Son in recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 9
Son in recovery
My son is in recovery. Two weeks clean. He'll be leaving rehab in a few weeks with instructions for follow-up, ie. out-patient, NA, etc. How do I proceed? Do I let him come back home?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welome Crabtree
Wow...that is a tough question.
Personally, although I did let mine come home, I think I would have fared better had he landed somewhere else.
I had to do a LOT of work on me, to prevent me from trying to dictate his recovery.
He, of course, did not take a straight path, but did eventually find his way.
It was a very painful process for me.
He recently relapsed hard, but again, found a better path.
This time I was a bit better at handling it, but still look forward to the day that I am spared having to witness the process.
How do you feel about him coming home?
Wow...that is a tough question.
Personally, although I did let mine come home, I think I would have fared better had he landed somewhere else.
I had to do a LOT of work on me, to prevent me from trying to dictate his recovery.
He, of course, did not take a straight path, but did eventually find his way.
It was a very painful process for me.
He recently relapsed hard, but again, found a better path.
This time I was a bit better at handling it, but still look forward to the day that I am spared having to witness the process.
How do you feel about him coming home?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 9
Son in recovery
My son is 20. Along with the addiction he has type 1 diabetes. I want him to come home, but I'm afraid of him relapsing or my family and I going back to enabling him. I have younger children at home as well. I know they are looking to see how I handle the situation. My son seems to be genuinely invested in his recovery and unfortunately has no where else to go when the rehab is completed. He has no job and I know he will need something productive to do when he gets out. It is a pretty heavy dilemma. Thanks for any advice you can give.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Usually rehab's will have a recovery plan in mind, whether it be sober living quarters, or a plan for the family. Personnally I think sober living would be best, but then that could be because when my AD got out, she came home. Yikes.
The thing that we need to remember is that rehab is NOT the cure all. And that even though our "A" is now clean, their behaviors do not change overnite. Their continued sobriety will depend on their continuence of working a recovery program.
If you haven't already, I would find some alanon/naranon meetings and begin attending. There you will find experience, strength & hope.
Hugs,
Chris
The thing that we need to remember is that rehab is NOT the cure all. And that even though our "A" is now clean, their behaviors do not change overnite. Their continued sobriety will depend on their continuence of working a recovery program.
If you haven't already, I would find some alanon/naranon meetings and begin attending. There you will find experience, strength & hope.
Hugs,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Are there no sober living facilities in your area? Surely rehab can help him look at that option. At 20 years of age, he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet.
Sober living would help him transition by giving him a structured environment, and he would also be responsible for finding a job, attending meetings, etc.
Personally I would put the ball in his court, tell him as much as you'd like to have him home, it's not an option, and let him and his counselors work it out.
Sober living would help him transition by giving him a structured environment, and he would also be responsible for finding a job, attending meetings, etc.
Personally I would put the ball in his court, tell him as much as you'd like to have him home, it's not an option, and let him and his counselors work it out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
oh Miss - i just about fell on the floor - my son has type 1 diabetes too and i could post about a bilion things on here to you but i dont want to overwhelm you. its so very hard when they have another disease and as you well know drugs and diabetes do not mix at all. I gotta say even at 20 if they are not responsible its a tough one and its really hard on a mom who has been caring for their medical needs. but you have to have some strong boundaries on everything - using and diabetes.
is his diabetes in control? what age was he when he was diagnosed. what is his drug of choice?
he needs to continue recovery - he's not "fixed" and is going to have to work on this hard. you need recovery too - as moms who have cared for a medically needy child we have to fight our internal urges to keep taking care of them long after they want or need us to. I have had some counseling in this area and would be happy to share. Please feel free to PM me anytime - i'm sad that you are going through it but it is nice to know when others really understand what I'm going through. sometimes i start rambling in a post about blood sugars, insulin and glucagon shots and wonder how many people understand what the heck i'm talking about.
is his diabetes in control? what age was he when he was diagnosed. what is his drug of choice?
he needs to continue recovery - he's not "fixed" and is going to have to work on this hard. you need recovery too - as moms who have cared for a medically needy child we have to fight our internal urges to keep taking care of them long after they want or need us to. I have had some counseling in this area and would be happy to share. Please feel free to PM me anytime - i'm sad that you are going through it but it is nice to know when others really understand what I'm going through. sometimes i start rambling in a post about blood sugars, insulin and glucagon shots and wonder how many people understand what the heck i'm talking about.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by winnie12 
sometimes i start rambling in a post about blood sugars, insulin and glucagon shots and wonder how many people understand what the heck i'm talking about.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Hi Im Sharon and im an alcoholic.
My family interveined on me 18 yrs
ago sending me to rehab for 28 days
then a 6 week outpatiant aftercare
program.
I was about 30 yrs old then with 2 small
kids.
While away, my husband upon suggestion
removed all the alcohol from the house
and anything else that would tempt
me to drink.
Because i wanted this program more
than anything, it kept me from being
sent out of state to a halfway house
spending more time away from my little
ones.
I went to meeting after meeting listening
and absorbing and holding on to others
coattails till i was strong enough to
stand on my own.
My family never told me what to do.
This program was for me and i stayed
sober for me doing whatever i could
do to stay sober one day at a time.
Other programs were available to my
family where my husband went to maybe
1 or 2 alanon meetings and thought after
that he was part of a program.
Maybe if he would have stayed with it
then our 25 yr marriage would have been
saved, however sadly it wasnt.
Today im remarried happily to someone
in AA and we r living life one day at a time
built on honesty and trust.
My family interveined on me 18 yrs
ago sending me to rehab for 28 days
then a 6 week outpatiant aftercare
program.
I was about 30 yrs old then with 2 small
kids.
While away, my husband upon suggestion
removed all the alcohol from the house
and anything else that would tempt
me to drink.
Because i wanted this program more
than anything, it kept me from being
sent out of state to a halfway house
spending more time away from my little
ones.
I went to meeting after meeting listening
and absorbing and holding on to others
coattails till i was strong enough to
stand on my own.
My family never told me what to do.
This program was for me and i stayed
sober for me doing whatever i could
do to stay sober one day at a time.
Other programs were available to my
family where my husband went to maybe
1 or 2 alanon meetings and thought after
that he was part of a program.
Maybe if he would have stayed with it
then our 25 yr marriage would have been
saved, however sadly it wasnt.
Today im remarried happily to someone
in AA and we r living life one day at a time
built on honesty and trust.
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