whereami

I don't know what got into him but all of a sudden my ex, babys dad, is texting after 6 months without any consistent help, financial or emotional and is saying he wants to see us in a hotel!! Help...after all the cr*p I have been through I don't need to be anywhere near him! Is he in a drug induced state saying that he loves us and misses us and everything will be fine if we see him? He has ignored me and neglected her for months and now all of a sudden he sends 35 texts saying he is coming he needs to be in our life and wants everything to be fine. Just last week i got an email from his coworker saying hands off hes mine. I even saw on facebook that he put single and only has girls and ex's listed with his cell number public. He is obviously sleeping around why the hell is he trying to drag me back into his life? I am so frustrated. I want to move on and then this happens. Do I just ignore him, he is narcissistic and extremely prone to lying so I know this is just some power move...what is happening why all of a sudden is he pressuring the hell outta me to meet him on a Sunday when it takes him 5 hrs to get here just to turn around for work on monday?! What is he doing?:wtf2

itisatruth

Ignore him.

Remember why you are so much better off without the craziness. He just started texting you again and already the insanity has begun.

Can you block his number or something? Don't look at his Facebook, don't answer his or his coworker's calls.

Keep this about you and your baby and what's best for the two of you.

whereami

I am trying to be strong I am so scared...why is this affecting me?

itisatruth

Wish I knew a good answer for that one. I don't think it's like an on/off switch that we can just turn off.... you have a lot of history and you were living the insanity, all this must bring up lots of old feelings - taking you back to 'that' place where you don't feel secure, safe.

I'm sorry you're scared. I'd like to say try not to think about it but I know how impossible that can be....maybe since you are unsure of yourself right now, just take it slow....I mean don't do anything right now. Take time to think it through and listen to your instincts. There's that saying "Play the tape all the way through." What could happen if you become involved with this man again?

Thinking of you........

marle

Just because he wants to meet with you does not mean you have to go. You do have a choice here. I pray that you make the one that is right for you and your child. Hugs, Marle

Seren

:ghug2

None of us can make this decision for you, but do you REALLY want this man back in your life? In your child's life? REALLY?!

Ignore his texts, e-mails, calls, block them from your phone (all cells have that capability now), your e-mail account.

Hugs and prayers, HG

Live

My dad always taught us: you can want in one hand and crap in the other and see which fills up first.

Sorry if that is rude, but that is my reaction to what he wants.
So he wants something. So what???

And I believe that if he is not paying child support nor has he attempted to, he doesn't have any legal rights to visitation anyway. Depends on the state.

I think I would make it a point to not only not go to meet him but to not be at home where he can look you up either.
Too bad it is on a Sunday, or else you could be at the courthouse.'
Filing for suppport and or protection etc.

nytepassion

"Like a lamb being led to the slaughter are those who believe the narcissist cares about anything or anyone other than Him/her self."

He is the hunter - You are his prey.

He is a narcissist ... You can be 100% absolutely positive that his reasons are SELF SERVING.
It is all about HIM and there is some sort of narcissistic payoff in it for him.
You and baby are a pawn in his game. I hope you don't go. Just ignore him.
Because beyond a shadow of a doubt you will end up hurt one way or another.


You are right you don't need to be any where near him.

HE wants to see you and the baby. What about all the time you wanted him to do the right things, treat you the right way, be a good daddy to your baby? What about what YOU WANTED? Did HE give a damn then? No HE didn't.

Narcissist don't give a damn about anyone else but themselves. Never forget that. Cause the minute you do you'll fall prey to him.

You say you know this is just some kind of a power move ... intellectually you know .. don't let your heart tell you otherwise just Do NOT GO MEET him.
You see the red flags .. they're everywhere ... Please don't ignore them.

The co-worker called and told you hands off he is mine .. Let her have him.. she isn't getting anything you haven't already had, but worse. He hasn't gotten help for his addiction and is a narcissist (a double whammy) little does she know and he will do to her what he has done to you and more. Don't sweat it.

Keep yourself and your baby safe STAY AWAY from him. He has nothing to offer you, but brokeness and pain - Protect your heart and your child. He hasn't changed. Don't lose focus of that.

He says meet him and everything will be fine. Fine for who? You and the baby? He!! No!
Fine for him? Yes .. Because like I said there is some kind of payoff in it for him.
Believe me there is something in it for him and him alone .. and that something will cost you a great deal of grief.
You don't need the heartache .... Save your time and your sanity - Don't Go!



You and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers

Hugs,
Passion

just for today

Do you have a support order in effect for your child?......I can only suggest If you do call them and let them meet him.....there is nothing in this for you and your child except heartache....I like cynicalone's advise if you must go for some reason?????? then leave your child with someone safe????? another question why a motel?????....please be smart, block his messages, stop looking at his facebook and put your focus on what is right for you....make this no longer about what he wants because you can bet what he wants will only cause you pain.....

outtolunch

Meeting up in a hotel room is slime ball stuff.

If he cared about his child and legal obligation, he would send child support.

Do you have intentions of securing court-ordered child support?

Have you considered changing your phone number or blocking his calls and those his co-workers who are playing games?

No is a complete and powerful sentance.

WLDKATZ

sorry flashes of my past, stabbed 9 times laying there bleeding with broken hips and pelvic bones watching him strangling my mom not being able to do anything......then I think hotel and think of that creiglist killer......sorry that is just me though, what YOU chose to do though IS up to YOU..........just remeber it ISNT YOU who is going to suffer it will be YOUR DAUGHTER..........what if he just wants to kidnapp her?!?!? Or even you for that matter?!?!?! Stranger things have happened!


Good Luck!
Pamm

splendra

I would think that if he really wanted to see you he would not be asking you to drive 5 hours away to see him. Maybe he is trying to bum a ride or wants money don't fall for it.


I think the reason you feel the way you do is because your gut is telling you to stay away from him.

whereami

Well I took your advice and remained strong. I am not sure why he even wants to keep trying to drag us in his life when he is addicted to painkillers and still is an admitted pot head. He said he does it "ocassionally" and that he is "cool, calm and collected" and can drive just fine ...what an idiot...does he think I would ever allow myself or my little one in a car with that possibility? Not to mention it is illegal for a reason! I am going to a lawyer tommorow even if I have to make payments per month i need the peace of mind. I am tired of being afraid of him going crazy and deciding he wants to just kidnap us or worse punish me by hurting her. I have to do what is right and be a mom and stop dealing with his childish ways. I can't believe his mom is still giving him money and doing things for him even allowing him to live rent free and he has not one dime saved in 6 months. I bet if they pulled his work receipts they would find a lot of money missing. Do you know that his mom calls sometimes when he dissapears at night or is off of work. Then she takes it back the next day by saying, I am sure he was just with a friend. I am done with the lies, the addiction issues, the narcissistic behavior. What kind of man leaves his child and supposed woman in another state with 10,000 worth of debt that he accrued and then has the nerve to just try and walk in 6 months later for a casual visit? He has some nerve. I will just focus on working and providing a wonderful life for my little girl. I love her so much and know that it will all work out. The lord is watching and knows I am a good mommy and teacher and I was raised to be a good person, but not a doormat. Thank you for letting me vent...

Impurrfect

Good for you, sweetie!!

Keep your focus on you and your precious daughter...let him and his mom and any other victims he finds, deal with their own issues.

I'm saying extra prayers that you find a competent and compassionate lawyer to work with you on a payment plan.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Mis

Good for you girl! Stay strong!

whereami

Here is to one more day with the phone off, another bill paid woo hoo and lil one happy...I will do my best to ignore his drama. I have a feeling he is about to hit some sort of bottom b/c his parents want him out on June 1st...hope he realizes he ain't using a teacher for a sugar momma...lol like I could ever be that let alone get ahead for awhile...

Freedom1990

That little tidbit I put in bold is probably a good portion of the reason he contacted you!

My oldest AD is a very clever girl, and has never been homeless for more than 24 hours.

Stick to your guns, and love yourself and that precious little one! :ghug :ghug

Serenity Bound

I think freedom hit the nail on the head.....he's looking for somewhere to crash. I'm so glad you found your strength, stay focused on you & your little one.

Hugs,
Chris

Ann

You did the wise thing, and please continue to protect yourself from him. 35 text messages saying he is coming is a huge red flag from where I sit. Very controlling, I think.

Take care of yourself and your baby. He's sick and cannot be anything but trouble right now.

Hugs

whereami

He is trying to send mean/rude messages saying "how is (daughter) dont care about you keep me in touch" How Rude! I ignore his calls and have decided that once his sh** hits the fan he will come crawling back and I will ignore him again...he will get the point. Right now he thinks he is in control because his messages are very confident that he is in the right I am no good because I ratted him out to the authorities and his mom and he thinks I am a jerk for not seeing the wonderful awesome guy he is...he even left me a "F*** You" text-lovely...I am just blowing him off like he did to me emotionally and financially for so long. I am going to a job interview tommorow for the Fall and lining up a summer job so that I can get paid ontop of my summer break check. i will get my finances in order, continue praying and going to church with mom and little one and ignore his lunatic quacking before it drives me insane. I guess he is mad b/c his money and resources come from his parents and since he has to move out in a month he thinks I am messing with that by telling them the truth. But someone told me the Truth is the best policy...I felt like he was being baptized in fire on some of the texts he sent. I will just continue doing teh right thing and try to focus on building a life for myself. It has been so long since I have relaxed and enjoyed a TV show or done something without him on my mind...I think after the F ..you text I pretty much lost any guilt in cutting him off completely...my mom hopes he doesnt come back around again as soon as he realized he aint that great a catch and he lost a great family but who knows...it is easier to ignore him mad at me than to deal with him pushing to be with us...or should I say use me...whew sorry for the length...I appreciate you reading please please tell me I am doing the right thing??