12 steps
 

At what point did the 12 steps start to work for you? I have been going through the 12 steps for codependence and not really feeling alot better about anything...

Any thoughts????

Ok I am at step three but cant move forward because the minute I give it to God and start to feel really good about the decision I have made I wake up the next day scared and fearful and then take it right back.....

Its like a never ending cycle. I read meditate and get to a point of serenity and then its gone again. I am trying to hold onto it and trying to feel that release but its like breathing, in (serenity) out (fear).....

Step 3 is a continual daily step to work for me. If you're waiting till you get that one perfect before you move on to step 4, well, you may be waiting a very long time.

Steps 4 and 5 were huge for me, and I certainly didn't wait on those until I had perfected step 3 (which I never will) because there are days I still take it back and hand it over and take it back and...

Whew! So I'm not the only one? :rolleyes2

Me too!

I guess I didnt understand that. So its ok to keep picking it back up or not? Cause I think it only adds to preventing you from moving forward. How can I move on to the next step it I havent been able to accomplish the prior???

Sweetheart, step 3 is just "making a decision" to turn it over! Not totally turning everything over to God all the time. Nobody is perfect with turning stuff over. If you have the intent, then you are there with that step. Try praying every morning for God to guide you in your life and decisions and see how it goes. It's minute to minute for me on step 3!.

love,
KJ

It sounds to me that you have put Step 3 into practice. Not only have you made the DECISION but are actually turning over your will and life every day.

I wouldn't be so concerned about being stuck on this step. You have worked this step quite well IMO. Have you talked about this with your sponsor? It might be an issue to spend some time going over. I know that I couldn't do my fourth and fifth steps alone, I needed help (although I didn't get it from a sponsor as much as from a good independent third ear).

I've been working the steps for a loooonnnnggg time. The 4th one scares the hell out of me. I even bought a workbook for it.(HaHa). Then the 5th step tells me I have to actually TELL SOMEONE!!!! Whew, those 2 have me stuck.

:jail

I think we all give it away and take it back many, many times. The thing is to just keep giving it to HIM everyday, every minute if we have too.

Gotahavfaith

It's amazing how, after you complete the steps, they actually just start sneaking in your everyday affairs.


Her's an easy way to do Step 1, 2 and 3

I can't
He can
I'll let Him

Steps began to work for me when I began talking them over with my sponsor and began writing about them.

Cassandra, The steps started working for me at step 1 when I started working them.

We don't do the steps perfectly. On any given day, I can be as sick as day one. On any given day, I can embrace spiritual principles and apply the steps. On any given day, I can turn my day around, or not.

But to answer the question, I really started to see a difference in myself in working step 7 (sorry, but that's when i did!).

Sorry, you can't corner the market on that one! :lmao :lmao

I went to Alanon - there were no CoDa meetings near me - or Naranon.

My sponsor had me make two lists for step one - how I was powerless over alcohol (and the alcoholic) - and how MY life is unmanageable. I had lots on each list - and when I went over it with her, she shared some of her "crazies" and I added more to the lists.

I keep it tucked away in one of my books - and bring it out anytime I think I don't need God - or can't turn something over. It reminds me just where my best thinking (and plotting and planning) got me.

As has been suggested, step four really helped me see my part in things - and helped me look at who and what I really was. The Blueprint for Progress from Alanon is very good and very detailed. When I came into recovery, we only had the AA Big Book - that is another shorter way of doing a fourth step.

For me, the biggest relief/peacefulness/change in me - came from step nine. Where I went face to face with those I hurt (especially my family and the alcoholics in my life) and asked for forgiveness for my part (and didn't mention their behavior) and how could I make it right. It was cleaning up my mess - and I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. All of that stuff was now in the past.

The steps helped me get a path for me - a program for living - and kept me from obsessing about the alcoholics in my life - two ASs. I was as addicted to them as they were to drugs/alcohol.

Just keep plodding along - it has given many of us wonderful lives - whether or not the addicts ever get clean.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

:Val004:

P.S. My sponsor was the one that told me how to do the steps - and I was taught to write them. The first word in the first step is "we" - I was told that I didn't need to do these things alone anymore.

I started to notice that I was changing when I began talking honestly with a sponsor. It doesn't happen for me all at once, but a bit at a time.

KJ

Going to a mtg once a week.
Chatting regularly with a couple of close alanon pals, especially when in distress
Reading the literature

these actions help in conjunction with working the steps anew ea. yr.
Eventually what I learned by working the steps has become habitual. When I slip
I know it is time to get closer to the recovery process.