tate24texas

Well my g/f who i love very much has been addicted to pills for about 6 yrs.i finally told her it was over if she didnt get help.she called my bluff i broke up with her and we made up after a couple hours.then the weekend came and she dissappears cause "she needs space"she calls monday and we talked and she went to detox,and know she's in a inpatient program doing well.so now i find out she had sex with a guy twice to get pills over her missing weekend.we have been talking about marriage kids and a life together.she has said how sorry she is she hurt me,but has not owned up to that.my question is what do i do?please anyone help me

TTOSBT

I am so sorry for you. I am glad she is where she needs to be.
I am a recovering alcoholic, so I am not really qualified to offer suggestions. But I did want to welcome you and let you know that a lot of folks with tons of experience with these situations will be along shortly.
In the meantime, read some of the stickies at the top.

cessy68

Welcome to SR, I wish I were able (healthy wise) to offer you guidence- however I'm in quite the quandry myself.

I can offer you support and empathy--- that I know how painful this is.

I have been down this road for 4 yrs now, (2 of them in addiction) with my abf that is addicted to pain pills.

Unfortunatly I have not found my solution yet.

My abf has never had any sexual indescrecions ( he has plenty of money for his pills) however, the trust is gone.

Once that trust is gone - as cliche' as it may sound- it's really difficult to have a relationship.

What drives you to stay in this mess? That is the first question to ask yourself. I am asking myself the same, so I mean that in a non-critical way.

Hope you find peace here- everyone has been wonderful to me.

I feel your pain,
Cess

bluejay6

I felt so sad reading your post, Tate. Welcome. And I am deeply sorry for your tremendous pain and shock.

Any addict will tell you very frankly that dope is number one in an addict's life and that your girlfriend will do whatever it takes to get it.

She will lie and betray and destroy the heart of anyone who loves her, as long as she's using.

A week in rehab is not much....it will likely take two years before you'll know if she can stay clean and keep her promises.

This is a hard challenge in your life, one of the hardest you have probably ever faced: but you are going to have to find a way to step back from her, to find your sanity and dignity again, and to become a man who can set terms for himself and his life and stand by them.

No matter what she does or does not do, it is you that will make or break you, Tate.

And nothing you do will affect her addict behavior, so don't go wondering if you do this or that that maybe she'll clean up for you. Addicts do not think about us when they're using. And it takes a long time in recovery for them to be able to truly think of others and put the needs of others ahead of their own.

So don't think anything you do or say to her is going to be the magic bullet.

Hang with recovering people awhile...here and in meetings if you can get to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. The longer you do, the better you will feel about yourself and the clearer your mind will be.

And make a firm decision that you will not let her drugs take you down.

I am so sorry you are so hurt. We know that kind of pain here. It strikes so deep and can cripple us for some time. But we can get back on our feet.

Do you have a plan?

tate24texas

i dont have a plan right now she a week out of detox,and she's not able to make phone calls as she is not yet a week at her inpatient treatment. she's saying all the right things and taking all the right steps,but how do i know if i can trust her. i know it was a choice made over the drugs but it doesnt make the pain any less heart breaking. omg this is the kinda stuff that lead to my addiction so many years ago...but i know better now and have the strength to not go back to that choice of life style

Latte

Help yourself. That is the only advice I can offer. Al-Anon or Nar-Anon so you can detach and let her live her own life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Seren

Hi Tate,

I'm so sorry for what has brought you to this site, but welcome! Right now, your agf is working a recovery and that is her only thought and focus. Whether to trust her or not is something no one can answer right now.

You need to learn all you can about addiction and work on your own happiness. I'm not saying forget about your gf. Encourage her to do the right thing, but it is too early in her recovery for you to be able to rely on her. As others have said, Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and this site or all good sources of information and support.

Please keep reading, keep posting. Hugs, HG

eaglesgirl

Tate...
I am sorry for all the confusion and pain you are feeling...

One week into inpatient therapy and suddenly she "knows" all there is about not using and how she hurt you and all the things she "will" do to make it right...

Funny, my RAH has over two years and three months clean from pills, heroin, etc...
About a YEAR into his recovery he finally realized how everything we were dealing with was a direct result of HIS using and how he realized everything that I went through was a direct result of HIS using...

It took about two years into his recovery that I was fully able to trust him completely.

It takes time and alot of work to rebuild broken trust...

Please take time to heal for Yourself.

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

First, she will do what she's going to do, a common fallacy among codies like us is that we are responsible for the recovery of the other. Ain't true, like the old saying, you can lead a horse to water....

Advice I was given, and ignored repeatedly, was to walk away, actually most suggested I run away. But at the end of the day, it's your choice.

Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.