starrynite

I've set another deadline - quietly to myself. What it's about isn't important. It's something I know I need to do. Something I've held off on because I've tried to give him time to get on his feet again. I suppose that's another way that I'm still enabling even after all this time.

I've struggled with whether or not to tell him but as a friend reminded me - he already knows what his responsibilities are. It isn't up to me to remind him again. It's my job to make things right in this particular situation - even though it's a tough one. I'm struggling with the consequences for him, and I'm preparing myself for the fall out that will occur.

Sigh. Just wanted to put this out there in an effort to hold myself accountable...the clock is ticking.

Callie

good for you, deadlines are a very useful tool if they are followed through.

UNHAPPY777

Good! Baby steps always lead to BIG steps!!!

wuzzled

I have struggled with the deadline thing. How long should it take before I see this change, or that change in my AH? I find myself thinking he should be this far on his step work, or he should be feeling better by now, have more energy, be happier, etc. I don't think there is a clear and certain timetable for this. As cynical one said "recovery is a journey, not a destination". I sometimes compare it with infants and toddlers, they each reach milestones at their own pace, based on their ability. Some get the potty chair concept much sooner than others, yet they continue learning and growing until they get there.

I am not sure that giving him time to get on his feet is necessarily enabling, as long as you are not doing things for him. I keep reminding myself, progress, not perfection. This goes for my recovery as well as his, regardless of how slow or fast that progress may be.

For now, I am sticking with my husband, giving him time. As long as I see progress, even in small ways, and as long as he remains clean, and is staying on his journey, I am not the one to judge how fast his journey should be.