MyJoey

What a Monday. Well let me back up, Sunday night Terra (my daughter) came over and wanted to put some burgundy highlights in my blondish/brown hair, well it turned out to be a pinkish/purple...not a normal hair color so this is how I had to face the judge in the morning. (Quit laughing) then on our way to court a lady side swiped us as she should have merged before coming into our lane, it was all her fault, but now of course she is changing her story (no fear there, the hit tells the story) her front bumper and our back panel, tells it was kind of hard for us to hit her. The whole night and morning was a roller coaster ride of emotions lots of crying. In court it seemed to take forever to read all the drug charges against him, but the judge was wonderful and told Joey he wanted to get him help. He ordered 9-12 months in rehab. He also warned us this may not be the bottom for him, I knew right then this judge knows about addiction. Joey being the addict he is, told the judge he honestly can't promise to stay clean but he will give it a shot. The judge told the probation officer that he wants to see him again in 6 months and that he personally wants to follow Joey's case. They let us stay with him, to say goodbye till they left for the rehab. In the afternoon I called the rehab and they told me Joey was checked in and doing fine. They were afraid of his level of drug use, afraid that he may detoxify pretty hard. If they need to they will take him to the hospital to detox for a few days and they want us to go up and sign some papers incase. Then last night they had him call home and he said he was fine. They told me I can call anytime, I want to check on him. He is allowed to call home 2 times a week and we can go see him on Sunday from 1-4 so I feel good about the place he is in. I really miss him. My husband was really a mess he cried like a baby before we left for court and had a hard time keeping it together the rest of the day. I just pray Joey don't blow it, he has so many people pulling for him. I wish he could see in himself, what we all see in him, he is a really neat person. Now I need to take time to work on getting myself prepared for the worst, if this don't work. As the judge told Joey if you come out and keep using with the number of charges against you, your next stop is death or jail.



Winnie, I am thinking and praying for you. I see how quickly things can change. I HATE ADDICTION!!!

winnie12

Oh Julie i feel your pain - seems like our son's are just walking the same path. I remember how difficult that first time was but I got through it and you will too. What i know of Joey from you, i dont think he will be as difficult as far as staying there - he seems to have more of a gentle nature then my son. It is going to be tough and things are going to start coming out which are going to be hard for everyone. It may not be bottom for him but when you're court ordered to rehab for that long it makes i hard to deny you have a problem so lets hope this is his bottom - with some people it is. The counselors deal with these kids and have heard it all - they usually just flash a knowing smile and keep moving forward. denial is pretty common in the beginning and especially on the first trip.

Be prepared for what comes next. We talked about this in group last friday. The go in either thinking they dont have a problem or have the illusion that they are just going to fly through it. Then they get angry and hate it there - will have all kinds of complaints about staff, the facility, anything and everything - they may even beg or threaten in an effort to get you to get them out (which you cant do when its court ordered) and they are very argumentative with the staff. They say that it takes at least three months for the reality to sink in and then they either get it and start working a program or they dont. Just stay strong in all of this because he needs your strength.

dont worry - just because my son runs doesnt mean your's will - most kids dont run. You're in my prayers too Julie - we'll get through this together.

MyJoey

(((Winnie)))
I am not worried about my son running, I am worried that your son ran and what is going to happen to him next. I just want our kids to be ok.

winnie12

There's always that chain them in the basement idea we had?????

Serenity Bound

(((Julie))) I just have to see a pic of those high-lites.

On the serious side, it really sounds like Joey was fortunate, to have an addiction understanding judge. One that wanted Joey to get help, not just jail time. It's a really good first step. One that I'm praying Joey embraces, and follows thru to the next steps.
Oh, it won't happen over nite, that's for sure, but "miracles do happen"

(((Winnie))) Both you & your son are in my thoughts and prayers also.

:ghug to both of you
Chris

rahsue

sometimes the rehab can stir some serious stuff up and an addict can see the big picture. I'll keep him in my prayers.

and I too would love to see that hair!!!!

NeedingHelp7

MyJoey,

May God step in and do for Joey what he can't do for himself right now. He's gonna need a lot of help through this detox it's very painful. I'm thankful the judge gave him this chance, and I'm glad the judge was honest and firm with him.
:praying

MyJoey

Thank you all. Addiction is a really rocky road, I have been on a roller coaster for two days of just crying and then feeling better. I think as much as I hate the city, I am going to go to a meeting, but not before my hair is fixed. LOL, hair it is much better today then it was yesterday, but still not right. Go see my album I posted two pictures. Yesterday Joey looked at me after court with my red swollen eyes and said don't cry mom, I just looked at him and said Joey, look at my hair.........you would cry to. He laughed. Going in at two to get it fixed. Daughter needs to finish school before her hands touch my hair again.

winnie12

I am SO laughing WITH you right now. i've had that exact same color in my hair but i had it all over - she used too much blue. i cant do the ashy colors or my hair will turn blue or green - been there and dont that several times. now i only use neutral colors - too much red and i'm orange - too blue and i get what you got.

NeedingHelp7

Great Pictures!! The hair isn't too bad! fixable. I grew up on dirtbikes too!! Fun!!

Hoping the best for that boy!!:praying

Serenity Bound

Julie, Actually your hair is not that bad, but I DO know the feeling. Many years ago, I dyed my hair, well it turned out pure black, I mean really fake, ugly black. I said no more, and would not go anywhere til it was fixed by a professional. Can't do ashes either. So when my H lost his job & I could no longer afford professional, I called my hairdresser & asked her what color to use. Was scared to death to do it myself, but the gray just had to go. Today the color looks good, but it hasn't been cut in a year. oh well

Hang in there, sweetie.

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

NeedingHelp7

What better head of hair to learn on than moms

Spiritual Seeker

Sounds like the "system" has gotten his attention and directing him toward change.

May he see this as the opportunity that it is.

Impurrfect

I'm glad he got an understand judge and rehab, with the understanding that it's up to HIM to take advantage of it. I agree with everyone else..it's going to take a while before it sinks in and he'll probably have all kinds of complaints for a while...typical teenager

Now's the time to take care of you, sweetie. He's in good hands.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

MyJoey

LOL, hair is back to a normal color. You know it is one of them things that never looks bad on someone else and if I was 20 I may think it was cool, but pink is really not my color these days. Plus, people that know my hair color really look at me strange, like you really wanted it like that?

With Joey I have spent so much time and energy on him that I feel drained. I do have his cell phone and can't help but read the messages coming in...."hey got any nuggets", I need to get it turned off. I really need to start working on me and my husband, things have gone down hill the last few weeks. We are just kind of strangers in the same house with the same son. Thank you all so much, I would have never learned as much as I have without you. I don't think Joey really sees this yet as an opportunity, but I am hopeful he will. I keep telling myself and this is for you also (winnie) it don't matter how much I worry, it will not change a thing. If I take all day, all my energy worrying, at the end of the day the out come will be the same as if I only gave myself a half hour a day to spend worrying about it. So that is what I am going to try to do, take a half hour to worry, think and then turn it off every time it pops in my head after that, knowing it will not help. Back in the 80s I remember a book called "Your Erroneous Zones' it was a self help book by Wayne Dryer. Really an awesome book and it really hit on all the worthless emotions we have that don't change a thing, one of them worrying. I need to find that book again.

MyJoey

Funny thing is she did my sons hair and my moms hair.....both of them look great. Highlights in both, but she used a cap on them. I think she had it out for me. LOL

winnie12

Sounds like its time for a little romance Julie - think of all those things you havent been able to do for years because you had kids around and do them now. You might find the two of you can become closer than ever because you've shared this pain together.

MyJoey

Chris,
Would you like me to send my daughter down? LOL Thats funny because right now she has the bottom part (under part) of hers black with black highlights....one of them things you have to be young to get away with. If you look at her pictures you can see how light her normal color is and her hair is really long. I will get a picture of it next time she stops over, it really looks pretty cool on her. I like it better the way it was, but it's not bad.

MyJoey

Romance? With? LOL I know we really need to do some work. I think my husband has really been feeling rejected and I haven't cared because I was so drained with Joey. I kind of felt angry that he was feeling needy of my time when he knew we had to deal with Joey. There was a few times we totally disagreed on how to handle things, or he said something that ticked me off. He has really had a hard time handling things with Joey and instead of showing him love he has just ignored him or said something nasty to him, I do understand how he feels. On the other hand I am all about no matter what Joey has or will do, I don't agree with it, but he always knows I love him. Don't get me wrong Joey knows his father very well and he knows he is loved, Joe just has a hard time talking to Joey about all of this, because it really hurts and Joey don't get it. March 18th was our anniversary (20 years) it was also the same day we had Joey arrested (3rd arrest) and not one of us said happy anniversary, it was just not a happy day to say it. It really is both of us and we need to work on it. I know we still love each other it just needs a tune up.

Serenity Bound

Julie, Hoping that tune-up is in the works for you guys.

I really do understand about your H, mine is the same way, he figured to ignore our daughter was to let her know how disappointed in her he was. Even when she went to rehab, willing, he just wouldn't give an inch. I think it is very hard for most men to accept the concept of separating the addiction from our kids, in other words not take it personally.

Hang in there, sweetie.

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

nah...I'm good to go with my hair color, but thanks for the thought. I think I'll wait til your daughter graduates. LOL