Addiction and Cell Phone Use
 

Hello! I just have a question regarding addicts and their cell phone use. We know this guy that uses around 3000 mins. per month on this cell phone. At least eight of the numbers in the phone are drug dealers for sure. There may be more. Most of the phone calls are just 2 mins. long or less. Incoming and outgoing. Very few of the calls are more than 3 mins. If the phone call is more than 3 mins., it usually is his mom.

My question is this. Does this mean the addict is looking to buy drugs or sell drugs? Or does he just have a phone addiction?

yes, if you are trying to help this person and he is denying he is using drugs.

My 20 year old has a cell phone. I have no desire to know how many minutes she uses a month, or who she calls. It's none of my business, and she's an adult.

My 31 year old has a cell phone. I have no desire to know how many minutes she uses a month, or who she calls. It's none of my business, and she's an adult.

I got out of the crazy-making thinking/behaviors a few years ago. :)

You did not cause it. You cannot control it. And you certainly cannot cure it.
If anyone had found the cure, there would be no addicts, anywhere.

Addiction is a lonely battle between the addict and the demons, within.

Has this suspected addict asked for your help?

Not for help to get off drugs, but for help in other ways yes. I won't help someone that is not trying to help themselves and just continues to lie and use people.

Like I said. He has asked for my help in other ways. It doesn't take any of my time, I just get tired of hearing a phone ring all the time when he is around. Someone told me that he has 3000 mins on his phone and has gone over that amount. I also don't like seeing him use other people in so many ways.

When I'm trying to help someone get on their feet and it affects me, I do a little checking. Not much.

GoodKarma,
Your reaction to him is normal behavior in the abnormal situation of being a friend or loved one of an addict. There is nothing in your behavior to feel shame or guilt for.....it's the usual outcome when addiction sucks us into obsession about what the addict is doing. This happens to each and every one of us and this is what we try to recover from. Some here have had more time to recover and some are new at it and it often takes a few years to really unlearn the patterns addictive relationship sets into place. No one here is better than anyone else and we are all subject to codependent relapse.

I understand the concern...the wanting to know if he's just a user or also a dealer (lots of users are dealers as you know). Certainly if you are afraid for his possible arrest, the punishment for one is much more severe than for the other, and I understand your concern.

But I'm so sorry to tell you that even knowing the truth would not help you nor him. If he is using illegal drugs, I would be careful about what he might hide in your car or your home. If he's dealing, I think I'd rather not know at all so I would not be an accessory.

But I do have to say that if I were married to someone I suspected might be a drug dealer, I would want to know as much as I could of any kind of serious criminal activity which would create severe legal problems for me.

But if he is not your husband.....well, God withholds information from us for a purpose. There is a larger story at work, I believe, which is playing itself out.

So...if he's just a friend and you have no legal need to know if drug dealing is taking place in your home, then please find a way to disconnect from his personal pursuits. It pulls you away from your center and before long, you bounce from one emotion to another, and your thinking and behavior becomes erratic.

Good luck. Stay safe.

When someone is an active addict, I don't try to help them get on their feet. I don't engage with them in any way, shape, or form.

So do you have any assurance he isn't going to use you like he does other people?

bluejay and freedom, thank you both for your kind and healthy advice. I have got to work on distancing myself from the whole family. It's really stressing me out. I have cut some of the family out of my life completely and am working on getting away from it all. However, right now I have to work for the family and I'm trying my best to leave it all behind and not have to be connected to them in any way.

Yes, I'm sure he would probably try to use me just like he uses everyone else that tries to help him. I don't understand addiction so I keep trying to treat him like a normal person and it doesn't work.

Thanks again. You both make a lot of sense.

No, that usually doesn't work! I hope you continue to post and seek support for yourself. I can only imagine how difficult it is working for the family.

Good KArma,
everyone's advice up here is right on point.
I don't know your addict, however I will say that in my experience with addicts those 2 min. or less phone calls from strange numbers at odd times and ALWAYS drug calls.
But it'll drive you crazy trying to figure out the why's and the how's. I don't understand what goes on during those calls but those were always a red flag that my ex-fiancee' was up to no good.
I started by not checking his phone anymore.
Then when that stopped helping me stay sane,
I kicked him to the curb.
Maybe that'll prove to him I know. :)

my teen can have a ton of calls on her cell phone. It does not mean anything just the way that kids keep up with each other. I'm with my teen most of the time so I know there is no drug addiction going on. When something like a phone ringing all the time begins to bother you you must decide why that bothers you so much in the time you are there. I know that when I first started recovering from my addiction and going to meetings the comings and goings and getting up getting coffee, leaving, smoking drove me crazy till I understood that it was my control issues and my Obesssive compulsive need to control people around me then once I understood this I no longer cared who went where at what time in those meetings. I realize each person is on a journey of their own to get well and it's not my place to police them. I hope you can realize that you are never going to be able to police people or control them, just let it go you will be much happier.

Usually men don't like to talk on the phone. You don't say his age - but if he's not a teenager then i would say he does not normally like talking on the phone.

I think you knew the answer to your question before you posted it but just wanted to talk about it. Yes, it's drug related. If he's an active addict, everything is drug related. Whether he is buying or selling i don't know, but you would know if you lived with him.

Remember having one land-line in a home? When the phone rang, anybody could answer it, and the call could have been for anyone in the house. My regret with cell phones is how it distances people. My son just got married, and because he and his wife have cell phones, they do not get a chance to talk to each other's friends (even just to answer the phone). Even if I call this son, because it is his cell phone i never get a chance to say "hello" to his wife because she is never answering his phone...

I can see why addicts love cell phones because it helps them be secretive ....

I add this only as a point of information. My future addict step son's cell phone minute use ramped up considerably when he started with the crack....all very short phone calls...likely made by him to get drugs, or rented out to dealers to make deals.

His dad cut off the phone.

Hugs, HG

Yes, I did pretty much know the answer before I posted this question. I wanted to hear some feed back from some other people and see what others have gone through and that this was just not my imagination. I have just never seen anyone use a cell phone that much before.

He is in his middle 40's. He is not a teenager. Thanks for letting me know situations you have gone through.

thanks hydrogirl - knowledge is power

The married son i mentioned in my post who just got married is not an addict. I was just trying to say the nature of cell phones is to fragment which i do not think is a good thing for any relationship - there has to be transparency.

One of the married couples in the friends/family group i go to (husband recovering addict) has been counseled by their marriage/addiction counselor to make a point of checking each other's cell phone details 1) because the wife has to see that transparency because the husband used the cell phone for his addiction and 2) because any married couple should have that kind of transparency in the relationship. I think that is so wise. There is something about a cell phone that is not your own that when it rings, you don't answer it even if it belongs to your family member!! Try it sometime! the person at the other end is shocked! And looking at received calls, etc., of somebody else's cell phone is like opening up their mail! What is with that? I know somebody here will say it's because that number is strictly for the person on the contract - but that does not make it the wisest thing... We don't think of landlines in that way even though only one person's name is on the bill.

Just rambling here...