Maggiemac

Hello my friends I told you that I belong to grief sites online. Well the other day I signed in and went to the gereral grief room. The room for angels of addiction was closed. Everyone greeted me and to host told me welcome and that his wife died. I said I was sorry. Then he ask me who was I greveing for and I said my son. He ask if he was ill. I said no that he died of a overdose of drugs. He quickly replied you are in the wrong room. Any never talked to me after that. What is this all about if someone who dies of a car accident or a heart attack is just as dead as someone who died of a overdose.
I was so hurt that I wrote about this in the forum of Addicted Angels I got plenty of answers he must have made a mistake or maybe I didn't understand him I understood he thought that anyone dieing of a drug overdose was not as good as someone who didn't. You all know my son was loved and I think about him everyday that is why I joined the grief site in the first place. Now I see people think different even in death like my grief is some how no right because of the way my son died. Just needed some one to rant too what do you all think about it?
your friend
Maggiemac

Angelic17

Maggie, I think it's awful. Drug addiction is as much of a disease as cancer, or diabetes. And the way someone exits this life, really doesn't matter. My priest told me that a long time ago. He said, it doesn't matter how you exit. I never forgot those words. So, I am thinking that the way that person acted,when you went on that site, was based on his own ignorance involving the stigma of drug addiction. I wouldn't let one person run me out of that site. What he did was wrong, and that was about him, not about you. Or about how Jason died. Maybe he was in the wrong place. He should have been on a site for ignorant people, that have no compassion. Don't give up. Hang in there. I am glad that your looking for support for your grief. Don't let one negative person discourage you. You keep moving forward, and get the support you need and deserve. Keep coming back here, we all love you Maggie. I know I do.

Impurrfect

((Maggie))

I'm so sorry, hon. Some people, as Angelic said, are just ignorant. I would be angry, too.

I'm glad you are reaching out for grief support, and I hope that people like this guy are very few and far between.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

JustAYak

Maggie

I'm sorry to hear this, but I know that's always been a reason keeping me from telling anyone how/why my dad died. People judge too much :\

Seren

OH, honey, I'm so sorry to hear it.

Here's a whack from me to that man, too!

Grief is grief regardless of how someone died. You are entitled to grieve in your own way and in your own time.

hugs and prayers, HG

ItsmeAlice

I am so sorry you are hurting over this. Looking for support when grieving a loss is kind of like walking around with a broken arm with no cast on. You are fragile and easily hurt if jossled the slightest. I hope this feeling passes quickly.

I doubt he has any idea of his affect. I understand he has also suffered a loss so he may have been wrapped up in grief in that moment as well.

It may have just been a misunderstanding...

He asked who you were grieving for (assuming someone you love died?) and then asked if he was ill??? Did you really say "no" and that he died of a drug overdose? Maybe he was just confused and focused on the issue of drugs/addiction and wanted to direct you to the right chat room for support.

Maybe that says something about how you express your own feelings of how he died to others outside of FoF and Al-Anon. In you're heart you know he was ill and that illness took him from you. But maybe a piece of you carries a bit of shame and this is how it manifests to those not touched by addiction.

(((((Hugs to you)))))

Take care of you.

Alice

dorton

Your pain and loss is no less real or valid than anyone else's pain and loss. I would think anyone with a heart would understand that. But unfortunaitly people do judge others. My son is just out of rehab and wanted to play basketball with a church group that he had played with before going into rehab and now they don't want him to play because of "his problems". That is not a church I would want to be involved with, nor is the man who judged your son and the way he died someone I would want to know.

Spiritual Seeker

It is just one person's perception. That is why we say at mtgs. in person or online..
"take what you like and leave the rest"
Don't let it be an arrow to wound you. If that host had known better he would have done better.
There is no differential with grief.

Take care,

Maggiemac

Alice I am trying so hard with my grief Jason was my only child no matter how he died I love and miss him so. Yes I did tell him he died of a overdose so drugs it was the truth I don't want to lie about it. The site is not about how someone died it is about grief. He said his wife died 4 years ago. My son died 5 months ago I think it is cruel and uncalled for. Thanks for your post.
Maggiemac

gotahavfaith

Maggie

I AM SO SORRY FOR HOW THAT MAN TREATED YOU!!!! IF YOU ARE ABLE, ASK GOD TO FORGIVE HIM.

:sorry

Gotahavfaith

ItsmeAlice

Maggiemac, I can hear the hurt in your post.

I don't know the loss of a child personally, but I do know what it is like to have feelings of loss disregarded by others and dismissed as less than their own. It is a deep strike to the heart that leaves you feeling isolated and alone in your pain. I am so sorry that has happened. I just wanted to tell you that again.

You are not alone here please know that. Your grief is felt here and in other groups on SR even though it is often difficult to even post a reply since words don't do our condolences justice.

I wish I could know why the host of the chat acted that way. I sometimes find solace in knowing people who strike out verbally to others they meet in life are suffering from pain and unhappiness that I can't understand. Maybe from this view you can find a way to let the hurt from his actions pass.

Keep seeking support. Peace will come.

Alice

Angelic17

Maggie, I want to beat that guy up for you. He shouldn't have treated you that way. He shouldn't be on a site like that if he doesn't understand, that grief is grief, and there is no grief as painful as a mother losing her only child. My heart is always with you Maggie. :sorry



This is for that idiot He needs a good beating.

PeaceTrain

Dear Maggie,
Grief is grief regardless of how a person died - the death of a child to a parent will always be against the laws of nature and difficult to deal with. We cannot change others, but we can go forward and perhaps try to educate the ignorant, because that is what that man is - ignorant and feel pity for him. My sincere sympathy for you.

On a different matter, I was told at an Alanon meeting, that I did not belong because my AD used drugs -- the explanation was weird to say the least -- but ignorant people are everywhere... Sad but true

Serenity Bound

Awe Maggie, I'm so sorry that man treated you that way. What an ignorant person he is. You know & I know that addiction is a disease, apparently he does not. Let's hope for his sake that someone close to him doesn't end up with this disease.

peacetrain, some alanon groups are like that, beats me, cause as far as I'm concerned addiction is addiction.