littlebird77

my ABF got out of jail a few days ago. he was clean promising me he would stay clean.. he even formed his own meetings in the jail....

my cousin died in a motorcycle accident, left two babies behind.
i go to the funeral today, and come home so tired.
the ABF is passed out on the floor as i write this.

he is breathing weird, but he is alive.

my cousin is gone, with two babies and a wife left behind, and the ABF is on the floor passed out from god knows what.

i said really REALLY mean things to him. I said God made a mistake and took my cousin.. he should have taken him... its so wrong... and part of me wishes it was true...

Freedom1990

My EXAH went back to the penitentiary for a year on a parole violation before we were ever married.

Oh, the promises he made! He would write these long, eloquent letters about how I was the only woman who had ever made him feel that way. I was his one and only, and he was going to turn his life around. I clung on to every word in those letters because I desperately wanted to believe.

He attended meetings within the walls. His parents and I would pile in the car faithfully every weekend and drive up to see him. I'd accept his collect phone calls because I needed to hear his voice, never mind I could never pay all my bills.

As soon as he got out, we got married. I bought it hook, line, and sinker.

That man is dead now, buried 3 years ago, complications due to AIDS he contracted while sharing needles with someone else. I was in rehab at the time.

I never went back home to him. However, I didn't realize that no matter where I went, there I was, and you see I had a problem with my man-picker. I was still broken inside. So even though I walked away from him, I continued to pick the sickest ones for 13 more loooooong years till I finally hit my codie bottom.

Life's not meant to live the way I was living, nor it is meant for you to live the way you are now.

But, God does give us the right to exercise our own free will. Until the pain of doing what we do outweighs the fear of letting go of our unhealthy thought processes/actions/choices in men, we stay stuck.

Thank you for reminding me how incredibly grateful I am not to live that way anymore.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

hello-kitty

Sorry to hear about your cousin and her children, and that your ex lied about staying clean and sober when he got out of jail. That's the way it goes with addicts though. They will say anything to ensure they have a soft place to land when they get out of jail. Live and learn I guess.

rose

Littlebird,

I can understand what you are feeling and how you became so angry with him...rightfully so! It just angered me so bad see my husband using, killing himself, then seeing people dying trying to save their lives. As well as myself laying there night after night worrying about hiim, if he was dead or alive. I thought to myself I wish he would die, then this nightmare would be all over. The choas, worry and upset that comes with being with an active addict can make us go over the edge. Dont be hard on yourself,

Rose

greeteachday

(((((LittleBird))))
I'm so sorry...for all of this. You shouldn't have to deal with it right now. Just take care of you and your feelings now...I'm just really terribly sorry and my thoughts and prayers are with you