Angelic17

Wow, Nick is one lucky little man to have you to color his eggs with him. I am so sorry about your daughter, but relapse is a big part of opiate addiction. Your daughter has to be really ready, and then once she starts really getting clean, she cannot stand the way she feels, so she uses. Its a horrible disease, and it's so devastating for a mother to watch a child that has everything to live for, abuse herself. Your daughter is struggling and she feels horrible for letting you down. She probably has the biggest heart, and doesn't want to use the drugs, but she is sick. I know, because I had the same problem. I was addicted to pills for 10 years. It was a hard struggle when I quit, but if she can just get through the first year, it gets much easier. The first year is critical. I craved, and felt horrible the first year. Pray for her HP to give her the strength. There is alot of hope. I am now clean 4 yrs, and wouldn't dream of touching an opiate. I can't take that stuff. She will get there, it just takes time. I'm sorry. I know how frightened you are. It's awful. My son is in treatment for opiates also. He did the same thing with the suboxone and the drugs. He went back and forth. It's a compulsion, that they can't control. I am amazed that I did it. I really wanted it, and I knew I was done. She will get there. Hang on. Be strong for Nick and take care of yourself. Happy Easter to Nick and his Grandma. God Bless You and your family. There is no quick fix to addiction, and relapse is part of it. Try to be patient. I can honestly say, I know how you feel. My son's addiction broke my heart. He got better when he was ready, not when I wanted him to.

Joeyboy

Relapse is definitely part of addiction, and it's so true about the first year of recovery-Angelic17. Opiates have the highest relapse rate out of all the drugs, because of the way the addict feels when he/she stops using. I'm sorry for you, because as a mom, I know it hurts us more than them. My heart goes out to Nick and little Hunter too. Prayers are going up for your daughter to fight her addiction. From a loving mother of an opiate addict. I know how you feel.

lostparent

When they have children it is so hard you feel like your between a rock an a hard place. I've been there my Ad would use the threat of taking the kids with her just to get what she wanted. As long as we gave her money or helped her she would leave her son with us. Once we did kick her out an the first thing she did was take the boy an tell his Dad to keep him away from us. That lasted 3 days until I let her come back to eat an take a shower, then she brought him home. That is why we were so happy to get guardianship of the kids, now they can't be used as pawns. Since she knows she is having trouble maybe you could talk her into signing the kids over to you until she gets better. That would be one worry off her while she concentrates on her recovery. An would calm your worries as to where they are an who is taking care of them. How is the father? Could or should he take them in for awhile?
Sending prayers your way...

sleepygoat

suboxone, counseling, school. Wasn't something missing from that equation? did she go to any meetings at all? I could never stay clean without my NA meetings.

I'm sure you did the right thing asking her to leave. I'm sure it was just as hard or harder than the first time. (I remember asking my AD to leave).

I know I'm in the deep minority here, but were it me, I'd put the grandkids in foster care/call protective services. 1)I would not be down for caring for another set of kids. I already raised my AD. and 2) isn't that a bit of enabling, she knows her kids are all clean, fed, loved and cared for so she can go use without thinking much about it? but then, I'm first to admit I don't have any grandkids. I already told my AD if she got pregnant I would be calling protective serviices to take the kid directly, from the delivery room!!

take care,
sleepy

gotahavfaith

[QUOTE=Angelic17;2188624]I am so sorry about your daughter, but relapse is a big part of opiate addiction. Your daughter has to be really ready, and then once she starts really getting clean, she cannot stand the way she feels, so she uses. Its a horrible disease, and it's so devastating for a mother to watch a child that has everything to live for, abuse herself. Your daughter is struggling and she feels horrible for letting you down. She probably has the biggest heart, and doesn't want to use the drugs, but she is sick. I know, because I had the same problem. I was addicted to pills for 10 years. It was a hard struggle when I quit, but if she can just get through the first year, it gets much easier. The first year is critical. I craved, and felt horrible the first year. Pray for her HP to give her the strength. There is alot of hope. I am now clean 4 yrs, and wouldn't dream of touching an opiate. I can't take that stuff. She will get there, it just takes time. I'm sorry. I know how frightened you are. It's awful. My son is in treatment for opiates also. He did the same thing with the suboxone and the drugs. He went back and forth. It's a compulsion, that they can't control. I am amazed that I did it. I really wanted it, and I knew I was done. She will get there. Hang on. There is no quick fix to addiction, and relapse is part of it. Try to be patient. I can honestly say, I know how you feel. My son's addiction broke my heart. He got better when he was ready, not when I wanted him to. QUOTE]

Thank you for that Angelic. First time I cried this time. I think that was what she was trying to explain to me. She had 8 months clean last year until she went to the dentist and they gave her 16 pain pills and it took off from there. Then she has had a month clean this time.

I am praying for her HP to help her through this.

Yes Sleepygoat the NA meetings were missing. I mentioned this a couple of times to her and it went no where. I think those are probably the most important also. No I wouldn't be able to bring myself to send them to foster care, this much I do know. But I AM struggling with taking them from her. I thought I was done with that part of my life. Their Dad cannot care for them as he is an active adict, no job, no support just pills.

Well I am so tired of thinking, that part just drains me, so I guess I will get my mind on something else.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Gotahavfaith

Freedom1990

Child protective services would rather place the children with a responsible relative than in a foster home. If you were to enlist their help, at least you would be in a position where legally you had the children, and she couldn't take them from you as she pleased.

Just some food for thought.

NeedingHelp7

GHF, Is she being drug tested through the suboxone program?

Does she have someone to be accountable to such as a drug court, etc?

How often is she home attending to the children?

CPS may be able to help, giving you some options.

Just some thoughts....

gotahavfaith

Needinghelp

Yes she is drug tested thru the sub program, but all she had been using at that time was the medicine. She is not accountable to anyone as she has never been in any kind of trouble. This last round tho did scare her because she came awfully close to going to jail. She had just left drug dealers house when the woman got busted. Hit the front page of newspaper and all that.
If I took the kids I don't think she would fight me on it, we live in a small town and we know most of the local police. She knows that it would be a fight that she couldn't win.
She takes pretty good care of the kids (plays with them, reads, baths, etc) but if I wasn't helping with them and the house, i don't know what it would be like.

I am just sad tonite. Not mad anymore. Anger will not help anything.

Since she has no money I am off to walmart to buy Easter baskets. Grandson is excited the Easter Bunny is coming. I'm really tired but can't disappoint the little ones. See you all tomorrow.

Gotahavfaith

jwsablich

Gotahavfaith,

the most import people here are the kids, they are innocent and have no choice but to follow her in the decline.

I am no lawyer but I suggest you get a "non time limit" Child power of attorney over the kids, this will allow you to take care of them when she is unable to do so, it will also free them from being exposed to this horrible disease and seeing mommy decline further.
when she is "recovered" she can file for annulment of child power of attorney.

just remember step 1 ( we are powerless over the drug, we are powerless over the addict or their actions) but you do have the power to help the children.

my fiancee is about to go into a 2 month inpatient rehab, my 3 yr old daughter (from a previous marriage) calls her MAMA and is VERY attached to her. However, she has to do this to be able to take care of herself before she can be a mother to her son and my kids.

Keep the faith, help the kids, and pray for her.

Jeff

dorton

I don't have grandkids to think about only my son, but as a teacher I see this all too ofter and I have to say the kids are the most important thing in this picture. I know some think that by taking the kids it would be enableing her, but if that enables her then so be it. Why should the innocent kids suffer becasue she can't be enabled? To leave them in that environement only increases the chance that they will keep this cycle going when the get older, and no one wants that. JMO

kj3880

Yeah, this is really a tough one. Grandkids can always hook you back in. I don't see it as enabling to want to save grandkids from a life with an addict or a life in the system. No way could I let grandkids go to foster care. There are some good foster parents, but some really bad ones too. And nothing like your own Granny, that's for sure.

I would have to take them if I were you. I wouldn't want to do it all over again. I'm truly looking forward to retirement. But I know I would do it anyway.

And I have to add about suboxone: She is just being willful by selling her script. They really did take away all my bad cravings and make it really easy to detox. But then I went to NA almost every day too. I can't understand why she is blowing this valuable opportunity. Suboxone treatment is really pretty easy and nice, I thought when coupled with NA. We addicts can mess anything up I guess, if we don't turn it over to our higher power.

Good luck and happy Easter to you and Nick!

Angelic17

gotahavfaith, It's up to your daughter ,when she goes to a dentist or a doctor, she has to tell them she cannot take opiates. I know if I take one, the addiction flares right up, and then I'm back to full blown addiction. Addicts are compulsive, and when I had my tooth pulled in December, the doctor wanted to give me percocettes, and I had to turn them down. He did give me tylenol with codeine, and I never filled them. I worked at getting straight, and I never want to go through that again. I will not give up my recovery for anything, or anyone. I sure hope your daughter gets tough, and works on getting her addiction under control. It can be done. But, its up to her. She has to get sick and tired. Or get tired of being sick and tired. Eventually she will. Eventually every addict has to stop. It's just a matter of time. Tough Love works wonders. Don't enable. You might think your helping her, but your not. Don't give anything in active addiction. Only help in recovery. God Bless and Good Luck

devastated

My heart is breaking for you! All I can say is take care of those babies. I don't think it would be such a good idea for the AD to leave with them. They need to be safe, and that's were grandma comes in.

You know, maybe AD just had a "slip" that happens. The fact that she says she would feel like a failure if she quit school is a good sign that she really wants to be well.

I think I would give her one last chance to prove she is really trying, at least for the kids' sake. If she fails again, then you have to follow through with whatever your agreement with her was.

Were is the father in all this? Is he able to take the children?

Prayers & Hugs heading your way

Devastated

gotahavfaith

Hello again everyone.

Well I let myself get down in the dumps today. Called off work sick. I am sick, just not in the physical sense. Daughter was here this morning and feeling lousy. Cried all morning. I asked her what her plan was now. She doesn't know. I am watching these damn withdrawals again. I do not want to do this. She went to class but before she did I know she did call the local in-house treatment program in our area. I don't know what they came up with but I decided to call my lawyer to see what my options are about the kids. This is not fair to them to witness this crap. He hasn't called back yet, but I am going to get the info I need to deal with this.

I can't help her but I can help these kids.

Just really bummed out. There isn't a meeting until Wednesday, but boy could I use one today.

Gotahavfaith

devastated

Good for you for taking the steps necessary to take care of the kids. I don't blame you one bit for being tired of the merry-go-round. There comes a time when we all have to stop and get off of it!

You're right, it isn't fair for the kids, and since the AD can't see it, thank the Lord they have you.

You're braver and stronger than you know!! tHINGS ARE GOING TO BE BETTER REAL SOON! Do you know why? Because you've made the decision to make them better. I for one am very proud of you!

Hugs, Devastated

Nina Kay

I just want you to know that I care. This has to be so so hard. Just know that we are here for you. I know you want to just fix her and everything but you can't, but you are being very strong to take action to take care of what you can do. That's very smart.
((((((((((((((((Caring & Supportive Hugs)))))))))))))