Update AND "Addict's Mind is so Irrational to Me"
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 59
Update AND "Addict's Mind is so Irrational to Me"
I usually don't let myself get sucked into the "whys" of WHY addicts act/say what they do, but sometimes it's like watching one of those reality shows where a guy has attached a rocket to the back of his bicycle and tries to drive it off the top of a mini-mart roof to see if it will fly: I JUST CANNOT HELP BUT WATCH/REWIND IT WATCH IN COMPLETE AMAZEMENT THAT THE DRIVER COULD BE SO STUPID & IRRATIONAL.
Case in point: My ex-afiance had $800 left to his name the day I moved away. In 10 days, he spent every last penny on drugs, clothes, gambling, and BS. Then he has the nerve to send me a text telling me he's hungry and has no money for food. I told him to go to the social service building located one block away from his residential hotel and apply for food stamps or go to a church and tell it to the minister. I swear, if I had $800 left to my name I would squeeze every last bit of survival from it, save it, cherish it, and be doing anything I could to get a job to squeeze by and save money. So stupid and irrational. But I'm very glad it happened because it has solidified any doubt I had that staying/leaving whould change his behavior. Now that I know he wasted this money, it makes it much easier to discontinue contact and leave him behind to face his consequences. An 8 month prison term last year didn't change anything, my threats and begging didn't change anything, and being left to live at a residential hotel on skid-row with only $800 to his name didn't change anything. Nothing changes if nothing changes. So be it.
AND THE UPDATE ABOUT ME: I finally moved away from my ex-afiance to a different state in the USA. I've been gone 13 days and it's absolutely wonderful, although it was at first difficult to accept that I had to move-in with my parents at 36yrs old. All of my perceived health problems have magically disappeared (I even thought that my teeth were ready to fall out with decay). I set up appointments with super great doctors and dentists, who examined me and said that I was *physically* in perfect health and no cavaties (except the weight gain that needs to come-off)... the eureka moment was when they said that all of my physical symptoms of illness were psycological, and were like "nervous twitches" brought on by depression and obsessive-compusiveness due to living with an addict's crazy-making (+detective work, etc).. The multiple doctors said that they see these symptoms all the time, and they are psychological reactions to anxiety issues. And really, after almost 2-weeks of separation I haven't felt this physically good in a while, my perceived physical "ailments" are gone, really gone (I had even started to limp and drag my feet, chronic coughing, blowing/picking my nose, headaches, lethargy, inability to focus, hearing problems, open sores on my back, etc). Amazing how the MIND can affect the BODY, eh? Sooo I'm working on me now, exercising and discovering things I liked to do that I forgot about since I spent so much of my time either worrying about the addict or worrying if my possesions had been pawned behind my back. It's good to feel 'me' again..
Thank you all for your support and kind words, really helped me get thru this... And to all who are still living with a husband/wife or boy/girlfriend or lover/companion, I hope that some of my story can help you, too..
Case in point: My ex-afiance had $800 left to his name the day I moved away. In 10 days, he spent every last penny on drugs, clothes, gambling, and BS. Then he has the nerve to send me a text telling me he's hungry and has no money for food. I told him to go to the social service building located one block away from his residential hotel and apply for food stamps or go to a church and tell it to the minister. I swear, if I had $800 left to my name I would squeeze every last bit of survival from it, save it, cherish it, and be doing anything I could to get a job to squeeze by and save money. So stupid and irrational. But I'm very glad it happened because it has solidified any doubt I had that staying/leaving whould change his behavior. Now that I know he wasted this money, it makes it much easier to discontinue contact and leave him behind to face his consequences. An 8 month prison term last year didn't change anything, my threats and begging didn't change anything, and being left to live at a residential hotel on skid-row with only $800 to his name didn't change anything. Nothing changes if nothing changes. So be it.
AND THE UPDATE ABOUT ME: I finally moved away from my ex-afiance to a different state in the USA. I've been gone 13 days and it's absolutely wonderful, although it was at first difficult to accept that I had to move-in with my parents at 36yrs old. All of my perceived health problems have magically disappeared (I even thought that my teeth were ready to fall out with decay). I set up appointments with super great doctors and dentists, who examined me and said that I was *physically* in perfect health and no cavaties (except the weight gain that needs to come-off)... the eureka moment was when they said that all of my physical symptoms of illness were psycological, and were like "nervous twitches" brought on by depression and obsessive-compusiveness due to living with an addict's crazy-making (+detective work, etc).. The multiple doctors said that they see these symptoms all the time, and they are psychological reactions to anxiety issues. And really, after almost 2-weeks of separation I haven't felt this physically good in a while, my perceived physical "ailments" are gone, really gone (I had even started to limp and drag my feet, chronic coughing, blowing/picking my nose, headaches, lethargy, inability to focus, hearing problems, open sores on my back, etc). Amazing how the MIND can affect the BODY, eh? Sooo I'm working on me now, exercising and discovering things I liked to do that I forgot about since I spent so much of my time either worrying about the addict or worrying if my possesions had been pawned behind my back. It's good to feel 'me' again..
Thank you all for your support and kind words, really helped me get thru this... And to all who are still living with a husband/wife or boy/girlfriend or lover/companion, I hope that some of my story can help you, too..
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
It is so nice to hear that you are moving on and doing well. I have to agree the stress of living with an addict really will do a number on you physically and mentally. Even with my son now in rehab I am not back to myself I have no motivation to do anything, I don't have the get up and go I use too. I put on a few pounds the last few weeks, and it makes me feel horrible just not eating right. I did start going to the meetings first one last week, I know it is time to work on me now. They suck the life out of you. Even when they are in treatment you worry about what it will be like when they come home. It seems like a never ending cycle with addiction. Wishing you the very best. Julie
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 59
Well here's something cool: when the addict realized that I wasn't gonna budge on the food, etc.. he actually did something pro-active: he went and made HIMSELF and appt with a social worker (after waiting for 45 minutes to be seen) for a Monday, 9:30am evaluation for food stamps. He walked into the Lutheran Church and talked to somebody who said that on a daily basis they give a month's food ration to people who need help and a free bus pass with proof of a work/pay stub. And he helped a couple in his residential unit move to the next door building, who then gave him Ramen noodles, canned corn, mac&cheese(5 boxed) and $30 for 3 hours of help. \
Of course, I'm skeptical, but I choose not to induce any anxiety or doubt over it, since it's not my business anymore. But I do believe in God/HP, and isn't it good when I finally "take my hands-off the addict" how he figures out how to eat & survive. I have no qualms about getting a future call that he's desperate and eating out of garbage cans (that sympathy string won't work either). I'm just happy that he figured out how to get-along without assistance from me. He sounds stronger for it too. Hope he's telling the truth, but don't need to know or care if it is or not. Just a good HP story that I wanted to share with y'all. Cheers, SAS..
Of course, I'm skeptical, but I choose not to induce any anxiety or doubt over it, since it's not my business anymore. But I do believe in God/HP, and isn't it good when I finally "take my hands-off the addict" how he figures out how to eat & survive. I have no qualms about getting a future call that he's desperate and eating out of garbage cans (that sympathy string won't work either). I'm just happy that he figured out how to get-along without assistance from me. He sounds stronger for it too. Hope he's telling the truth, but don't need to know or care if it is or not. Just a good HP story that I wanted to share with y'all. Cheers, SAS..
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