How will I know when he is truly ready to stop using?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 6
How will I know when he is truly ready to stop using?
My ex-boyfriend is on his way to a six month rehab. He told me he wants to focus on his wife and kids (I though she was ex), but maybe we can hang out and get drunk when he gets out. I want this to work for him, but in my heart I know he is just going to use again. He says he wants to do this for his parents, his kids, his sister, in short everybody but me. I am so grateful for this site for the information and the reading and the compassion. I don't know yet what I'll do if he comes back to me, because I know he will only come back if he starts using and his family cuts him off. I play the scenario in my mind.....do I welcome him back with dinner or cut him off too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by redstar5105 
My ex-boyfriend is on his way to a six month rehab. He told me he wants to focus on his wife and kids (I though she was ex), but maybe we can hang out and get drunk when he gets out.
Let me get this straight? He's still married? He maybe wants to hang out with you and get drunk after he gets out of rehab?
See if you can get a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I'd also highly suggest the book "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.
Find Alanon meetings in your area and start attending on a regular basis. This will help put the focus back on you and how to heal yourself. If you don't start looking at yourself and your thought processes, even if you never hook back up with him again, you'll end up with another like him. I repeated that same mistake over and over for 13 years.
Learn to like yourself, even love yourself, to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Learn to be your own best friend. It's worth it, I promise.
:ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by redstar5105
I don't know yet what I'll do if he comes back to me, because I know he will only come back if he starts using and his family cuts him off. I play the scenario in my mind.....do I welcome him back with dinner or cut him off too.
He was panhandling when you met him, for cryin out loud.
I do not know you, but I do know you deserve to value yourself more than you do.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Originally Posted by redstar5105
My ex-boyfriend is on his way to a six month rehab. He told me he wants to focus on his wife and kids (I though she was ex), but maybe we can hang out and get drunk when he gets out.
This is your answer isnt it! Wait six months for him to come back out and use you again..
It sounds like he has you all figured out and you're still trying to figure him out!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Welcome to SR Redstar!!
Glad that you found us.
Freedom gave you some good book suggestions,
my advice would be to run as fast as you can
you deserve much better.
Stick around and read more, you'll get a lot of
support from others soon.
Glad you are here!
:day6
Glad that you found us.
Freedom gave you some good book suggestions,
my advice would be to run as fast as you can
you deserve much better.
Stick around and read more, you'll get a lot of
support from others soon.
Glad you are here!
:day6
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
so you're his safety net - if everyone else dumps him then he will come back to you? Sounds like he's just stringing you along for when he screws up - have some love and respect for yourself and say no to that offer because you're only going to get the messy scraps and you deserve more than that.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
