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Three years ago....

Old 05-05-2009, 07:51 AM
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cmc
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Three years ago....

Today is a special day for me. It was three years ago that my son was arrested for the last time. Awaking in the early morning hours to another call from the authorities was not a pleasant experience; but I welcomed it because first of all I knew he was still alive, and secondly I knew this was a perfect opportunity for him to hit bottom.

I want to share my joy with you and offer a bit of hope to those who love someone still lost in their addiction. I've learned that there's hope and happiness to be found for me today, regardless of what others around me are doing. I learned that bit of truth during those hard times and I continue to benefit from it each and every day.

What I didn't know on May 4 was alot. I didn't know where he was or what he was doing and most of all I didn't know that my life of living with a loved one lost in active addiction was about to radically change.

I didn't know of the rough road he would be required to walk in order to face his consequences and I really didn't know the extent or impact those consequences would have in driving him into a new life.

I'm so glad we stepped back and allowed our son to fall hard; he got back up on his own steam and did what it takes to start a new life. He continues to use what he learned by experience. He learned it the hard way from many years of being 'in and out' of: many types of short-lived employment, NA and AA, our home, various others' homes, relapses of varying length and frequency, halfway houses and jail.

I am so grateful for that last day he used and for the first day of a totally new way of living for him and our family. The good things in his life continue to happen and the pieces of his life are still coming together. He's worked steadily at the same place for two years, been happily married for a year and this weekend we will celebrate my daughter-in-laws college graduation.

The life I live today and level of sanity and serenity are worth every ounce of effort, every emotion and every tough moment of breaking through the denial and negativity that have accumulated in me over time.

What other sorrows or struggles I face today are easier to face because of what I've learned in recovery. Those tools and my HP help me no matter what the problem or circumstance. Of course are still parts of 'me' and layers beneath the surface to uncover and unfold into new understanding & growth. I certainly don't see my recovery as ever reaching the point where I say: "Stick a fork in me, I'm done." It keeps going.

Thanks again to the many wonderful people here on SR and especiallyto those in FFSA. You were here for me when I desperately needed help.

I continue to benefit from your collective ESH, wisdom and loving support.

:ghug


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Old 05-05-2009, 01:09 PM
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CMC,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. As Parents of young addicts, you well know how scary this is for us. You speak of Sanity and Serenity, and it is nice to know they exist. I'm happy for you that you have made it thru and so has your son.
My 19 year old is 5 weeks clean. Doing it on his own and so far so good. As with all addicts, we all go thru different paths to hopefully acheive our goals.
My son hit rock bottom 7 weeks ago. I do not know who it was harder for, we, his parents, or he, himself. All i know is my son is back, the demon is gone, and i treasure every day he is clean. I realize we are not out of the woods yet. He claims he is done, but without professional support i really have my doubts. But he is quite a remarkable and strong young man, so i will continue to have faith in him.
Thanks again, as we need to hear success stories more often.
Susan
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Old 05-05-2009, 01:16 PM
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Originally Posted by cmc View Post
What other sorrows or struggles I face today are easier to face because of what I've learned in recovery. Those tools and my HP help me no matter what the problem or circumstance. Of course are still parts of 'me' and layers beneath the surface to uncover and unfold into new understanding & growth. I certainly don't see my recovery as ever reaching the point where I say: "Stick a fork in me, I'm done." It keeps going.
May the journey get even better as the years pass!

Thanks for sharing the message of recovery through your experience, cmc
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:06 PM
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cmc, Thank you for the share. My daughter has almost a year and I absolutely know that she had to experience a whole lot of h*ll to get there. And I had to step out of the way and let her while finding the strength to take care of me. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-05-2009, 05:58 PM
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That is so beautiful, CMC, it just brings a tear to my eye. How wonderful his life has become today, and how terrific for you and Mr. CMC to see the miracle of recovery in action.

We never know what tomorrow may bring, we never know who may turn that corner and find a better path. It's a message of hope that you bring here, CMC, and this codie mom is inspired and grateful.

Give that boy of yours a big hug from a Codie called Ann in Canada...and it's okay if he rolls his eyes.
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Old 05-05-2009, 06:14 PM
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CMC, Wow what a wonderful, inspiring story of recovery both your's and your sons. Hoping that the journey just gets better & better.
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Old 05-05-2009, 07:40 PM
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dslalonde- I'm always happy to share because if my experience can help another it takes away some of my own pain and replaces it with hopes that all I experienced was not in vain.

Astro.... I've learned alot about 'both sides' of things from your ESH. Your recovery gives me alot of hope for my son and myself as well.
Thanks so much for your friendship and support.

marle- We've both been around the same block heh? I'm so glad your daughter has come so far as to celebrate a year. Your recovery has always been an inspiration for me and many others as well.

Ann....(Queenie) You were here way back when I first arrived, and even before I found SR, sharing your ESH and your wonderful recovery with all of us. Thanks for all you do here to make all this happen for people like myself.

I'll be sure to tell my son that the extra hug is from you. He won't roll his eyes, either. He has a healthy respect for codies...and I can joke with him if I need an extra hug due to a codie 'slip' lol. He's a confident man and can take a bit of teasing without becoming a grump!! lol

Serenity...Thank you so much for your kind words and good wishes.
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:12 PM
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CMC. Wow, what an inspiration. I'm so sorry that you had to endure all the suffering to get to this good place that your son is now at. It's sad that they have to learn the hard way. I'm going through some stuff with my son too. It's heartbreaking. He is in recovery, and 100% clean now, and I am thankful for that. I know it could change, so I just live in the day, and the joy of knowing my son is alright for today. What was your sons drug of choice? I hope you don't mind me asking? I am just trying to see if this is anything like my own situation with my son. Thanks for sharing this post with us. It gives me hope.
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:32 PM
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Although I have never had to go through any of this with my son, he's I guess considered a normie, I can feel the pain of every parent on here when I read what they are going through with their children, because I was one of those children. I put my Mom, Dad and the rest of my family through hell while I was going through my own while in active addiction. To every parent out there who never gave up hope of their child finding their way in Recovery, thank you. Thank you for the tough love, for not enabling us any longer, for letting us sit in jail to feel the consequences of our choices, for not handing out money any longer, for not letting us play with your emotions anymore . . . . but most of all, for still loving us. No matter where we were.

Judy
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Old 05-05-2009, 08:44 PM
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Thank you for the post CMC. Everyone's post gives me hope that one day I will also be able to be as strong as all of you are.

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Old 05-06-2009, 05:15 AM
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CMC,
How wonderful it is to hear a story with a happy ending. I am so happy for your family! Thank you for sharing your story, it really give us all hope. Julie
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Old 05-06-2009, 05:40 AM
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CMC,
What a feeling it must be....like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. To have the joy restored in your heart has to be the best feeling in the world.

I am currently where you were, when you did not know where your son was or what he was doing. My 22 yr old AS has alreay been to jail 3 times with a current outstanding warrant. Never been able to hold a job, lost all his possessions, is in hugh debt, had my vehicles impounded, dropped out of collage, bouncing from place to place. He was also kicked out of two rehab centers and a 1/2 way house. What could possibly be his bottom? I have been waiting for 4 years.
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Old 05-06-2009, 07:04 AM
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Angelic...His doc changed over the years and for me. I don't mind you asking but it doesn't matter because the results were the same. I'm so happy for you that your son is clean and working on his recovery.


Judy....Thanks for telling it like it is! My son and I remained close during all those years and had only a few cross words between us during all that time. For that I'm thankful. At first, it was hard to let go but before long there was no other sane or loving option than to detach with love.

Gotahavefaith....Thanks for the thumbs up and please remember that it took alot of trial and error on my part to finally say 'enough' and let him go. Sometimes I was the chief enabler and sometimes it was his dad; we compromised alot about things like that. The last few times I remember giving money or bailing him out of a situation taught me that it wasn't working. It wasn't working for me being the primary thing and that I was supporting his disease came in second.

MyJoey...For now it is a very happy ending. I'm very aware that things could change but the more time passes by I'm more hopeful. Thanks for responding to my thread!

helpformyson....Yes the weight is lifted but I have to say that I didn't lose my joy although I did lose alot of sleep! Al-Anon was the place I found the most help and I also used to regularly attend open NA and AA meetings for support. One point that I make is that "I didn't know" what or when or if...and even though his bottom did happen....I had to to learn to take care of myself regardless of that. There are no guarantees and I need to know that just as much as anyone else here. My son was using for over 10 years.
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Old 05-06-2009, 08:37 AM
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Quick question, what does FFSA stand for?
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Old 05-06-2009, 09:30 AM
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It's the abbreviated name of this forum.
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Old 05-06-2009, 10:24 PM
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I have not written in a long while. My daughter who just urned 19, has now been clen for 4 months. It has been quite a journey with lots of ups and downs. She currently lives in a halfway house and seems to be doing well. We are currently dealing with trying to get her mental illness under conrol. I have had limited visitation with her since her therapist and mine have decided we are just too enmeshd. At this point she seems to be doing beter than me. My dreams for her future are gone, I miss her terribly, and in so many ways she is just not the same child I raised. Sadness seems to overcome me, even though she is doing well. The thought of it makes so little sense to me. I know this has changed my life forever and I doubt I will ever become the same happy go lucky person I was. Even in the back of my mind I cringe to think she could go the same route as my brother, who died from his addiction.
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Old 05-06-2009, 11:16 PM
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WOW Kathy, you sound like me with my son. He is in treatment, but not a halfway house. I'm sorry about your daughter, and what she has put you through. At least she decided to get clean. However, I went through the same things as you with my son, and it changed me too. It's just not an easy thing to deal with. Sorry cmc, I didn't mean to hijack your thread.
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Old 05-07-2009, 08:05 PM
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(((((CMC)))))) Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I'm so glad your son found his way and his life keeps getting better and better. And your growth in recovery is just inspiring. Many hugs and lots of prayers for you and your family.
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