winnie12

just wanted to update my friends on here on AS. We're getting closer to placement at the boys ranch. His new PO is coming by this morning for a home inspection - everyone gasps when I say that but really she's just making sure he doesnt live in a bad situation so i'm fine with that - heck i've had so many gov people in my house over the last year that if there were a problem i'd have heard by now.

Sunday went to special visitation - its where the well-behaved inmates can have dinner brought in. Got to the door and was told he was in a group fight and lost all priviledges. Only thing that upset me is that he didnt get word to me not to come.

Tomorrow is the official meeting with the state for his placement. I am a bit unsettled because the county PO cant be there and the pressure will be on from AS for me to "save him" from his consequences. He's trying to get me to come visit tonite - wants to see me before the hearing and i'm debating it. On one side i know it could be our last visit before he goes and on the other side i know its going to be his last ditch effort to manipulate me. I just cant decide whether or not to go.

When i talked to him last night i became really aware of what happens to me physically through all of this. The jail house talks are so over-the-top - its like listening to an auctioneer on speed. their trying to squeeze hours worth of excuses/promises/manipulation/blame/guilt into a ten minute phone call - just wears me out listening to it. I'm just ready (yet again) for him to get placed somewhere - somewhere this time far enough away that I dont have to be over their all the time.

outtolunch

I pray you find some peace, Winnie.

MyJoey

Winnie,

It all sounds good, I hope he gets placed very soon it sounds like your wearing out. I hope you can get some rest after this is over and restore your peace of mind. Not sure if you should visit him or not, I would have to since he will be going far away, but you have to do what is best for you. I really think he will adjust and like the Ranch once he is there, since it is so far from home you can rest easier knowing that he will not be running. I am thinking and praying for you. Julie

rayofsunshine

:praying

Prayers, Winnie, for you, and also for your AS. Trust that HP has already
worked out where he needs to be.

Impurrfect

(((Winnie)))

Praying for all of you, and that the boys ranch is in his near future, giving you and dd a well-deserved break.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Freedom1990

I agree with Anvil on this one.

My youngest lost privileges when she was in the foster home because one of the other foster girls there pierced Amber's tongue. I was livid. That one got brought up in front of the judge at the next hearing we had. She had to remove the jewelry, and the court documents were revised to state that if she got any piercings or tattoos, her stay would be extended another year in foster care.

She had a couple of weeks to sit and think about that one without good old Mom running down for a visit.

winnie12

Well i met his new PO this morning - I really liked her - she's tough but not overboard with it. She says he is def getting placed - she is not letting him come home and she is the final say on the matter. She did ask me if i was visiting tonite and when i told her that he said he "needed to see me before the hearing" that i shouldnt go because he was just going to try to manipulate me before we all meet. So yes ladies you were right and i'm not going to go tonite.

So instead i'm packing his bags up tonite so i can leave them with her tomorrow and i'm just going to find some peace tonite so that when i go in tomorrow i'm strong. She gave me a good pep talk about being tough tomorrow and calling him on any bs he tries - its a whole new group of people so they dont all know his history and it will be up to me to keep thinks upfront.

dslalonde

good luck Winnie,
Hope he gets alot of this.....
This will be a different setting entirely.
He will be completely out of his element.
Maybe we will see results

HurtingDad

Best of luck Winnie, sounds like the PO certainly knows the tricks.
Prayers and wishes for you and your son.

Impurrfect

(((Winnie))) - you'll be fine tomorrow. Just picture all of us, there with you...we'll put Anvil up front, and he won't stand a chance

Get some rest tonight, and just think...you and dd actually have MONTHS to focus on yourselves, and he can focus on him...what a deal!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

BBD

Good luck tomorrow winnie. My thoughts are with you and hopefully he gets placed and you can have some good ole breathing room. Smiles, Bonnie

Seren

(((Winnie))) I'm so glad you like your son's new PO and that she gave you a good pep talk! Sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Best of luck with everything! Please let us know how it all goes!
Hugs, HG

hope213

i feel your pain & know your confusion. my son has been in & out of prison since he was 21 & is now pulling a 7-9 yrs sentence. i have worked my recovery hard & without it i would be insane. i do not have any conversation that upsets me & i visit only if i want to. i do not let my son make me feel guilty anymore. i use to think all of this was my fault. i go see him for ME. he is my son & i love & miss him. when i learned to respect myself he learned to respect me. i am glad u r not going tonite. he would only upset you. i am glad u like his p.o. let us know what goes on. i am saying a prayer for you & your son.

winnie12

Things went well today - it was actually a much shorter meeting than I expected. They approved everything and someone from the ranch will be picking him up Wednesday morning. I gave his PO his clothes so that's all handled. There was a slight bit of complaining but he didnt try to talk anyone out of the placement - he seems to have accepted it before he got in there today. He was kissin up a bit to me in front of them but i think he finally realizes that if he tries to make me look bad in front of these people he can jeopardize ever coming home so that was wise on his part. No anger so that was a huge relief. his PO was going back in to talk to him when i left to give him the lowdown on what would happen to him if he messed up this opportunity - i'm hopeful that she got through to him.

Still feel like i just got run over by a truck - dont know why - guess its just the emotional hangover from everything.

rayofsunshine

Awww Winnie, a nice bubble bath is in order for you!! Treat yourself to something
special too... a nice latte, etc. You deserve it for staying strong through this.
Glad your son has a good and tough PO... hoping he "gets it" while he's at the
ranch. Keep praying for him momma... he's so lucky to have a mom like you!

Freedom1990

Winnie, I felt exactly like that too once my youngest was finally placed in the foster home. All the weeks she was in juvie detention, then on to the maximum security facility after she ran from the group home, all the various court appearances, it really hit me hard once she was placed.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to decompress, okay? :ghug :ghug

Jody Hepler

I am so proud of you. As another Mama, even though things went well - and he is going to his placement - it still is difficult for our hearts. The emotional pain is incredible.

Just because we "do the right thing", doesn't mean that we will not hurt.

I know for me, I am good in a crisis - but then crash after the fact - after all the emotions I've been holding in check to get through the court stuff finally surface.

Just be good to yourself - I'm a bubble bath and chocolate kind of gal.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

P.S. As Hangin' In says, I'm grateful that I am not in the front row for all of their drama anymore.

Impurrfect

(((Winnie)))

I, too, am pretty good during a crisis. Once it all settles down, though, I just want to collapse.

I'm glad he ended up a good ways from home, where he will be safe, away from the kids he knows, and too far from home to be tempted to run. I'm also glad that you and dd can now find out what life's all about when you're not running around, stressed out about AS. This time and distance, I think, will do you all some good.

I hope you can give yourself a little TLC and pampering. You are way past due for this!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Seren

((((Winnie)))) Be good to yourself! I think you may just be decompressing from the run-up to the hearing....I'm so glad that everything went well, that your son behaved himself, and that it's just a matter of counting the days until Wednesday!

Hugs, HG

gotahavfaith

Winnie
I have been on this site for about a year now, mostly just reading, sometimes posting when things got to out of control. I have read all that you have been thru and IT IS NO WONDER THAT YOU ARE WORN DOWN!

I think you are a very courageous lady and have stood your ground even tho it broke your heart. I agree with Jody, just because you did the right thing doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and I aspire to be like you and some other good people on this forum. Please take care of yourself now.

Gotahavfaith