I need the straight story.....
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
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I need the straight story.....
My 22 year old AS went through rehab and was doing well until he got into the 1/2 way house. The first week he went into the 1/2 way house, he got his paycheck and bought drugs, tested dirty twice and was thrown out. He moved to another 1/2 way house...same story. He is now living with 2 high school friends. One takes loracet (hip pain problems), they all smoke pot, and my son shoots oxy's, but claims he has "only relapsed 3 times" since January and he has been clean for 2 weeks. He also works with "recovering" addicts. He claims that he needs to be around other "recovering" addicts for support. He also claims that during rehab, his counselor told him that it was better if he had support from other "recovering" addicts.
He claims that he does not enjoy Alanon or any other programs of that nature.
I say that he needs to be as far away from other recovering addicts as possible...that it is too tempting when one of the other addicts relapse. Especially being around it 24/7. He tells me I don't know what I am talking about.
I want to take him to an addiction psychiatrist (sp?), but feel as though I am wasting my money and time, since he has no desire to be away from other addicts. I have set an appointment for next Monday. He has agreed to go.
Please....any opinions, experiences or suggestions would really be helpfull.
He claims that he does not enjoy Alanon or any other programs of that nature.
I say that he needs to be as far away from other recovering addicts as possible...that it is too tempting when one of the other addicts relapse. Especially being around it 24/7. He tells me I don't know what I am talking about.
I want to take him to an addiction psychiatrist (sp?), but feel as though I am wasting my money and time, since he has no desire to be away from other addicts. I have set an appointment for next Monday. He has agreed to go.
Please....any opinions, experiences or suggestions would really be helpfull.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
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I guess I didnt understand what you meant by "recovering" addicts?
He's 22 and has been through rehab - he has the tools and the info he needs. Also - there is a HUGE difference between being around recovering addicts and being around active addicts. a recovering addict can teach them things and understand things that someone who doesnt use will never understand. In the end its his recovery and he's old enough to determine what he is going to do.
JMHO....He's 22 years old. It's time for you to stop mothering him. Of course you love him and always will; however, you cannot force him to recover (or not) your way. He must do it (or not) in his own way. Let him live his life and you need to concentrate on your own issues. ((((HUGS))))
If he claims he relapsed 3 X, since January, chances are he is an every day user and once again in full blown addiction.
As it relates to AA/NA programs, many young adults can't relate because they do not enjoy it. They have yet to hit their own bottom and are still stuck in fantasyland where everything is supposed to be fun.
Has he asked to see an addiction psychiatrist or is this your way of trying to control or cure his addiction?
I say this with tremendeous compassion. I understand how hard this is on you. Until he is willing to embrace his own recovery, it might be best to watch how you spend your money.
My 22 year old AS went through rehab and was doing well until he got into the 1/2 way house. The first week he went into the 1/2 way house, he got his paycheck and bought drugs, tested dirty twice and was thrown out. He moved to another 1/2 way house...same story. He is now living with 2 high school friends. One takes loracet (hip pain problems), they all smoke pot, and my son shoots oxy's, but claims he has "only relapsed 3 times" since January and he has been clean for 2 weeks. He also works with "recovering" addicts. He claims that he needs to be around other "recovering" addicts for support. He also claims that during rehab, his counselor told him that it was better if he had support from other "recovering" addicts.
If you meant NA or AA, I can tell you that I used to say the same things to my parents. I did not relate to people in meetings because I hadnt lost anything, been arrested, stolen from people , yadda yadda. The core reason I did not like meetings was because these people were actually putting forth real effort to stay clean and truly wanted a better life. I just wanted to keep using but trick my parents into thinking I was cleaning up.
I want to take him to an addiction psychiatrist (sp?), but feel as though I am wasting my money and time, since he has no desire to be away from other addicts. I have set an appointment for next Monday. He has agreed to go.
Please....any opinions, experiences or suggestions would really be helpfull.
Please....any opinions, experiences or suggestions would really be helpfull.
I only saw this guy for the first 3 months of my sobriety (was paying 225$ per visit and was seeing him twice a week) If I had insurance I would most likely still be seeing him as I feel he taught me some very essential coping mechanisms for daily life.
I go to NA meetings these days which is like therapy as well, but, its free!!!
Hope that helped some. Stay strong and I hope your son gets on the path to recovery. ~~ scott
oh btw, he should NOT be living with people that are using a similar drug to his. (you said he likes OC's and his friend has scripts for lorcet??) that will just never work.
My son relapsed quickly after his 1st two inpatient rehabs.
Last yr. he was close to death at age 24 and went to an 18 mo program.
This time he had lost enough to see that his life was unmanageable.
You might need to detach for awhile, til your son is really ready to work a recovery program...even tho it is sad to watch him like this.
Do you work a program through al-anon?
Don't give up...be patient and learn ways not to obsess.
Last yr. he was close to death at age 24 and went to an 18 mo program.
This time he had lost enough to see that his life was unmanageable.
You might need to detach for awhile, til your son is really ready to work a recovery program...even tho it is sad to watch him like this.
Do you work a program through al-anon?
Don't give up...be patient and learn ways not to obsess.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
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I totally agree that while living with "active" addicts, who just happen to be using drugs similar to my AS DOC, is not moving in a very good direction. This was my point to him.
As far as the addiction psychiatrist...I threw him a life line and he grabbed it. The psychiatrist told me that he would know if I was wasting my time and money to help my son, if indeed he was not ready. I have already come to the conclusion in my own mind that he is not ready, based on what I see. But like ex D-boy said, maybe it will help him understand a lot. If this proves to be a waste, I am throwing the towel in. I have already Marchman Acted him.
Thank you all for sharing...it truly helps.
As far as the addiction psychiatrist...I threw him a life line and he grabbed it. The psychiatrist told me that he would know if I was wasting my time and money to help my son, if indeed he was not ready. I have already come to the conclusion in my own mind that he is not ready, based on what I see. But like ex D-boy said, maybe it will help him understand a lot. If this proves to be a waste, I am throwing the towel in. I have already Marchman Acted him.
Thank you all for sharing...it truly helps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Cassandra,
The use of the word "recovering" is what my son calls his roommates and co-workers. I agree with Winnie. They can't be "recovering" if they are in active use. Sorry for the confusion.
I also meant that my son does not like to attend AA/NA, not Alanon.
Thanks
The use of the word "recovering" is what my son calls his roommates and co-workers. I agree with Winnie. They can't be "recovering" if they are in active use. Sorry for the confusion.
I also meant that my son does not like to attend AA/NA, not Alanon.
Thanks
Your son is exactly where he wants to be right now. My 31 year old AD has maintained a social circle of like-minded people in order for her to stay in denial and in her addictions.
She's been in jail numerous times, went to rehab where she was kicked out for non-participation (she thought it should be a bed and breakfast), lost custody of her children, now has a felony record, and she'll be the first to tell you she doesn't have a problem.
I've placed her squarely in God's hands and gone about the business of living my own life.
She's been in jail numerous times, went to rehab where she was kicked out for non-participation (she thought it should be a bed and breakfast), lost custody of her children, now has a felony record, and she'll be the first to tell you she doesn't have a problem.
I've placed her squarely in God's hands and gone about the business of living my own life.
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