straight story.....

Old 05-27-2009, 11:59 AM
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I need the straight story.....

My 22 year old AS went through rehab and was doing well until he got into the 1/2 way house. The first week he went into the 1/2 way house, he got his paycheck and bought drugs, tested dirty twice and was thrown out. He moved to another 1/2 way house...same story. He is now living with 2 high school friends. One takes loracet (hip pain problems), they all smoke pot, and my son shoots oxy's, but claims he has "only relapsed 3 times" since January and he has been clean for 2 weeks. He also works with "recovering" addicts. He claims that he needs to be around other "recovering" addicts for support. He also claims that during rehab, his counselor told him that it was better if he had support from other "recovering" addicts.

He claims that he does not enjoy Alanon or any other programs of that nature.

I say that he needs to be as far away from other recovering addicts as possible...that it is too tempting when one of the other addicts relapse. Especially being around it 24/7. He tells me I don't know what I am talking about.

I want to take him to an addiction psychiatrist (sp?), but feel as though I am wasting my money and time, since he has no desire to be away from other addicts. I have set an appointment for next Monday. He has agreed to go.

Please....any opinions, experiences or suggestions would really be helpfull.
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:10 PM
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Originally Posted by helpformyson View Post
I say that he needs to be as far away from other recovering addicts as possible...that it is too tempting when one of the other addicts relapse. Especially being around it 24/7. He tells me I don't know what I am talking about.
If that is true then why is AA and NA so successful with helping addicts and alcoholics maintain soberity?

I guess I didnt understand what you meant by "recovering" addicts?
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:10 PM
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sorry hit post button 2x
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:45 PM
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He's 22 and has been through rehab - he has the tools and the info he needs. Also - there is a HUGE difference between being around recovering addicts and being around active addicts. a recovering addict can teach them things and understand things that someone who doesnt use will never understand. In the end its his recovery and he's old enough to determine what he is going to do.
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:57 PM
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JMHO....He's 22 years old. It's time for you to stop mothering him. Of course you love him and always will; however, you cannot force him to recover (or not) your way. He must do it (or not) in his own way. Let him live his life and you need to concentrate on your own issues. ((((HUGS))))
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Old 05-27-2009, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by helpformyson View Post

My 22 year old AS went through rehab and was doing well until he got into the 1/2 way house.
Most do reasonably well in rehab because there are no drugs or the ups and downs associated with day to day living. They do not have to work 1-2 jobs just to keep their head above water. It sounds like your son is not done, yet.

If he claims he relapsed 3 X, since January, chances are he is an every day user and once again in full blown addiction.

As it relates to AA/NA programs, many young adults can't relate because they do not enjoy it. They have yet to hit their own bottom and are still stuck in fantasyland where everything is supposed to be fun.

Has he asked to see an addiction psychiatrist or is this your way of trying to control or cure his addiction?

I say this with tremendeous compassion. I understand how hard this is on you. Until he is willing to embrace his own recovery, it might be best to watch how you spend your money.
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Old 05-27-2009, 01:19 PM
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Originally Posted by helpformyson View Post
My 22 year old AS went through rehab and was doing well until he got into the 1/2 way house. The first week he went into the 1/2 way house, he got his paycheck and bought drugs, tested dirty twice and was thrown out. He moved to another 1/2 way house...same story. He is now living with 2 high school friends. One takes loracet (hip pain problems), they all smoke pot, and my son shoots oxy's, but claims he has "only relapsed 3 times" since January and he has been clean for 2 weeks. He also works with "recovering" addicts. He claims that he needs to be around other "recovering" addicts for support. He also claims that during rehab, his counselor told him that it was better if he had support from other "recovering" addicts.
He is right on this fact, however, there is a distinction thats made clear to patients in rehab between newly recovering addicts and old-timers. Once out of rehab I was told to stick with the winners (i.e people who had a year or more of sobriety) reason being that these people are much less likely to relapse and also have the ability to talk me through a craving or urge should one arise.

Originally Posted by helpformyson View Post
He claims that he does not enjoy Alanon or any other programs of that nature.
Not sure if you meant AA or NA instead of Alanon. He should not be going to Alanon, that is family members // friends of an addict / alcoholic to go to. Those types of meetings will be beneficial to you as opposed to him.

If you meant NA or AA, I can tell you that I used to say the same things to my parents. I did not relate to people in meetings because I hadnt lost anything, been arrested, stolen from people , yadda yadda. The core reason I did not like meetings was because these people were actually putting forth real effort to stay clean and truly wanted a better life. I just wanted to keep using but trick my parents into thinking I was cleaning up.



Originally Posted by helpformyson View Post
I want to take him to an addiction psychiatrist (sp?), but feel as though I am wasting my money and time, since he has no desire to be away from other addicts. I have set an appointment for next Monday. He has agreed to go.

Please....any opinions, experiences or suggestions would really be helpfull.
I saw an addictionologist who helped me understand a lot of the changes that were occuring in my brain during use and withdrawal of the drug. He helped me a lot with why I thought the way I did while using or when trying to clean up, atleast from a bio-chemical point of view. He was very informative and never judgemental (which is HUGE for addicts, when we are judged by ones we love or friends we completely shut down. nothing good can get accomplished).

I only saw this guy for the first 3 months of my sobriety (was paying 225$ per visit and was seeing him twice a week) If I had insurance I would most likely still be seeing him as I feel he taught me some very essential coping mechanisms for daily life.

I go to NA meetings these days which is like therapy as well, but, its free!!!

Hope that helped some. Stay strong and I hope your son gets on the path to recovery. ~~ scott




oh btw, he should NOT be living with people that are using a similar drug to his. (you said he likes OC's and his friend has scripts for lorcet??) that will just never work.
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Old 05-27-2009, 05:32 PM
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My son relapsed quickly after his 1st two inpatient rehabs.
Last yr. he was close to death at age 24 and went to an 18 mo program.
This time he had lost enough to see that his life was unmanageable.

You might need to detach for awhile, til your son is really ready to work a recovery program...even tho it is sad to watch him like this.
Do you work a program through al-anon?
Don't give up...be patient and learn ways not to obsess.
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Old 05-28-2009, 05:19 AM
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I totally agree that while living with "active" addicts, who just happen to be using drugs similar to my AS DOC, is not moving in a very good direction. This was my point to him.

As far as the addiction psychiatrist...I threw him a life line and he grabbed it. The psychiatrist told me that he would know if I was wasting my time and money to help my son, if indeed he was not ready. I have already come to the conclusion in my own mind that he is not ready, based on what I see. But like ex D-boy said, maybe it will help him understand a lot. If this proves to be a waste, I am throwing the towel in. I have already Marchman Acted him.

Thank you all for sharing...it truly helps.
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Old 05-28-2009, 05:31 AM
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Cassandra,
The use of the word "recovering" is what my son calls his roommates and co-workers. I agree with Winnie. They can't be "recovering" if they are in active use. Sorry for the confusion.

I also meant that my son does not like to attend AA/NA, not Alanon.

Thanks
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Old 05-28-2009, 05:41 AM
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Your son is exactly where he wants to be right now. My 31 year old AD has maintained a social circle of like-minded people in order for her to stay in denial and in her addictions.

She's been in jail numerous times, went to rehab where she was kicked out for non-participation (she thought it should be a bed and breakfast), lost custody of her children, now has a felony record, and she'll be the first to tell you she doesn't have a problem.

I've placed her squarely in God's hands and gone about the business of living my own life.
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