Sometimes you just have to laugh

Old 04-02-2009, 11:26 AM
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Sometimes you just have to laugh

I do, in order to stay sane.

Hubby is some piece of work. Has chronic pain, bad back and neck, that part is true he does have some major problems and we have no insurance. He hurts on a daily basis worse than anyone ever has in the history of mankind, according to him that is....heard that before?

Hydrocordone for the pain
Antidepressant for depression
Ambien cuz he can't sleep
Lyrica for more pain control
Xanax for anxiety

He's a walking drug store.

Can't control how much he takes, gives meds to me & we set them up for daily pill boxes because he says he can't do it on his own. Usually here and there he finds where the extras are and gobbles away. Then he tells me about it later because he feels "guilty" and "doesn't want to be that way, or so he says.

I didn't cause this
I can't control it
I can't cure him

So what do I do?

If he gets into his meds he has to suffer when he runs out at the end of the month. I will not haul his arse to the ER because he messed up. Setting the pill boxes up is the most I will do. It's up to him.

My money is mine, he has no access to my account. Learned that one the hard way....

I go to Alanon every week, because if I don't I become a raving lunatic, he has started coming with me to go to the AA/NA meeting, was his choice, I never mentioned it.

I don't beleive everything he says, if he does do something helpful I say thank you, if he doesn't, then I am not disappointed because I didn't beleive it when he said it.

I make an effort to see the good, he's a good dad, and most of the time a decent husband. He has'nt crossed my boundries yet, I think he knows what will happen if he does. He does love me, as best he can, I do love him, as best as I can. I worry though that over time I may lose what love I have for him, when his actions finally chip away what is left. Then I will have to make some hard decisions.

Most of all, when the crap really hits the fan I have to laugh and let go & let god. Sometimes there just isn't any right answer. I tell myself I will not get spun up into his tornado. I refuse to.

Just wanted to share.

Teggie
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Old 04-02-2009, 02:08 PM
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Hubby is some piece of work. Has chronic pain, bad back and neck, that part is true he does have some major problems and we have no insurance. He hurts on a daily basis worse than anyone ever has in the history of mankind, according to him that is....heard that before?

Hydrocordone for the pain
Antidepressant for depression
Ambien cuz he can't sleep
Lyrica for more pain control
Xanax for anxiety

He's a walking drug store.

Can't control how much he takes, gives meds to me & we set them up for daily pill boxes because he says he can't do it on his own. Usually here and there he finds where the extras are and gobbles away. Then he tells me about it later because he feels "guilty" and "doesn't want to be that way, or so he says.
Are you married to MY ABF??? Sure sounds like it! Except the excuse he uses with me is that his KNEE hurts and his ankle. Not his neck & back. And my abf is no longer on xanax (but you can ad vyvanse to the list) as that led to some extremely bad situations. It was just a med that he could NOT control whatsoever. Walked around in zombie-land for months and ended up in 24 hour hold. And that dang pill holder. Those darn covers just pop open and then the pills fall out and get lost. You'd think they could make them better than that!

Isn't it sad when you want to believe the words, but those darn actions keep getting in the way? My abf told me last night, as he came to bed at 3:30 for about the 7th night in a row, that he promises he won't make a habit of it. I don't care anymore. Make a habit of it. One of these days we'll figure out that we deserve the whole anchalota...
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Old 04-02-2009, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by justtired View Post
My abf told me last night, as he came to bed at 3:30 for about the 7th night in a row, that he promises he won't make a habit of it. I don't care anymore.
Why do they do that anyway? I often wonder is hubby just sitting around waiting till me & the kids are all in bed to just get into his zone. He never used to be the night owl but this is one of the little things I have noticed that make me go WTF is that all about? He has even went to bed with us and then he actually SNEAKS back up when he thinks I am asleep!!! :wtf2
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Old 04-02-2009, 03:35 PM
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Either to do more drugs, or he can't sleep because of the pain pills. Common side effect. Good luck with all that. I'm so glad mine in an ex!

Love,
KJ
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:35 PM
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Premonition?

I posted this yesterday and last night I discover pills are missing, yet again. I stated to him, "Been in the pills again I see" at first he starts quacking out a story about how his friend needed to borrow some, I stopped him midway & stated I didn't care to hear the excuses. He then said he found where I put them and took them. I stated I was running out of ideas of where to put the damn things and asked him did he have web cams installed all over the place to track me?. He said fine, just give the monthes supply to him. I said "I could do that, but then you'd have to leave because I know what you'll do." (Last time he nearly overdosed and the time before he gobbled them in one weeks time and spent the rest of the month unable to hardly walk and screaming his way to the ER)

This is one of my boundries, if he chooses to take his meds on his own he has to leave because I refuse to subject the kids to that again. Somehow putting that ball in his court has kept him from doing that. For how long who knows?

Really gets me because he has been going to the AA/NA meetings on the night I go to Alanon, all of the while scarfing pills, I guess some AA/NA is better than none?

So what have I done? Read my daily readers, talked to my mom, did some cooking, took care of some tasks, lurked here, did my nails, worked on Mondays Alanon step study meeting. Tommorrow I will go to work. Just for today I have accomplished not making him the focus of my every thought.

So what have I not done? I haven't cried, screamed, ranted, yelled at the kids, kicked him out, (last time hurt our 8 yr old horribly) tried to reason with him (he's still dopey at this point so whats the use in that?)

He's trying to act like nothings happened (typical) & doesn't see why I back off when he gets all affectionate when I know he's still doped up. Ugggghhhhh

I realize addicts never make any sense.

I'll keep on till I can't take anymore or refuse to.

I symphatize with everyone here who is going through the same stuff.

Teggie
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:47 PM
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Really, it's amazing how much pain a human body can endure. I have a pain management specialist I see. I have degenerative disc disease. I don't take narcotics. Why? I'm a recovering addict. I go about every six months for a lovely set of about 8 injections into my tailbone. That knocks out the sciatica (sharp burning pain down into the legs) for 6 months. It doesn't knock out the lower back pain, but I'll live.

Mornings are the worst. I'm stiff when I get up. I get my glass of milk, take my aspirin, start moving around, then my cup of coffee. After the aspirin kicks in, it's tolerable. I have my orthopedic cushion I set on in front of the computer when I'm doing my college classes and surfing the net.

I usually adhere to the physical restrictions the doctor suggests so the pain isn't worse.

I'm still recuperating from major hernia surgery in January. Some days I get some pretty good pain on the right side, right where the muscle is sutured to the mesh. You know what? It eases up if I just go lay down a bit and take it easy.

It's amazing how much pain I 'think' I have if that's all I focus on. It's also amazing how little pain I have when I get busy with other things I need to do, and quit looking for the fix in the pill bottle.

Make any sense?
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Old 04-03-2009, 07:01 PM
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you sound good with what you are going thru. you will know when u have had enough. stick to your guns, that is the only way to stay sane. work your recovery. prayers
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Old 04-03-2009, 07:33 PM
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Teggy, my heart goes out to you. My AH is the same walking drug store only add high blood pressure meds, and periodic crack relapses, and now shrinking kidneys. I tried keeping track of the pill box thing 2 yrs ago, after he'd had a major catastrophic relapse. He didn't like it after the first 2 weeks. He blamed me I didn't sort the pills right into the dispenser, etc..(I can't control it). I really became scared of him being in our home. I couldn't handle it anymore (I can't cure it). He's been gone ever since. He now lives in an apt building for disabled people. It's been a difficult recovery for me but I'm getting better. You know when enough is enough. BTW...he's been going to meetings for 18 some odd years now.
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Old 04-04-2009, 06:45 AM
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. As I mentioned, I am in such a similar situation. ABF hasn't yet bought off the street or doctor shopped etc. Still just taking what he is prescribed... just not AS prescribed. The overly affectionate actions has got to be one of the most annoying things only made worse when they don't get why you don't want to be near them. That was a side-affect of the xanax mostly for my abf. He still gets like that to an extent, but nowhere near as bad as he was on xanax. Thinking back it still makes me cringe. Does your AH have prescriptions for all of the meds he's on? You said he doesn't have insurance and that has to be awfully expensive for you.
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:02 AM
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I am so lost

My sanity is on a tight rope right now & I feel as if I am going to fall off at any time.

I simply don't know how to proceed.

I had been helping him with the meds, setting pill boxes up, prob a stupid mistake I know.

He has been finding them and taking them. 2 days ago he hunted the house until he found them. I noticed when he was eating dinner that night and kept nodding off with food hanging out of his mouth.

I asked him if he had found them (duh) he said yes then I asked what did he do? Spend all day hunting for them? After he told me he would'nt? At that point I could'nt take it, I took the pills set them in his lap and said "I'm done with it."

I can't do it anymore, I have run out of places to hide them, it's a losing battle. I have been numb. I don't even know how to react.

The last two days have been hell. The night he admitted he had took them he had the nerve to try to approach me in bed that night and quickly got rebuffed.

Yesterday was easter & I pretty much ignored him all day, cooked dinner, egg hunt with the kids, took plates to my mom & sister who were stuck working. He spent the day totally gorked. Last night I found him sitting at the table, nodding off with all the kids choclate in front of him. He sat there eating choclate with his eyes closed. I went off for a moment and told him it was too bad they didn't sell Narcan (the stuff they give for overdoses) OTC because he sure looked like he needed it. Then I had a pissed off gorker on my hands who thinks he is doing nothing wrong whatsoever.Who had the nerve to tell me that I was wrong.

He stayed up all night in the living room, guess it sank into his drug soaked brain I didn't want him, stumbled around the bedroom at 0300 with a flashlight looking near his bedstand and where I had hid the pills in the closet prob looking for pills he thought he might have lost. I think he must have run thru a majority of them by now. He's passed out right now and snoring maybye 4 times a minute.

One of my boundries was that if he decided to manage his meds on his own he would need to leave. I am stuck now making a hard decision. We have a 8 yr old son who is crazy about his dad, it hurt him horribly the first time I kicked his dad out. It was terrible.

I am torn right now as to what to do. He will run out soon then there will be nothing because he can't refill them till 5/4.

Then he will be crawling around in pain and withdrawing.

I am the primary breadwinner, he can't "work" a normal job because of his back & neck, he does work here & there, countertops etc nothing consistent.

I have been paying for it all mostly, plus his PU payment sometimes I get a 100 or so from him on occassion He would say he pays it all back but he doesn't.

I am thinking I will stop paying for anything, no dr vists, no meds and make him do it. If he can't make the PU payment sell it.

My delimma right now is whether to make him leave when he has nowhere to go & no money or simply cut off finacial support.

Chances are he's going to get really nasty and I'll throw him out in anger.

I sound really stupid don't I? Whenever I think I might have a handle on something it kicks me in the face.

Thanks for reading. I have a meeting tonight. I'm sure I need it.

Teggie
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Teggie View Post
My sanity is on a tight rope right now & I feel as if I am going to fall off at any time.
stop, breathe in, breathe out, post, read, breathe in, breathe out
I had been helping him with the meds, setting pill boxes up, prob a stupid mistake I know.
we all make the mistake of thinking that we can Control addiction.
One of my boundries was that if he decided to manage his meds on his own he would need to leave. I am stuck now making a hard decision. We have a 8 yr old son who is crazy about his dad, it hurt him horribly the first time I kicked his dad out. It was terrible.
What is more important, your 8 yr old being upset, or your 8 yr old growing up in this type of environment.

Teggie
Hugs & Prayers,
Chris
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:53 AM
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I understand not wanting to throw someone out that is physically disabled. Have either of you looked into options for the indigent? Off the top of my head I can think of county hospitals because some of them have substance abuse programs. There are homeless shelters and there's the Salvation Army. Some rehabs offer free treatment, too, depending on a persons situation and determination.

The point is, he has options should you follow through on your boundary.

Your son is being traumatized by his environment and the lack of consistency. Children really do learn what they live.

You have my prayers.
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:28 AM
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(((Teggie)))

Wow............flashbacks. The scenes you describe are all too familiar. I tried dispensing the pills too. Didn't work out for me either.

Don't be hard on yourself. If the decision was an easy one to follow through with, many of us would have made it and moved on long ago. The thing is, enforcing your boundaries is a good thing...hard, difficult, wrenching, and even painful, but they can and do work out.

I say this because I didn't enforce mine for a really long time - so long that I enabled my AH and made it easier for him to fall deeper into his addiction. I'm not saying he didn't make his own choices or that I caused it - what I'm saying is I fixed his mistakes and helped hide his problem -- and because he didn't fully face his own consequences, he slipped further and further. He was so consumed by his addiction that he almost killed himself - more than once.

But I don't want to make this all about him.....following through with my boundary helped ME. It's strange because I was sooo scared of doing it for soooo long, but when I finally found my 'bottom' and walked out, some kind of calm came over me, as if I knew it was right even though my heart hurt so badly.

So I guess I hope you can make your decision without looking at the worst of what can happen but looking at the good that could come out of doing what you feel you need to do.......for you, your children, and even your AH.

No matter what choice you make, please be good to yourself.
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Old 04-13-2009, 08:50 PM
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Thank you all for the wisdom. I really, really appreciate it. Just got back from my meeting, we worked step 3 and did alot of sharing. It was good for my soul.

I have decided to let go and let god. I realize I can't handle this alone & I feel like a rash decision on my part may not be the best thing. I know I need to make some hard decisions but I am hoping for some insight from my HP to lead my way.

Today has been better, somewhat. He stayed out of the house most of the day. Doing what, who knows, I'm not checking up on him. Did come in this am and ask me if I still had any of his pills. I said, no I don't, I said I was done with that & have no reason to have them. I did suggest that since he's been stealing them for weeks perhaps he took them? He asked me again this evening and I gave him the same answer. He wasn't quite as gorked tonight but I don't think by his choice.

Evidently he is already running low so he's facing a good two weeks of withdrawel. Although he says he didn't take them & has all but said I did. Thats a joke.... And he asked why I am not talking to him, I said well you've been pretty out of it the last few days and at this moment I don't have anything to say. So he stomped off.

I guess I am the evil one now.

I do know there are consequences to the actions that we do & unfortunatly for him he's fixing to get that check handed to him.

I did make one decision, I won't pay for his next refill. Or his next doctor visit, it hasn't come up yet so I haven't told him but I will soon & if a blowup is going to happen I would imagine thats when it will be.

I have to make some decisions soon, I figure when he knows I won't pay for his meds/dr anymore he may decide to leave on his own. Or it may get worse & I'll ask him to leave.

To hope he'll go into treatment is unrealistic I feel, after all he has no problem & I am crazy.

Thanks for letting me vent, it really helps to come here and speak my mind, or whats left of it.

Hugs,
Teggie
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Old 04-14-2009, 08:03 AM
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((Teggie))

I am not familiar with Texas Laws - BUT I am very familiar with Louisiana Laws.

Sweetie, you may want to see an atty just to find out some of your legal rights and what you can do NOW to protect you.

You see, you are right where I have been in the past. I finally got out of that situation but I am in the middle of an U G L Y divorce and facing financial ruin because of his lack of work and financial responsibilities. I'm facing the possibility of paying him spousal support, 1/2 the assets and 1/2 my retirement - all because of his "inability" to work.
Which in my ex's case - he could work if he would just stay clean and sober.

I have lived that life that you are living today - being woke up in the middle of the nite - searching for hidden pills - passing out in plates of food - binging on sweets - accusations of me stealing his rx's - falling asleeping while smoking cigs - miserable, painful, stressful life.

I tried for over 16 yrs to "help" - five of those years were while active in Al-Anon, my ex was also attending AA off and on for over 5 of those years too. What I have learned in recovery - is it is OK to take care of me. And that someday, somehow - prayerfully he can learn to take care of himself.

The hardest lesson has been that he is NOT grateful for anything that I did for him during those 16 plus yrs of marriage - HE ONLY WANTS MORE. He feels he is intitled to that continued support even tho we aren't living together anymore and our legal system may very well give it to him.

So please, my friend, whether you stay or whether you go - look into what you can do to protect yourself and your future.

HUGS,
Rita
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:20 PM
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Thank you my friends, I have been on this site more today than anyday. I have even ventured into other areas and received some good words of wisdom.

I broke the silence that has been in effect since this last episode started. I told him today I would not be paying for the narcs, the dr visits or his ER bills (made when he went thru meds & was withouut & in acute pain.) I said he was on his own there but if the behavior occurred again he would need to leave.

He asked if I wanted him to leave and I said he needed to do what he needed to do. I was then asked if I would manage the meds again only this time keep the extras at a relatives house. I said no, I was done with it & would not do that.

He then said he didn't know what to do because of the pain and his need for pain managment & inabilty to control meds. I said he would need to figure that out but that I had heard of peeps who were addicts with chronic pain having pain control through non narcotic means.

He's a smart man, he should be able to figure out what it is he needs to do. Hes going to have to.

I said the kids are my main concern and I said any repeats of his recent behavior would result in him leaving.

I have said the serenity prayer over & over today.

I'm hangin in there, as long as I remember I only have to handle today.

Thanks
Teggie
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:35 PM
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prayers and big hugs to you, Teggie!
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Old 04-15-2009, 01:37 PM
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Good for you Teggie. Keep setting those boundaries and stick to them! I'm glad for you that he has admitted that he can't control how he takes his meds. At least he is admitting to having a problem. I hope for both yours and his sake that he will now seek out for himself the help he needs. I'm glad you've been doing a lot of reading here. I know it's helped me tremendously just reading what others are going through and how they respond.
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Old 04-16-2009, 05:47 AM
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Teggie, how long has your husband been on his meds and what is he prescribed? The reason I ask is that my husband is also on pain meds from the dr and he is in the beginning stages of abusing them. He was taking about six 7.5 vicodin but insisted that he was taking only two a day. I have no idea how many he is taking now since he says that he didnt go for his last two appt's but my gut tells me he is still taking them. Time will tell.

We are not at the point where I am seeing him fall asleep in his food but I know that it will get there unless he gets serious about recovery. I just wonder about the time frame and I am always looking for some way to gauge the speed of his addiction.
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Old 04-16-2009, 08:04 AM
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(((Suspicious)))

My AH has been on Hydrocordone on & off for about 5 years. This last time started about 3 years ago.

Overall I think AH has prob been taking about 10 of the Hydro 10mg a day. And with this recent episode he may have taken much more. I see it as kinda a binge type thing, he goes off and just takes takes & takes.

If your feeling there is a problem then there prob is. And it will prob spiral out of control because addiction is a horrible disease. We have to remember the 3 C's

We didn't CAUSE it
We can't CONTROL it
We can't CURE it

At this point I have set a boundry down. I will not pay for his meds, dr visits anymore. He will have to do that himself. And I stated that if he repeated his recent behaviour he would need to leave. I told him I am getting off this rollercoaster. I am having to let go & let god. If he hits bottom then he has to decide what to do. I can't do it for him all I can do is protect myself & our kids from the fallout.

I can't say how well this will go, I told him this yesterday afternoon and since then the following has happened.

He asked me if he had the pharmacist only dispense the pills a week at a time would I help him. I said no.

He got 15.00 from doing a repair for a neighbor and asked me if I would keep it to go towards his meds & I said no.

He apologized to the kids. If anything it seemed to bother him the most that the kids had saw his behaviour & were afraid of it.

Last night he tossed and turned all night. I figure withdrawels are here.

This am he is gone somewhere. The first thing I thought was "what is he doing now?" "is he off begging from lowlife friends?" Then I stopped myself, it's not my burden, I gave it to my Higher Power.

If your not in Alanon or Narcanon this is an awesome place to be, but going to some face to face meetings will help so much. I hang out here and go to my meetings. At my meeting Monday I broke down & cried, my fellow members all hugged me & I really felt the love.

Hang in there & I wish you much strength for what you may have to endure.

Teggie
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