Arrrrrgggggghhhh!!!
 

When it rains it pours. Okay, first (as most of you know, most recently) I found out that my narcissist AH has been cheating on me for the past 8 months (If the truth been known it was probably longer then that) and it wasn't really a surprise .. Turned out to actually be a blessing in disguise - Amen!

Then I tell him he cannot come home. I kick him officially out - Should have done that way sooner then I did. Good riddance!

Afterward, I look around at the yard and it is out of control, but the mower was already broken/wouldn't start, lawn looked like he!!, pastor comes by fixes mower/gets it running, mower breaks this time for good, lawn was so overgrown and needed to be gone over again with blades lowered, so lawn is mowed, but looks shabby. Oh and lets not forget that pile of junk he has piled up over by the broken down gazebo that needs to be loaded up and hauled off to the dump (which is going to cost a pretty penny or three) to pay someone to do cause God knows exAH isn't going to lift a finger to handle it nor is he going to reach into his pocket and help pay to get someone to come in and take it away.

Next the dryer stops working. I have to pay ex to take it to the dryer repair guy. Then I have to pay to have it repaired. Arrrggggghhhh!!!

and now the van was overheating so I took it to the shop, paid almost $40 dollars to have it diagnosed only to find it has a blown head gasket and it is going to cost 1400.00 to fix it. I can't afford that with all the bills I have to pay including all the old bills he stuck me with and rent, groceries, so on and so forth. This is my only means of transportation to get to work and take Dakota to Doctors, go to store, hall kids around (you get the picture).

I could have him drive me, but he charges me to take me on jobs. Plus it cost me my sanity and makes me ill cause he is toxic, toxic, toxic. Oh by the way, did I mention he is T O X I C! Arrrggggghhhh!!!

Too, I so bummed because today the kids and I were supposed to go to an event that the candlelighters sponsored (candlelighters is for kids with cancer) There were two events actually .. one was Dozer day (the kids get to ride in all the big boy toys) and the other was the 14th annual kids day where the kids all get to go fishing at a place where they are guaranteed to catch fish. They were so excited thinking we would get to go and it broke my heart to disappoint them cause they were up at the crack of dawn happily gathering the things they wanted to bring with them to the "beach" as they called it.

They are so little, yet have had so many promises broken to them already. Disappointment after disappointment. You should have seen their little faces when I told them we were not going to be able to go. Arrrrrrrrgghhhhh!!!

On top of everything else the toilet clogged and I am ready to pull my hair out and I have a tooth that needs a root canal and it is causing me great pain.

Oh, and I also found out that he had been lying to me about the medical bills he said he had been paying when I called the kids dentist to make an appointment for them and I was told that the account had been closed without action due to Dakota's situation and they didn't have the heart to press payment, but that they wouldn't be able to see my kids anymore.

I absolutely love that dentist. He is one of the best and my kids were so comfortable going to him. I asked if there was a way that I could reopen the bill, pay it off in payments just so they could keep their dentist. The bill owed was three thousand dollars after the insurance paid. So they tacked it back on me, but won't charge me interest. I have to pay up to $500.00 first before my kids can get an appointment and then whatever my insurance doesn't pay at the time of visit I have to pay upfront... Arrrrrgggggghhhh!!!

I am tired, stressed and ready to scream.

I need a break!!!

I just don't have the money to pay out to every thing that is hitting me all at once. A running vehicle is of great priority cause my livelihood depends on it. Please lift this situation up in prayer. I am believing that God has a plan and a car just perfect for me. Also say a little prayer for my kiddo's they are beginning to ask about why daddy doesn't come home anymore. I told them that he has been naughty so I put him in a time out at Uncle Norm's. They asked when he be out of time out and I said I didn't know. Dakota cried. Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhh!

I don't have the heart to tell them that he won't be coming back home to live, EVER!)

I am trying so hard to do all the right things for us, but sometimes I feel like I am swimming against the current with no land in sight and right now

Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

Arrrggggghhhh!!!
Passion

Did all this happen in one day? If not... perhaps you might be compounding the problem. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change it! Try this.... imagine your life as a pathway and that you're walking thru the woods and over a bridge... resist the temptation to look back...look straight ahead... so you can see the sunshine coming thru the trees at the edge of the forest!

*Many situations are like eating an elephant... one bite at a time...

*Have you tried writing things down? Seeing things in black and white has a tendency to make them seem more manageable.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

So much that I want to say right now, but I'm not capable of making you feel better right now. You've been through SO much and deserve SO much better. I've read your posts, know what I want to say, but I don't have the words right now but to say that .... this isn't fair... you deserve more... your kids deserve more... he'll get what's coming...You've given so much to so many of us. God doesn't let us down like this - hang tight - He won't fail you. I'll have a better head about me tomorrow, but I KNOW you've fought the fight and I know your HP won't fail you right now. Hugs to you NP - so sorry you feel this stress and turmoil.

Prayers already sent up!!

Nyte

:abcd:

I certainly sounds overwhelming right now; but I know things will look up soon.

You have been an inspiration for so many here with everything you have been through. By all means prayers are going up for you and the kids.

God will for sure show you the way, as He has in the past.
Tomorrow is another day; I pray things start looking brighter tomorrow.

I agree with the above, nyte dear. Handle it in little manageable pieces.

You can hang clothes out to dry now that it is no longer raining here in Oregon. You can barter to get the lawn mowed.

Have you considered--now that AH is not going to be living with you--inviting another single mom to share the rental house (and maybe she has a car).

Kids teeth....well just rinse and brush a lot until next year?

And AH: well, just be a little careful that the children don't equate time out with never coming back.....you know, just in case their little minds think they might be booted....you know what I mean. I'm sorry they are upset and things will settle down now that you have made a firm decision about your separation. (And it is ok to say "separation" to them, I think). The transition to a peaceful life in the future is worth every bit of chaos now, sweetie, so just keep your eyes on the prize.

In wartime, don't they call it triage.....taking care of the biggest worst wounds first?

I would say that is the car. Again, know any other single moms?

Wishing you a good night's sleep and peace in the morning, sweetie. I know you are praying and many here are praying for you as well, including me.

God bless you and your children.

Bluejay

I don't really have anything to say that could make you feel better, other than I am keeping you and your kids in my thoughts...

Wshing you a better day today,
Daisy

Good suggestions. Hang on Nyte.... remember, one day at a time. When it gets too nuts, do one minute at a time.

Put in ad in the local paper or an on-line site and look for some help. Talk more to your pastor... can he suggest some services or perhaps there is someone in your church who would be willing to help, or barter or as suggested, needs a place to stay and could help out.

Prayers going up for you and the kids. Be grateful that you have removed some of the chaos in your life. Once I made my decision and was certain, I have always said, "I don't care what I have to do, what it costs me, etc.... I will make it work somehow. At least I am free from his crazines... at least semi-... he is my kids Dad.

It gets better. Hang in and keep talking.

Lifting you and your family in prayer.

Hang on tight.

Do you have or are you planning to get a court order for child support?

Definitely praying for you and your family!:sorry

Sending prayers up for you and the children ny.....sounds like you need a good ole Harley run. We do alot of that around here for families in need. So, as everyone says~~one day at a time and one problem at a time. Just maybe you can spread the word and get someone to take care of that car first. Big mom hugs, Bonnie Seems like the biggest problem is gone so maybe things will fall into place now...

Prayers go out to you and your family. You can find bartering and roommates at Craig's List on the Internet - where I have found my tenants, including one who pays reduced rent in exchange for house-keeping, childcare and healing work. Ask for references.

Keeping you and the kids in my prayers. keep breaking it down into managable pieces and asking for help...here, in person and with your HP. It will all fall in place now that you have taken steps for positive change.