JMFburns

I need your strength and prayers today. I know my sons prior drug abuse is the cause of his current homeless situation. It is hard to remember I did not cause this, that it isn't because of being a crappy parent, that there isn't something I could do now to make it all better.

After a few weeks of staying w/someone he is back at the homeless shelter and experiencing lifestyle shock. There was hopeful news this week that he may be able to get into a more permanent housing situation where there would be social workers available each day and they would assist him to make a plan for his future and work on the plan. It may take 1-2 months to get into that though.

I sat with him this morning for about an hour and he cried and cried, then he would pull himself together and talk some, but then cry some more. I hold it together when I'm with him, but after I walk away I cry and grieve. I called one of my NarAnon group members, she talked through things with me and reminded me that I've got to let go, he's got to work through this on his own, if he doesn't start doing that now . . . he never will.

I'm trying to turn it around, to remember that he has a higher power (not me!) and that he does have to do this on his own. I'm trying to remember that I need to take care to me. It's just so dang hard, that is why I'm asking for your strength and prayers to help me to be strong.

Thanks,
Joan

Impurrfect

(((Joan)))

Sending you big hugs and prayers! I can only imagine how hard this is. I remember the look in my dad's eyes, when he would pick me up, buy us a chicken lunch, then drop me back off in the 'hood...so much pain.

We kids are remarkably resilient, sweetie. He will never learn how to get from crying and desparation to figuring how to make this into a challenge and making the best out of it, if he's not left to figure it out on his own.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

JMFburns

Thank you Amy, thank you, thank you, thank you.

It means so much to hear that from you.

Joan

Freedom1990

I have watched you grow so much, Joan!

Amy is right, we are resilient, and need to be left to figure it out on our own. My parents were my best enablers. They couldn't grasp the concept of tough love, and all it did was drag out my addiction for years and years and years.

You are doing the right thing! :ghug :ghug

stefanie

Joan, my oldest As is homeless also. (couchsurfing again). This is the direct result of the choices that he has made. This is painful,
but I am walking beside you in this. Sending strength your way,
and remember their HP is with them.
hugs, Stef

winnie12

This is my same struggle right now so all i can offer is hugs

BBD

Hi Joan, I'm so sorry your feeling so down about all this but try to think about how far you have come in the journey. Your son is busy trying to heal himself and find his way so that he will have a better life. Its so hard as moms to step aside but its cridical that we do. Since I have, my son has worked miracles with himself and is now on a smoother road and doing well. All my thoughts and strenght are with now as you face a new dilemna but hang on and hopefully things will work in both of your favors.....Smiles, Bonnie

Serenity Bound

Joan, I'm sending you lots of mom to mom hugs.

Chris

dorton

Going through the same thing so I know how much it hurts. Praying for you.

Hangin' In

Joan,

Your friend is so right. I know for me, as a mom, I had to learn to back off and let my daughter learn. Someone put it to me this way: As long as I kept stepping in to save my AD, I was actually cheating her or stealing from her the opportunity to learn what she needed to learn in order to become the responsible adult I always wanted her to be. Boy, when I got that through my head, it became somewhat easier for me to back off and let the chips fall where they may.

It is never easy, but it helps me to remember that I don't want to cheat my AD.

Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In

marle

From my own experience, my daughter living at home did not work for the long haul. She lived with us for a couple of months after her halfway house. She is 23 and has not lived at home since she was 18. She drank a couple of times which broke my boundary and so she was asked to find her own place. Since then we have a much better relationship because she is now totally responsible for how she wants to live. That makes her addiction, her recovery and how she wants to spend her life back where it belongs--squarely on her shoulders. I was never very good at controlling her behavior although God knows that I tried. Hugs, Marle

MyJoey

Joan,
Your post made me cry, I am so sorry. It is so painful when we can't help our kids. Hugs and prayers. Julie

hope213

i am sorry you are hurting. it is hard on us moms but stick with it. he has fell & i pray he will get up. he has got to do this. my prayers for you & for him. mom hugs,

greeteachday

(((((Joan))))) I hope you feel a little better today. It's very difficult to see our kids cry and I know I always wanted it to be like when they were little - kiss the boo-boo, lots of hugs, and wipe away the tears. Sadly, it isn't possible.
As Hangin' said, saving our addicted kids just prolongs their use. It helped me when someone drew an illustration for me, showing how my enabling was filling in the holes so my child could pass safely without falling to her "bottom" and continue to use.

Spiritual Seeker

I feel your pain, I understand and send support for I have walked in your shoes.
No pain is greater for me than when my child suffers.
Some days we detach easily, some days we just have to sit with the feelings.
May you find peace tomorrow, may your son find a path that leads him to better days too.