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Old 04-20-2009, 06:36 AM
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Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
You are all in my prayers, but I am confused with the "involuntary manslaughter" comment. No one got killed did they? Surely she will be facing felony charges, but manslaughter when no one got killed?
Im pretty confused with that statement too. I didnt understand it either. I dont know if the cop said it because her blood alcohol content was so high that she could have involuntary committed manslaughter or what. I dont get it. No one was killed. Maybe he just said that as a scare tactic. He was pretty rude. BUt he was doing his job too.

As far as felony charges, as she is a minor, this will be sealed in her juvinile records right? It wont carry over into her adult life and affect her ability of getting a job or school? Good grief. She paid pretty good for her mistakes already. I can see that they arrest her but will just book her and release her into parents custody where she will have probation and community service I think. I dont know, she just has to get thru this at the hospital right now.
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Old 04-20-2009, 07:19 AM
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In Georgia they dont usually hold kids long. The first arrest they typically get them out in a day - no bonds just into parents hands unless its a felony. Since she's injured the parents may be able to work something else out with the court - they need to talk to the DA and see what can be done. Typically the records are sealed after they complete probation and stay out of trouble. In Ga not all drug and alcohol charges are automatically sealed but the courts try to whenever possible - if they run drug tests then she may be in trouble for anything in her system too. this is all just my state - she'll have a public defender but in Georgia its not the same kind of defense as adults get - i never really got to talk to the public defender before court and they are defending "in the best interest of the child" and not just to get the child off and charges dropped. so like in my son's case it was in his best interest to be locked up then that's what the public defender wanted too. It does help her that you're not pressing charges - the worst in these cases is when another parent pushes it. The cop is probably trying to scare everyone because you cant commit manslaughter if no one dies - the only charges i can think of that would stick would be DUI, driving without a license, and reckless driving - maybe reckless endangerment, might be some kind of charge for taking the car too - it is theft. She's in a lot of trouble but if she goes straight after this she will be okay - if she doesnt then she's in for a lot of trouble. They are going to keep a watch on her for a long time to come.
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Old 04-20-2009, 07:39 AM
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:praying
Adding my prayers for the girls, both families and for you too, Gwen.
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:01 AM
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Dear Gwen, I am sorry your going through all of this. I will definitely pray for you & your loved ones.
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:14 AM
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Im gonna put this out here becaus its how I feel.

I feel angry and dissappointed. In the girls but also in myself. I have been in a world of trouble myself. From my drug charge, my felonies of driving while revoked and the jail time and community service. I made my life an open book for these girls. And they still did what I did. I feel guilty that there wasnt something I didnt do more. I know thats not right but I still feel guilt. Ambers last words to me before they took her was Im sorry I didnt listen. Well I guess some lessons have to be learned the hard way.

On a lighter note, Amber will be moved out of the ICU today and put into a room! SHe has another surgery scheduled for either tomarrow or wednesday. She has a good doctor.

I will keep you posted on how she does.
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:24 AM
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I know that guilt well, especially when it came to my past life and what my oldest AD did once she got into her teens.

Forgive yourself, and stay in the moment. :ghug :ghug
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Old 04-20-2009, 09:21 AM
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Oh Darling i know that feeling. I did NOT live a pristine life when i was younger - i did a lot of what my son does - i just never got caught and was very lucky that it never affected my health, freedom, life. So now that my son does these things i look back and wonder, who am I to judge what he is doing? I went too light on consquences because of my guilt and ended up enabling him.

So here's the thing, its not judging him and its not the example i set because it has NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with him - the fact is I am his parent and as his parent i have to keep him safe and teach him right from wrong. We know its wrong not only because that's what all the professionals tell us but because we experienced it ourselves firsthand. It is hard to see your child walk the same path and they will throw it in your face as soon as they figure out that trick but it doesnt matter. You are clean now and you know what you have to do as a parent. Sometimes being an open book when they are young is not the best choice - sometimes you might want to hold back some details until they are older and can understand it because at the young age they sometimes justify their behavior by saying "well my mom did it." if that's too late for you (as it is for me) then just let it go - its in the past and nothing you can do about it now. but you are mom and as mom you have a responsibility to teach them the dangers of this behavior and you have a responsibility to punish when you feel necessary. Guilt will get you nowhere and does them no good - you are better able to teach your children about drugs and alcohol because of what you went through - just take what you have learned and teach them well. If it makes you feel better my son says that the best counselors are the ones who used to be users - the ones who never used he says cannot understand him. So in a weird twisted sort of way you are actually more equipped to help them through these tough teen years. Be thankful you are not naive as that would be much much worse.
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Old 04-20-2009, 09:30 AM
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Gwenie,
Let's just hope this was a BIG eye opener for both of them.
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Old 04-20-2009, 10:08 AM
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(((Gwen))) All of you are in my prayers. YOU need to take care of yourself, as you don't want to end up in the hosp again. In taking care of yourself, you need to let go of any anger or guilt that you may feel. I had a similiar incendent with my AD. (twice)
She & her friend in two very serious accidents, I had to call her mom to advise her that her daughter was being flown to shock trama. (this girl was not only a friend to my AD, but had been living in our home for approx 5 mos, my AD was driving)

I'm praying that both girls (& your younger ones also) will learn the lesson NOW, as opposed to later.

Gwen, it took me from 1998 til this past year to forgive myself and to ask forgiveness from the other mother. Don't let it take you that long, you did not do anything wrong.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 04-20-2009, 12:19 PM
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Wanted to say I was thinking of you. Id assume and hope that Amber due to her injuries and such she will get a hefty probation sentence. That just may save her life in the future.

I hope Savannah learns from this as well
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Old 04-20-2009, 12:43 PM
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They havent moved Amber out of ICU yet. But the doctor has her up doing physical therapy already. She is really sore.
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Old 04-20-2009, 04:41 PM
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(((((Gwen))))) I don't know what to say except you and they didn't need this!!!!

I'm praying all things work together for good, meaning I pray something good does come out of this.

I know this has broken your heart, as well as theirs. Although, try not to personalize it with your past, especially in front of the girls. Try to remain strong, not demanding, no tears (in front of her), emotionally detach as best as you can. If she needs to cry let her cry and talk, just validate her feelings.

One day at a time, one decision at a time with this. May God help you in the days ahead with her and them.
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Old 04-20-2009, 04:59 PM
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Whoaaaa!!!!! It sounds like these 2 girls are learning a good lesson. Everyone knows that you can't drink and drive. Especially such a young and new driver, with very little driving experience. Thank GOD that they weren't killed. I'm so sorry for these 2 girls. It's a hard lesson, and it's being learned the hardest way. Prayers are going up for the girls. Also, many prayers for Amber's foot to heal with a miracle. That she won't lose her foot, or suffer from infection. I will pray for your beautiful girls to heal quickly, and to learn that alcohol and pot will only take them down the wrong path. God will protect them, and send them a guardian angel to watch over them.
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Old 04-20-2009, 09:56 PM
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Just talked to Amber. She is sore and tearful from the pain but also from regret. She will be having her second surgery tomarrow. This surgery will consist of finishing up the damage and possibly a skin graft and muscle graft. Her mom is with her and will be staying with her till she comes home. If this surgery goes well she could possibly come home this weekend sometime. If they find that they have to do the grafts then it will require more surgery and more hospital stay.

I sat with Amber's dad and younger sister for a few hours tonight talking about when she comes home. I assured them that things do return to normal. Also we talked of the legal issues that Amber will face. The cop has decided that they dont want to push the issues anymore than what has happened. She was read her rights in the hospital and released to her parents all within the hour at the hospital saturday morning. She may face probation and maybe community service in the future but that is all. The state believes that the girls have learned a hard enough lessons. I dont know if he's doing that cause I know him as a friend or if he is just trying to cut the girls a break. I guess I forgot to mention that I know the state trooper as a friend. But he knows me and the things I went thru and he knows I will follow thru with things here at home. I didnt ask for leiniency. But I think he granted me some just the same. Im grateful. I really think the girls have learned such a lesson. Its not over by any means but we can only ;ive a day at a time.

Savannah got her right hand casted today and has to go back thursday for more xrays and they may cast her left hand yet too. Lol, its funny watching her trying to eat or wash her hair.

Ahhh, but my girls are alive. For that Im so very grateful.
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Old 04-21-2009, 03:45 PM
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My Heart goes out to you. This could be a blessing in disguise. These kids will think twice about getting behind the wheel when they are high. Sounds like they got hurt pretty badly. I'm so sorry for that. But, I sure am glad that they are alive. Wishing a speedy recovery to both of the girls, and to their moms.
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Old 04-21-2009, 10:11 PM
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An update on Amber.

She had the second surgery and it has been determined that she will have to have a 3rd and possibly a 4th next week. She is doing ok. In alot of pain and really upset that she is still facing so much more with surgery. They have to put a rod in her shin and take some muscle from either the leg or the stomach are to replace over the fracture as there is nothing there and if she ever wants to walk right again.

Ambers spirits are pretty low. I am going down to sit with her tomarrow for the day so hr mom can come home for a little bit and take care of some things. She doesnt want Amber left alone for long periods of time yet. I have my own household to care for and cant stay there during the week. But I think one day this weekend I will go down to sit with her overnight so her mom and dad can be home for a bit. They need to regroup too. Like Ive said before, I consider Amber as much a part of my family as my own girls.

So I am gonna go down and make her laugh silly to lighten her up. This will be the 1st time Ive seen her since they took her on a stretcher from the hospital.

Please continue your prayers for Amber and her family. My girls are ok but they are having some hard times with their anxiety of the 'what if's'. Like Savannah could have very well gone thru the windshield if it was for the airbag. Or if Amber had swerved and hit the side one of them would be dead. Im having a hard time getting them to stay in the moment and just be grateful that this is all that has happened. The younger sisters are angry on why the consequences were so great. I explained to them that we all pay for our mistakes. Well they cant see how this is the price for just having fun. I think I will turn this over to my HP and also the counselor that my youngest sees.

This has been hard on both our families cause we are all so close. I think one day this weekend, Im gonna take all the girls for just a fun night with no worries. I dont know. They need to get away from this I think.
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Old 04-21-2009, 10:49 PM
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(((((gwenmarie)))))

I don't pray in a traditional sense but have been keeping you and the girls in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry you all have to go through this.

Love,

Lenina
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Old 04-22-2009, 10:51 AM
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((Gwen))

prayers for you, the girls and all the families.

what a frightening situation. Grateful that they were protected from it being much worse.

Please take good care of you during all this too - Remember you have to be the BEST you can be (mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually) to be able to give the most help to others!
Love, HUGS, and prayers,
Rita
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Old 04-22-2009, 02:11 PM
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This is how it was explained to me:

My sons have the disease of addiction/alcoholism - probably the genetic kind since there are zillions of alcoholics in our family.

So nothing I did or didn't do could make them alcoholics - or keep them from becoming one. When they picked up the first substance, the disease was activated and off they went.

One sober son (with a sober wife) - both in recovery 20+ years - are now looking at their fifth grader who seems to be starting down the path (we start young in my family). What my son said was that they are looking at this with their eyes open - getting him some counseling - letting him know it is unacceptable in their home - doing what people in recovery do. It makes them sad - but he said he would rather them have this disease than cancer. He's been to meetings with them and knows the deal.

Remember the 3 Cs.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

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Old 04-22-2009, 04:51 PM
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I hope that Amber does not become addicted to the pain pills that the doctors are probably giving her. My son had an accident when he was in the 8th grade and the doctor gave him pain pills. Shortly after that he was caught taking pills in school....thats where it all started. Now he is shooting oxy's.
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