rough, un-settling week
 

Hi everyone, This week has just about done me in. I feel so unsettled, feel my recovery is really suffering.

At work, I feel so much anxiety, the bitterness between the 3 bros & the 1 who left is thick. At times I feel they are taking their bitterness out on me. So of course, I finally blew. :react

Then there's my AD. When she relapsed at few weeks ago, I felt I handled it very well. Then when we talked last friday, she was very depressed, wanted to die, said she didn't know if she wanted to be clean (she would have had 6 mos today), and didn't want to go to meetings the rest of her life. Again, I felt I handled it okay, offered to drop her off at the hosp, she refused, then told her I loved her & hoped she would chose life. The next day she went to an AA conference and said she felt very inspired. Also made an appt with her doc for weds.

Weds, I won't go into all the details, bottom line, she took a handful of pills and her H called the cops. She was escorted to the hosp. Yesterday, her H called me to inform me that she was being admitted to another hosp for 3 day evaluation. Been there & done that b/4......so of course my mind set is that how will that help.

Meanwhile, I had taken on the job of GR for my home group.

At this moment, I feel so over-whelmed, so frustrated, and just plain sick at heart. I'm using the tools of the program, but feel like I've just been talking the talk, instead of walking the walk. I just don't feel I can handle this stuff again.

:a108:

Hi Chris. (It's my last day of school, we're doing nothing in the computer lab, no one can see my computer screen, therefore, I thought I'd get on for a little).

I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time :hug:
I hope your daughter is planning on getting clean/sober and loving her life instead of what's happening now. You can't really do much for her at this point, I think you know that though. :hug:

If you're feeling overwhelmed, is there anyway you might be able to back out of the GR job? I mean, lessen the stuff on your plate a little right now.. I think people would understand. :hug:

I wish I could give you more than three,
Jay

Serenity,

I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.

Your interactions with your AD were an inspiration to me though, thanks.

Hope things get better for you.

Jay, Thank you so much for the hugs, I just got teary eyed when I saw them. When is graduation??

Joan, I guess that as long as my interaction with Ad is good, I'm allowed to break down later. :wink: I know that you are also going through a rough spot, so I'm sending you prayers.

Hugs to both of you.
Chris

((((Chris))))
I guess this is a fake it til you make it point, huh? I can relate. There are times where no matter how solid my recovery has seemed, I feel like an imposter and also like I am hanging by a thread. I find the best things for me during those times are:
Lots of time alone for quiet reflection (but only if I'm not real depressed or stuck in my head)
Reading motivational books (the non-12 step book I find most helpful in struggling times is The Secret. When I focus on the law of attraction I do find it helps)
Getting lost in one of my passions - gardening, a long hike, getting out on my kayak, a long walk with my camera.
Giving myself some time to feel the funk, but then reminding myself it is time to remember I can control how I look at things..."when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."
Got you in my prayers, Chris...and your daughter too. Hugs

:hug:

Hi. Been thinking about you :hug:

Oh, and graduation is tomorrow :)

Who ever told us we weren't supposed to feel anything anymore??? Of course you are going to feel stressed when these kinds of things are going on with a loved one, your child! But the point is we still take care of ourselves and don't get all caught up in the drama. You are doing awesome!

Chris,

I am getting ready to walk out and door, but wanted to stop in and give you a (((((BIG HUG))))) I am so sorry you are dealing with so much right now. I wish, I had the magic words to make you feel better. You have helped so many people with your kind words, I wish there was something I could do. I will pray hard for you and your daughter that she gets and stays clean and you find some comfort and peace in your life, I am just so sorry you are dealing with so much. Julie

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I wish strength for you.

Serenity, oh how I know.

I agree with Greet. It's time you take healthy care of yourself. Do something for you. And as my sponsor says, it always helps when I get outside of myself, do something for someone else, too Now those two things sound a bit contradictory, but both work for me.

I remember when I was in my worst period of dispair, my job actually saved my sanity. I had to go to work and I had to focus on something other than my AD. As much as I'd love to NOT have that job, it was a blessing in disguise.

You've been at this recovery thing for a while now and so have I. I just posted about a relapse for me and this is after nearly 7 years working a program. All this just shows me that there will be good days and then days when I'm just not at the top of my game. But the good thing is that I know what I need to do to get myself back on the recovery train. Make my meetings, call a recovery friend, read my recovery material, spend time in prayer and meditation, realize that when I'm obsessing about someone else I'm losing the good in today.

Yeah, yeah, I know you've heard all that. I just thought I'd tell you and it might serve as a gentle reminder (plus I need to hear it myself...:)).

Hugs and prayers. You're going to be okay...I just know.

Hangin' In