boyfriend nodding off
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Join Date: May 2009
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boyfriend nodding off
Hello everyone. I've been lurking for the past fews months. Thank you all for the advice! Today I finally decided to show my face and ask a question.
My boyfriend of 3 months is a recovering heroin addict. He went to rehab a year ago and ended up relapsing in December when he had a bad accident and injured his shoulder. The doctor gave him Vicodin, and he started to get a habit and then got rid of them. He's very addicted to Klonipin, which is given to him by his doctor and he's been on it for over 10 years. I think he takes around 3-5 mgs a day. He also takes seroquel to help him sleep. So he's definetly not sober.
Anyway, my question is this- Can any drug/combination of drugs make you nod off like heroin does? There have been two occasions since March where he has nodded off and seemed like he's using. On those days he has smoked pot with a friend. He swears up and down that he didn't use and that he'd have too much of a guilty conscience if he did and he'd tell me. He told me that when he relapsed in December he felt so stupid and regretful that he couldn't do it again. I know he's taken suboxone recreationally twice (why?), because he's told me about it. I told him I wouldn't be mad or dissapointed if he slipped up and I'd stick by him unless he gave me a reason not to. I can only ask him so many times, I don't want every conversation to be me asking him to tell me he's using. That wouldn't be good for either of us. He's a great guy and hasn't done anything to harm me. He's a talented artist and we enjoy the outdoors together. He told me he hasn't been this happy in a long time. There are reasons I stick around. I entered this relationship knowing he had drug problems, so I was a little bit prepared and I try to maintain my independence. I just want to be able to believe that he's not using, but from what I've read from everyone else, it seems next to impossible. Any thoughts? Thank you for your time.
My boyfriend of 3 months is a recovering heroin addict. He went to rehab a year ago and ended up relapsing in December when he had a bad accident and injured his shoulder. The doctor gave him Vicodin, and he started to get a habit and then got rid of them. He's very addicted to Klonipin, which is given to him by his doctor and he's been on it for over 10 years. I think he takes around 3-5 mgs a day. He also takes seroquel to help him sleep. So he's definetly not sober.
Anyway, my question is this- Can any drug/combination of drugs make you nod off like heroin does? There have been two occasions since March where he has nodded off and seemed like he's using. On those days he has smoked pot with a friend. He swears up and down that he didn't use and that he'd have too much of a guilty conscience if he did and he'd tell me. He told me that when he relapsed in December he felt so stupid and regretful that he couldn't do it again. I know he's taken suboxone recreationally twice (why?), because he's told me about it. I told him I wouldn't be mad or dissapointed if he slipped up and I'd stick by him unless he gave me a reason not to. I can only ask him so many times, I don't want every conversation to be me asking him to tell me he's using. That wouldn't be good for either of us. He's a great guy and hasn't done anything to harm me. He's a talented artist and we enjoy the outdoors together. He told me he hasn't been this happy in a long time. There are reasons I stick around. I entered this relationship knowing he had drug problems, so I was a little bit prepared and I try to maintain my independence. I just want to be able to believe that he's not using, but from what I've read from everyone else, it seems next to impossible. Any thoughts? Thank you for your time.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
The first thing that comes to mind......Welcome......If your here looking for confirmation you will find that you already know the answer to your question......As sad as that may seem......Addicts fail to realize that the person closest to them is the first person to realize they have gone back out.....If you are asking then deep down you know it to be true.....At least that has been my experience....Sorry to hear that you are now a member......Keep posting....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Spiral, I'm sorry. I know how heartbreaking it is when someone we love is still using. Heroin is such a strong drug. It is subject to relapse, and resistant to treatment. In other words, if you think he's using, then he probably is. Get a $25 drug test from the pharmacy, and let him pee in the cup. Don't tell him your going to do it, just surprise him with the test. You will have the truth after that. I'm sure there are alot of good things about this young man, but the truth is that he is a heroin addict. You might need to rethink your relationship with him. Your in for a horrible ride if you think he's going to stop using. You can't keep him clean, only he can do that. And heroin is a very strong holding substance to the user. It takes alot of hard work and a very long time to stop craving the heroin. My older brother was clean for 9 years, relapsed and died from heroin. Do yourself a favor. Find a clean guy to love. Your in for a lot of pain if you don't.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Nodding off can also be a side effect of Seroquel. Is he abusing that medication? When my daughter was in rehab and I went to the Family Days there, you could tell the patients that were on Seroquel because they would nod off in the meetings. It looked almost the same as a heroin nod. My daughter also uses Seroquel to sleep. When she came home from rehab, she would take her Seroquel and try to smoke a cigarette before she went to sleep. She would become really thick tongued and had trouble keeping her eyes open. Addicts will use Suboxone to prevent withdrawal symptoms when they can't get their drug of choice so your boyfriend may be doing that. The problem with trying to figure out if he is using or not is that it keeps you always on edge. It is hard to focus on yourself when you are always focusing on him. The best thing that you can do is to continue to be independent from him, protect yourself in case he relapses and to trust your gut when in doubt. Attending some Ala-non or Nar-anon meetings is a good way to keep the focus on you. Hugs and welcome, Marle
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by spiralswirl 
Hello everyone. I've been lurking for the past fews months. Thank you all for the advice! Today I finally decided to show my face and ask a question.
I told him I wouldn't be mad or dissapointed if he slipped up and I'd stick by him unless he gave me a reason not to.
I told him I wouldn't be mad or dissapointed if he slipped up and I'd stick by him unless he gave me a reason not to.
You wrote that you've been lurking here, so you must have read something about the subject of codependency/addicition.
Just wondering why you think offering support of any kind to an active addict helps the addict?
Your username might be appropriate if you stick with an addict not in recovery, your life will start spiraling down the toilet with his.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Welcome! You stated that there are reason that you stick around with this fellow. That leads me to believe there isn't much I can say that will make a difference in your situation.
I know, for me, my bar of standards is pretty high when it comes to a companion, and I won't ever settle for an addict again.
I know, for me, my bar of standards is pretty high when it comes to a companion, and I won't ever settle for an addict again.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
In answer to your question...well, heck, I nodded off on the couch last night, and I have never done drugs!
Nodding off, may be a symptom, but of what?
Generally, if ou have an inkling, that's warning you to be aware.
Time will tell, sweetie, time will tell.
You hang in there, and keep up with your independence.
Hugs and hugs....
In answer to your question...well, heck, I nodded off on the couch last night, and I have never done drugs!
Nodding off, may be a symptom, but of what?
Generally, if ou have an inkling, that's warning you to be aware.
Time will tell, sweetie, time will tell.
You hang in there, and keep up with your independence.
Hugs and hugs....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Don't lose our address, spiral. You'll be needing it.
Until things become clearer for you, just a reminder to use good birth control. You may consider him adequate boyfriend material, but he is terrible father material for now and for quite a long time to come and perhaps forever. The pain you will be experiencing from relationship with an addict (he is not sober, as you said) is your choice. Just please don't force it on a child, too.
3 months: already you have a whiff of the life.
Do take care. Post whenever it feels too crazy for you.
Until things become clearer for you, just a reminder to use good birth control. You may consider him adequate boyfriend material, but he is terrible father material for now and for quite a long time to come and perhaps forever. The pain you will be experiencing from relationship with an addict (he is not sober, as you said) is your choice. Just please don't force it on a child, too.
3 months: already you have a whiff of the life.
Do take care. Post whenever it feels too crazy for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi and welcome to the site.
Lots of drug combinations can make an addict nod off. Booze, cocaine for days on end, pills, heroin, valium, etc etc etc... the list goes on and on... Smoking pot is a poor excuse for that kind of behavior. And that's all it is - an excuse. Even if it is just pot, obviously he doesn't function on it very well.
It's not about what drugs an addict uses but the fact that a person is an addict and actively using, with no desire to stop and without regard to the consequences. Nodding off is not normal behavior.
You are in a relationship triangle consisting of you, your boyfriend and his drugs. Don't sell yourself short. Find a guy who is an artist, likes the outdoors, is fun to be around and doesn't have a drug problem. They are out there. And you deserve someones full attention. Someone who can't function in the real world without being on drugs is not really a very good choice for a boyfriend.
Lots of drug combinations can make an addict nod off. Booze, cocaine for days on end, pills, heroin, valium, etc etc etc... the list goes on and on... Smoking pot is a poor excuse for that kind of behavior. And that's all it is - an excuse. Even if it is just pot, obviously he doesn't function on it very well.
It's not about what drugs an addict uses but the fact that a person is an addict and actively using, with no desire to stop and without regard to the consequences. Nodding off is not normal behavior.
You are in a relationship triangle consisting of you, your boyfriend and his drugs. Don't sell yourself short. Find a guy who is an artist, likes the outdoors, is fun to be around and doesn't have a drug problem. They are out there. And you deserve someones full attention. Someone who can't function in the real world without being on drugs is not really a very good choice for a boyfriend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 5
Thank you all for the responses. I just spoke to an old friend who is a current heroin addict and he said that nothing he has ever done makes him nod off like heroin. So, yeah it's safe to say my bf is still using. This lying thing really sucks, huh?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 83
Something to consider - you were not one hundred percent sure that he was using heroin when he was nodding off but he admitted to smoking pot the same day - a heroin addict has no business smoking pot whatsoever, and the fact that he is, means that for better or for worse, HE IS USING DRUGS! Whether that includes heroin or just pot is really irrelevant.
I should also warn you about defenses like "I would feel too guilty to lie to you...." That is textbook addict/alcoholic manipulation, he is trying to kill two birds with one stone - he is trying to convince you that he is not using, and he is also trying to convince you that he is a good guy who is incapable of lying because it goes against his values. The truth of the matter is that addicts lie all the time and feel little guilt about doing so, at least as long as they are still using, the truth of the matter is that the one and only priority for the addict is protecting his ability to use no matter what and if you are asking questions that threaten that ability then in all likelihood there is no depth that he would be unwilling to stoop to in order to get you off his back.
I hope you hang around and learn from the people on this website - they will give you a lot of valuable and hard learned advice on setting boundaries to keep you from being dragged into the addicts insanity.
I should also warn you about defenses like "I would feel too guilty to lie to you...." That is textbook addict/alcoholic manipulation, he is trying to kill two birds with one stone - he is trying to convince you that he is not using, and he is also trying to convince you that he is a good guy who is incapable of lying because it goes against his values. The truth of the matter is that addicts lie all the time and feel little guilt about doing so, at least as long as they are still using, the truth of the matter is that the one and only priority for the addict is protecting his ability to use no matter what and if you are asking questions that threaten that ability then in all likelihood there is no depth that he would be unwilling to stoop to in order to get you off his back.
I hope you hang around and learn from the people on this website - they will give you a lot of valuable and hard learned advice on setting boundaries to keep you from being dragged into the addicts insanity.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: AZ
Posts: 30
Hey,
Everyone deserves to be loved, but if I were you and things are going good in your life, run for the hills. I say this because I know. I myself entered a relationship like this about two years ago and was on an emotional rollercoaster the whole time. And have been much happier since I've been on my own. (and even though I'm having his child on my own) I hate to sound selfish, I just give a sincere warning that what he has going on may be more than you can handle. I thought I was strong and could help him, but its not that easy. I was an enabler the whole time even though I was very anti-drug because I stayed with him. In some cases you hurt them more by staying. That may not make sense now, but it probably will later. Hope this helps. He doesnt need you, he needs a professional counselor/rehab, etc.
Everyone deserves to be loved, but if I were you and things are going good in your life, run for the hills. I say this because I know. I myself entered a relationship like this about two years ago and was on an emotional rollercoaster the whole time. And have been much happier since I've been on my own. (and even though I'm having his child on my own) I hate to sound selfish, I just give a sincere warning that what he has going on may be more than you can handle. I thought I was strong and could help him, but its not that easy. I was an enabler the whole time even though I was very anti-drug because I stayed with him. In some cases you hurt them more by staying. That may not make sense now, but it probably will later. Hope this helps. He doesnt need you, he needs a professional counselor/rehab, etc.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
This lying thing really sucks, huh?
Now we are no longer together but I have his baby and we are still in contact - limited by me. He says he is not using drugs but I can't believe a word out of his mouth anymore. The trust is gone forever.
Addicts are sick people. It's not just about the drugs. Unless an addict gets help (RECOVERY) for the underlying problems that drove them to use drugs in the first place, they will still be sick and still exhibit the same unacceptable behaviors, like lying. Addiction is a mental illness, compounded with a physical problem.
I had to accept that I could not fix his problems by accepting them in my life. Instead I had to focus on what was important to me and draw boundaries about the kind of behavior and treatment I was willing to accept in my life. I also had to learn how to enforce those boundaries and follow through on the logical consequences if someone disrepected me by lying. For my sake and the sake of our son.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty
Addicts are sick people. It's not just about the drugs. Unless an addict gets help (RECOVERY) for the underlying problems that drove them to use drugs in the first place, they will still be sick and still exhibit the same unacceptable behaviors, like lying. Addiction is a mental illness, compounded with a physical problem.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
It seems to me that even if he isn't using heroin...........as you said yourself, he is definitley NOT clean. And it doesn't sound like he's working any sort of a program. All signs that he is not ready to be off drugs. Only you can decide what kind of person you want to share your life with. These seem like very big issues for such a young relationship. Consider finding an alanon or naranon meeting that you can go to regularly. They will truly become your lifeline to sanity.............they certainly have been for me. Good luck to you!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Run! You're not that invested and this is a lifetime of ups and downs that you really don't need. Go while you can. Go before he starts stealing from you. Go before you have his children. Go before he wrecks your car or empties your bank account. Go before something happens to you. You are guilty by association. Addicts lie. Addicts are smart. Addicts are cons and addicts can spot an enabler or co-dependant from 5 miles away. They are usually predetors. Run.
If you have been around for a few months, you know that they will never seek to get better unless they have hit rock bottom. I know this too because I've padded my husband's fall several times and being the Codie that I am, determined what his rock bottom was instead of letting him hit his own. I havent' done him any favors.
Run sweetie! Run!
If you have been around for a few months, you know that they will never seek to get better unless they have hit rock bottom. I know this too because I've padded my husband's fall several times and being the Codie that I am, determined what his rock bottom was instead of letting him hit his own. I havent' done him any favors.
Run sweetie! Run!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 5
Just to let all of you know...
I took your advice to heart, Along with the advice of everyone in my life. I broke up with the addict. I feel bad about it, but he just started getting weirder and weirder. I ended up finding a message he posted to some girl on myspace about how he wanted to marry her. It was the final straw. I went to his house and we discussed it and he said we'd fix everything and I fell for it again. I finally came to my senses after not hearing from him for two days and went to his house last night and handed him a goodbye note and said I was done. So thank you all for telling me to "run for the hills" and "stay away". Everyone says I deserve better and I'm starting to believe it. I'm glad I left before I got sucked in even deeper. I appreciate all of your advice.
I took your advice to heart, Along with the advice of everyone in my life. I broke up with the addict. I feel bad about it, but he just started getting weirder and weirder. I ended up finding a message he posted to some girl on myspace about how he wanted to marry her. It was the final straw. I went to his house and we discussed it and he said we'd fix everything and I fell for it again. I finally came to my senses after not hearing from him for two days and went to his house last night and handed him a goodbye note and said I was done. So thank you all for telling me to "run for the hills" and "stay away". Everyone says I deserve better and I'm starting to believe it. I'm glad I left before I got sucked in even deeper. I appreciate all of your advice.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I'm glad to hear that you got out of that relationship. Even if he isn't using his DOC (drug of choice) doesn't mean he's clean and in Recovery, sounds like he's developing some new DOC's.
You ran off a list of "medications" he's taking "for sleep" The amt of Klonopin he's taking he shouldn't need Seroquel for sleep, especially if he's nodding. Someone who's smoking pot, taking Klonopin like that and Seroquel is still seeking a high. How can I say this? I'm a recovering addict who danced around the true issue for many, many years, 25 to be exact.
Please chalk this up to a lesson learned. . . don't ever settle. At the same time, if you would meet an addict/alcoholic who is in true Recovery and working a Program, please don't let their disease keep you from getting to know this person. Those of us who are in true Recovery are the greatest, most specialist, loveablist, caring people you will ever meet!:ghug2
And just because you are no longer involved with him doesn't mean you have to stop posting here. You're always welcome!
God Bless,
Judy
You ran off a list of "medications" he's taking "for sleep" The amt of Klonopin he's taking he shouldn't need Seroquel for sleep, especially if he's nodding. Someone who's smoking pot, taking Klonopin like that and Seroquel is still seeking a high. How can I say this? I'm a recovering addict who danced around the true issue for many, many years, 25 to be exact.
Please chalk this up to a lesson learned. . . don't ever settle. At the same time, if you would meet an addict/alcoholic who is in true Recovery and working a Program, please don't let their disease keep you from getting to know this person. Those of us who are in true Recovery are the greatest, most specialist, loveablist, caring people you will ever meet!:ghug2
And just because you are no longer involved with him doesn't mean you have to stop posting here. You're always welcome!
God Bless,
Judy
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