should I have hope.
 

I just wondered if I could get any input on my situation with my boyfriend. He have been telling me since we met that he is going to quit using. Tonight he is going to start going to Na meetings. At first he wanted me to go with him. Then he told me he did not want me to go because he wants to do it himself. Then last night he asked me to go with him again. Now he is saying he wants to go alone. I am not sure if he is even going to go himself. I pray he does. HE use to do a lot of heavy drugs. Then he ended up in rehab and was clean for about a year and then we meet about 8 months ago. We moved along:prayinge pretty fast and I love him tons. The problem is about a month ago his back was hurting and one of his so called friends gave him an oxy 80. Since then he has been using pretty much every day. I really hope he is being honest about go to NA to night. I just dont understand why I can not be there with him for support. Any advice would help. Thanks!

OMG AH - you nut! :agree

Welcome to SR - take the time to read around SR - lots of valuable information. Educate yourself, read the stickies and try your best to keep your distance in his recovery. Watch his ACTIONS, not his words. Many of us have been dragged for years with words instead of paying attention to their actions.

I went to some meetings with my AH for awhile, then I began to feel like he needed to be there on his own. I wanted him to be able to share without worrying about me and what I might think. I think it may have even made it impossible for him to share honestly if I was there. Sharing is important for recovery.

I believe there is always hope, but I've also learned that nothing I do or say will make my AH stay clean. Only he can decide what choices he will make.

I find Al-anon helpful. Have you tried meetings for yourself?

Heck i watched my XH's vasectomy - he wanted me there for support but i'm really into the medical side so the doc sat and explained everything he was doing - it was like a medical class, i think he enjoyed having someone interested in his work.

but as for recovery - if he wants to go alone then that's exactly what he should do - he doesnt need support in there because he'll have tons of it with the group.

with what that man did to me at least i still have that image of him. lol

(((Jessicact))

Welcome to SR!! As you can see, we do have a little fun sometimes:)

As far as hope, I'm a recovering addict and I think a person can ALWAYS have hope. However, I also believe in preparing for the worst, hoping/praying for the best.

As was mentioned above, go by his actions, not his words. We addicts are the best at telling you what you want to hear, just to keep stringing you along. If he truly wants recovery, it will show in his actions...he won't HAVE to say anything.

I hope you keep reading and posting here. Life is truly like being on a rollercoaster when you love an addict, but there are many people here who have been on the ride for a while and can share some ES&H (experience, strength & hope)...oh and a lot of humor:)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

I just want to add something here--oxys were my DOC and if he is doing 80 mg pills every day (even if it is one a day) he has a very serious habit. Kicking that stuff is exactly like kicking the big H. Maybe worse, because heroin is cut with junk, where oxy is pharmaceutically pure. I mean it, if he does it every day he is going to be pretty sick. I couldn't withdraw off those pain pills on my own. And I only did a half of that.

I needed help. I had an addictionologist, helpful prescribed meds to take for a long time, and NA meetings almost daily. I have a sponsor, stepwork, and a network of friends in recovery. That's what it will take. You can't help him with it at all.

I just want you to know, this stuff will eat you both alive if you get involved. You need to detach with love. The street value of an oxy 80 is currently at least $50 each pill. Can you afford this? A lot of addicts drain their loved ones dry before they die or get clean. Only about 1 of 10 opiate addicts get and stays clean currently. It's a pretty big chance to take. We have to really, really want to stay clean, cause it's very hard to kick opiates. If he isn't really motivated, forget it.

You didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. I'm sorry. Run for the hills, IMO.

KJ

Thank you for those details, kj. Information is so valuable to anyone who loves a drug addict.

I hope jessi gets support. He doesn't sound like he's ready to quit.

KJ, abundant blessings to you and your life in recovery! Happy Springtime.

I agree with KJ - my AH's DOC was Oxy also until he was fired from his 19 year job for drug use. Of course he couldn't afford oxy, so he switched to heroin. Oxy's are NOT something to mess around with - especially 80's.

well Another day and still he has not gone to a NA meeting. Last night he showed up at my house high. I feel so bad turning him away. He says he want to get his life together and change his ways. I am not sure how much more I can take. When he is high on oxys and pot he is in a very good mood. When he is coming down, he is not fun to be with. What can I do to help him change his ways for good?

NO he did not. I am so upset I just dont know what to do. Last night he showed up at my house high. I am having a hard time turning him away. Why is he doing this to himself. When he is high he is very happy and nice and when he is not he is moody and grumpy. I am really starting to see that mybe he really does not want to change. i keep using the excuse that he is not working right now and that is why he is using again. I am at my wits end!!

You can't help him change his ways. He has to want it.

Actions speak louder than words. Is this the kind of relationship that you want? What you are seeing is what you get.

I went to tons of Alanon/Naranon meetings - read their literature - talked to folks that had been through it. Educated myself on the disease so I could make an informed decision about what I needed to do. I just thought that if I loved my ASs enough - they would stop using. Wrong!!

Unfortunately, sometimes I wanted recovery for the addicts in my life more than they did. And that just doesn't work.

Read the stickies - they are wonderful - and keep posting and reading here. These folks have walked the path you are on.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

:ValD007: