So lost
 

My 18 yr old that moved out on his own because he couldn't take moms not liking the coke/ pot. But on actual move out day it was because I would not give him a bottle of vicoden back that I had found on his dresser that was not his.

Anyway, he was sharing an apartment with a freind for about 8 mo. They didn't pay rent, got booted out. Moved in with girlfriend and her dad.

Started calling mostly on weekends, can I come there, or call and say "i just want everything to be over". Every time he had a fight with her. And, I also remember when he calls that he once told me the girlfriends dad had a meth prob.

So, I get my stupid cap on and tell them to move here, but only if he is gonna quit, because I can't have it in my face. There are to be no drugs inside or outside my house.

He tells me then, "mom...Im ready to grow up and get on with my life."

I know I know, stupid on my part for saying girlfriend could come. I just thought maybe if the dad is in a bad way she should come here.

Anyway, the day he moves in, he is stoned. The next day he says "I was stoned yesterday, but I just don't want to do it anymore." Then that night he came home stoned.

We confronted and talked. He said he smoked pot because it was better then popping alot of pills. (he has cronic back pain since age 13, kyphosis, curvature of the spine). So, in my head im thinking maybe he is right, I know some cancer people do this. Maybe I can let it go and just tell myself it is doc. perscribed. Just don't do it in my house or outside of my house, and I will never be able to tell you its ok.

Well, the next night him and girl come home drunk, fighting (hitting each other). I hear her yelling stuff about coke, I hear him yell at her something about tweeker. I told them both that night we are not going here, next time your out if this is how its gonna be.

Anyway, he had some more pills that were not his he thought were vicadone, the other was zanex (spelling). I looked them up on pill id. it was not vicodone but some antidepressent. (which he has a perscription for, but this was not his). I let it go, telling myself, well....what ever happens to him happens to him. Saw him take these 2 different times.

Well, the last few days everything went ok as long as I over looked the red stoned eyes.
Last night we were not even fighting, I just looked at his eyes (stoned) and knew I could not do this. I can not pretend to ignore. I can not, I can not.
Oh how I want to, then I can have my son home still. But, hard as I tried, I can not.
I told them to leave this morning, and they are gone. I feel like I have lost him forever. I feel like he must hurt so much inside knowing his mom said to leave. I feel like I want to die. I was doing good before he came back. I wanted to believe he was done, or at least gonna try.
I think its mostly pot with pills mixed in sometimes, and probably still coke sometimes.
I don't know which would have been easier to live with. Having him hear doing that (even if he didn't do it at home, he came home that way). Or telling him to leave and have him thinking we have abandond him. Right now neither feels like it will work.
If he didn't have a back prob. it would be cut and dry for me. But, he does..and has for a long time. I know he is sick of it. Should I just let him smoke the pot and look the other way? Is that what I should have done?

If I did the right thing, then why do I feel so bad?

Because we hate the addiction, but we still love the kid. I am having similar issues with my 19 year old daughter. She isn't an addict, but she tries to kill herself every other month. I told her I can't deal with this anymore and she has to find another place to go when she is released from the hospital this time. It's tearing me apart because she's really a good kid; she just makes some extremely bad choices.

My heart goes out to you. Be extra gentle with yourself but stick to your guns on this issue.

I went through this same sadness with my son and in the end he used when he was at home and he used when he was not at home. The hardest thing I ever did was to make him leave, but it was also the best thing for him and for me.

There comes a time when we need to give up our front row seat to addiction, it's the worst seat in the house and serves us no purpose.

We can't drag them into sobriety, but they sure can drag us down to their darkness and it's a nasty place to be.

What helped me was to go to meetings and surround myself with support while learning to work 12 steps that would literally save my life.

Your son and mine are both in God's hands and we just have to have faith and hope that one day they will find a better path.

Hugs

First a big ((((hug)))) I know how painful this is, we love our babies so much. You did the right thing, he has to want to quit and he has to hit a bottom before he wants it. Don't look at his pain, there are many pain management classes out there that would teach him to deal with the pain. Was he using drugs when he was 13 to deal with it? He is using his back to make you feel bad, don't let him!! There are many older people that deal with pain everyday, not by using drugs. We have to let them go in order to get them back. Try to find a meeting and go, it is a big help to have others to talk to who are going through the same thing. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Julie

I've been dealing with chronic pain for years. I have degenerative disc disease. I see a pain management specialist, and have managed my pain without the use of mind-altering chemicals, including pain pills. Am I pain-free? No, but it is tolerable and I accept the limitations that I have on things I should not do.

Please find yourself a support group such as Alanon to help you start healing, and learn to be strong when it comes to saying no.

:ghug :ghug

It is the hardest thing in the world watching our children self-destruct. I changed the locks on my doors 4 times before I told my 22 yr old AS...no more, you are not coming back. Even after throwing him out, I was still involved in his life and continued to watch him killing himself. After having several nervous breakdowns, I finally told him that he was toxic to me and although I love him with all my heart and would be there for him if he wanted to get help, he was not to call me until that time. So what does he do? He sends me text messages. "Love you and miss you. sorry for everything". I keep getting appologies, but not any mention of getting help. He does not have the desire or strength to get clean. I like to think of it as "crabs in a basket". As long as I am around him, he keeps trying to pull me down inside the basket with him. Over the course of the past 4 years, I have learned not to listen to what he says, but watch what he does. And after I saw that I was putting more effort into getting him clean than he was...I finally threw my hands up and said no more. I can't fix someone who does not want help.

Just know that you did the right thing. Try not to feel guilty about it.

Good luck and hang tough.

P.S. My son also claims that he has back pain. I also have back pain and found that yoga helps tremendously. They are looking for excuses to use. Don't "let" him smoke pot or take any other drugs. Take him to a physical therapist or pain management doctor. If he really wanted to get clean, he would go.

Sofardown, you did the right thing by telling them to leave. It sounds to me like they are both using. Not only pot and pills, but coke, and tweeking is methamphetamine. I don't know much about it, but I do know it's really bad for you. I think it makes you feel real powerful when your on it. I'm not sure so don't quote me. It all sounds pretty serious to me. I know how you feel because my son had to be told he cannot come back to my house after his drug abuse. He is clean now, but it was 3 years of total chaos, and heartbreak. I sure hope your son figures out that his drugs are going to ruin every good thing in his life. Your a good mom, but being tough is the best thing you can do for him right now. Tough Love is the answer. Go to Naranon. They will help you cope, and give you some tools for coping. :ghug3

Bottle in Bathroom
 

Ok. This morning I found a bottle of
(Lidocaine HCI 1% and Epinephrine 1:100,000 Injection, USP) in the bathroom cabinet they were using. Can anyone tell me what this is for? Is this something a person would have on them for any reason?

Im thinking NO, but...is there a reason why someone would need this and use this as personal use without a doctor injecting it and supervising it?

anyone? Thoughts?

Sorry, sofar...I don't have a clue. Just wanted to give you ((((HUGS)))) and a little moral support.

Epinephrine is often injected directly into the heart when trying to resuscitate someone having a heart attack. It's also used to reverse anaphylactic shock (allergic to a bee sting or something similar). Lidocaine is a local anesthetic; they would use something like that to deaden the area before suturing a wound shut.

It was one bottle with both of these ingredents. All I know is it was left on purpose for me to find. Everything else out of the cabinet they brought was gone but this.

Why would they want me to find this? Him or her, I don't know which one did it. But, it was definately left on purpose.

If you are allergic to bees wouldn't you just have an epipen? Not a bottle of this? To be injected yourself?

I can't quit wondering why this was left for me to find. I emailed and text him telling him I found it. He has given me no response.

It was obviously stolen from somewhere. Why they left it in sight, I have no idea.

There is NO valid reason for either of them to have it.

sofardown: God bless you, you did the right thing for your son. I too had to ask my son to leave and after time had to ask him to stay away from me because it was just too hard to take a front row seat to his addiction.

People who are recovering from addiction will tell you how you did the right thing. I know their input is such a blessing for me.

I have to address your phrase about if your son did not have back pain then this decision for you would be cut and dried. May i suggest that is your guilt talking to you. My son does not have any medical reason to self-medicate, yet I feel the very same ambivalent feelings you do. And may i suggest that if your son did not have back pain your mom-brain would come up with some other reason for him possibly using (i failed somehow in raising him, I should have read to him more, I should have disciplined him more, I should have disciplined him less, I should have prayed for him more, i should have handled that one situation differently, i should have handled that other situation differently, he's just one of those people who takes a long time to grow up, i somehow failed in showing him that adulthood was something to look forward to, i should have put him in religious school....).

Trust me, stick to your guns on this one. It does get easier...

I got this off drugs.com site: How in the hell do people get this stuff on the street. It had to be stolen out of the doctor's office. This is definitely only to be used by a doctor - most likely a pain clinic physician who does epidural nerve blocks for pain.

Indications and Usage for Lidocaine and Epinephrine Injection

Lidocaine Hydrochloride and Epinephrine Injection, USP is indicated for production of local or regional anesthesia by infiltration techniques such as percutaneous injection, by peripheral nerve block techniques such as brachial plexus and intercostal and by central neural techniques such as lumbar and caudal epidural blocks, when the accepted procedures for these techniques as described in standard textbooks are observed.
Contraindications

Lidocaine is contraindicated in patients with a known history of hypersensitivity to local anesthetics of the amide type.
Warnings

LIDOCAINE HYDROCHLORIDE AND EPINEPHRINE INJECTION, USP FOR INFILTRATION AND NERVE BLOCK SHOULD BE EMPLOYED ONLY BY CLINICIANS WHO ARE WELL VERSED IN DIAGNOSIS AND MANAGEMENT OF DOSE-RELATED TOXICITY AND OTHER ACUTE EMERGENCIES THAT MIGHT ARISE FROM THE BLOCK TO BE EMPLOYED AND THEN ONLY AFTER ENSURING THE IMMEDIATE AVAILABILITY OF OXYGEN, OTHER RESUSCITATIVE DRUGS, CARDIOPULMONARY EQUIPMENT, AND THE PERSONNEL NEEDED FOR PROPER MANAGEMENT OF TOXIC REACTIONS AND RELATED EMERGENCIES (See also ADVERSE REACTIONS and PRECAUTIONS). DELAY IN PROPER MANAGEMENT OF DOSE-RELATED TOXICITY, UNDERVENTILATION FROM ANY CAUSE AND/OR ALTERED SENSITIVITY MAY LEAD TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF ACIDOSIS, CARDIAC ARREST AND, POSSIBLY, DEATH.

My pain management doctor uses it to deaden my tailbone area when I get steroid injections for my sciatica.

It was also used to do a brachial block (up in the armpit area to deaden the entire arm) in both of my arms when I had surgery to move the ulnar nerves that were compressed.

You have to seperate the medical condition from the addiction. My son has medical issues and what i've found is that most of the drugs he uses makes his medical condition worse not better even though it is one of his excuses. i can only imagine how cocaine can intensify back pain - especially the next day. If the real problem was the back pain he would be asking to go to a pain management specialist and not self-medicating. Without proper medical care his back pain will get worse no matter how much he uses because its going to take more and more to take the pain away.

You really have to learn to seperate the two. its very hard - i know that when i let my son fall that there is a chance that the reprucsions medically could be fatal but i also know that if i dont let him fall that it will def be fatal for him eventually. so i make a choice - do i take the risk now and let him learn while he is young or do i let him continue knowing that he will certainly die? I've chosen to take the risk now because in the long run its the only chance he has.