Aryana

Well it's been a couple of weeks since I've been here...If you don't know my story I have an addicted fiancee that violated parole and I moved back home while he decided what he wanted to do. Well he got arrested with new charges and put back in jail. He has been indited and he is facing more time.

Well I took everyones advice and I just focused on me and our children. When he went to prison he always asked me to send money and make sure i had the block taken off so he could call and of course i did. Well I didn't take the block off and I didn't send him any money. He has wrote a couple times and rold me that he isn't going to ask me for anything that he has to do this for him and to prove to me that he really wants his family. Here's the kicker in a two week time span he has worked hard enough to get trustee status in county (which is so unheard of) He has never done this he has always expected me to fend for him. Well as a trustee they give you 1 phone card and 25 dollars a week. He called and I did answer cuz it wasn't collect. (I figured he hustled it or something.) He told nme what he had done and I really didn't believe it. But I got a money order in the mail from him yesterday for 25 dollars. I just couldn't believe it. He called again today and he told me that he was going to send it to me every other week and he would keep one every other week so he could get hygeine and such.

I was shocked and amazed I have always taken care of all of us and even though it's only 50 a month it's a start. I pray that he keeps up with the transformation. He has gotten approved for a rehab and his lawyer is talking to the DA to see if he can go there instead of prison time again.

I did tell him that I would not let him move in with us that he had to get a place and prove to me that this is for good and not just a right now thing. He said that it was totally fine because he knows that he can do it.

I have such a joy from going to meetings and now this. I just don't want to get my hopes up to high.

Keep us in your prayers everyone and thanks for listening and all the great advice

Schana :ghug

Serenity Bound

I'm so happy to hear that you are going to meetings, that you are taking control of YOUR life. That's just wonderful!

Keep it up!

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

rose

Schana,

I would be so mind boggled with that....sending money he has earned from jail! When my husband was in jail I was sending $50.00 a week, plus he was making money in there. I once asked a guard if what I was sending was enough, he said your husband is what they call rich in here! Then raised his eyebrows at me...and said most of the inmates don't get a dime sent in...they survive well. My husband would call and say he could not have an coffee at night because it was so expensive...bla bla bla, I didn't beleive at that time it was bla bla and sent more money because I felt so bad. He manipulated me so bad. He was wheeling and dealing in there.

I don't believe on giving up on someone when they are truly trying, even if they are in jail, but he sounds like he is trying, that is really amazing that he is sending you 1/2. Not to say let the walls fall...you have great boundaries and he knows it. Many of us have boundaries and our addicts fight to break them.

I am not sure when he gets out, but I guess when he does and what he does will tell all.
Just keep strong with your belief and the road will keep going up!

Rose

Aryana

I am looking forward to seeing if I have a new job. Since I decided to move home and then get my own place I have to work full time. That is okay with me though. Things are going really good I am going to my meetings and I am keeping my boundaries with my Addicted Fiancee. He seems to be doing well he is going to meetings as well and he even started going to church. He hasn't even asked to move in when he gets out he said that he is going to get a house and do what he needs to do for him and when I fell it is the right time I can move back with him. I am praying he does all of this because I love him so much. My only question is how do you know when that time is if he actually does what he says he's going to do? :praying

Taking5

Anyone can act great - go to meetings and church - while they are locked up. It beats sitting around doing nothing. This is no accomplishment. None.

He could really have seen the light and mean business, but only time and his actions after he gets out will tell.

Aryana

I know this...My question was when he gets out and if he does do what he says he's going to do how long do you wait? Do I give it 6 moths a year what???

kj3880

Most people recommend that you give it at least a year. Let him work his steps on the outside with a sponsor and get a job and place. Let him court you, take you out for dinner. Have old-fashioned dates that end with just a kiss good-bye. Keep your boundaries up during this time and listen to your instincts. If you get sick of waiting and meet someone else while he's locked up, that's just the consequences of his actions. See how it goes. Anything could happen when he gets out. Most people are good in prison. There isn't much choice.

Love
KJ