In limbo...venting
 

Hi all, just needed to vent a bit...

Well, M is now scheduled to have an evaluation with a Suboxone/addiction-specialist psychiatrist on Tuesday...for them to decide whether he really "needs" to see them!!! That was my boundary - when he went on the Suboxone before, I told him if it didn't work, he needed to seek another source of help - preferably one that was legal. I know he is still using now, but he is keeping it out of the house and away from the family. So it's pretty frustrating for now because we're sort of "on hold." I'm having this internal struggle...on the one hand, he sought out legal, legitimite help on his own with no help from me, which is good, but then on the other hand I feel like I'm enabling because I know he is using and I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it because I don't want to kick him out of the house when he is actively seeking help. I just wish this was simple...

Well, fortunately I was there when they finally called him back and gave him an appointment, so at least I know that is true

That one's been troubling me, but it's a bridge I'll have to cross if I come to it...I told him to be sure not to play down anything, and to make it very clear to them that he has a lot to lose, including the worlds two most adorable little girls, so hopefully they'll take him - all my digits are crossed!

When on the Subs before, he told me how great it felt to have no desire to use, like the world had been lifted from his shoulders, so I don't think (although I could always be wrong) that he'd use while on them. There hasn't (yet) been much lying involved, more just not telling me things, so I'm inclined, for now, to believe him. I'm hoping that the psychiatrist is not one of those "give 'em a prescription & forget 'em" kind of doctors I've heard about. He's not really good at sharing his feelings, so I think group work would be an obstacle to recovery for him, so again I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the program will involve regular meetings with the psychiatrist.

I'll try and de-wussify myself as much as I can :) Right now I'm focusing on little good things every day to maintain. Two days ago, my 6 year old told me I was her "pretty angel Mommy" so that one's been keeping me going for a while now!

:tyou ~Daisy

I want to add that he also needs to be honest at his appointment so they can adequately evaluate him. My abf goes to a psychiatric/addiction specialist, but isn't honest with him. Then I get the "But I AM getting help, I'm going to Dr. ______". He goes about once a month if that. He is helpful to him in many regards, but so far there has been no improvement in terms of addiction issues...

I don't know the rest of your story, but it sounds like he was on Suboxone before and it didn't work for him?

Well...he was on it, but had a very limited supply because he did not get them legally and his source got arrested (big surprise), so he had to taper very early and it just wasn't long enough. They worked in that they did stop his cravings and wd symptoms, so he really wants to give them another shot...

((Daisy))

I hope things work out for him on getting the subs. I see that you already am aware of this, but just want to remind you that getting off the dope is the easy part. If he is approved for the subs, and the dr. is a good one, he will probably be put on them with the plan of eventually tapering him down to get him OFF of them. At that point, your AH is going to have to have something else in his recovery tool box to deal with life.

Most of us RA's weren't to keen on having to deal with the remorse, shame, etc. in order to learn from it and change our addictive behavior in order to move forward. It hurts, but it is essential. I, personally, think A's can find a program that works for them. 12-steps work for a LOT of people, but for some, they don't. There are endless options, just as there are for us codies. The point is, once we want it bad enough, we will find it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

I really want to caution you with subs and seeing the pysch doc....

My ex went into a suboxone program. The requirement was to attend group 3 times a week and see the pysch doc once a month. I thought that THIS WAS GREAT. He really was finally going to get the help he needs. I really thought his biggest problem was the fear of the w/d's. Sometimes the subs are portrayed as the MIRACLE pill.

ITS NOT. What has been said above is soooo true. The subs work for the w/d's but they can also be abused and or sold/traded for opiates.....

My ex DID NOT WORK the program. He went in and nodded and went along with it but he didnt accept it. Soon he saw the "value" of the subs and began doing the opiates again and keeping a couple of the subs on hand so that if he ran out of opiates he didnt have to get to deep into the withdrawals.

I just wanted to caution you with this. I really hope your bf gets into real recovery and begins to get healthy but so many times WE want it worse then they do and WE become blinded by the fact that we are dealing with a disease that is baffling and cunning in every respect.

As far as the pysch doc goes, he was one of those "hey how's it going? Good ok well here is your next months script...On your way now".

Not only that but I never got the FULL truth about his program. SO many times the story changed about when he was supposed to be there and how it worked and so on and so on.

Like I said this is what happened in my situation. Something different may happen for you but just go in with EYES WIDE OPEN.

Best of luck.....