Sarahspeaks

I've been something of a lurker here having only posted a few times so if I'm in the wrong forum please direct me where I need to go. I posted here once about one of my other kids last year and you were all so supportive I thought I'd come back with my new question. Apparently this runs in the family ...... but I already knew that !

I have a daughter I believe may be addicted to coke. She says I have nothing to worry about ... she is a "recreational" user and only does it very occasionally. Is this possible? Can you do this drug occasionally and not be addicted to it? I don't think so based on my limited knowledge.

And what do withdrawl symtoms from cocaine look like? If you did only use once a week or even once a month does your body crave it in between using?

Thanks for your comments ........ I'm pretty scared she's in trouble!

Sarah

Freedom1990

Addicts aren't known for their honesty.

The thing is you didn't cause her addiction, you can't control it, nor can you cure it.

What you can do is get support for yourself. Educate yourself on addiction. Find face to face support for yourself either through Naranon or Alanon (which is more widely available). "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is an excellent starter book.

I have a 31 year old daughter who's an addict/alcoholic. She'll be the first to tell you she doesn't have a problem, despite the fact she's been in jail several times, has a felony record now, has lost custody of her children, overdosed in front of her children, has moved countless times because she keeps getting evicted, the list is endless.

We have extremely limited contact these days. In spite of the poor choices she continues to make in her life, I am reasonably happy, my life is full, and I sleep well at night knowing I have placed her in God's hands. He has a plan for her, and I work hard at staying out of his way.

Please keep posting, continue asking any questions you have, and I am sorry for what has brought you here again.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

maryedward

Hi Sarah
In my experience, Cocaine is extremely addictive. There are no withdrawl symptoms that are physical, just emotional. You may notice your daughter being jumpy, nervous, not keeping regular hours.....also her money will be dissappearing. I wish you luck, this is a terrible disease. I will pray for you and your daughter.

outtolunch

Is this the same daughter that has access to your checking account?

Does it make any sense to rethink this, regardless of drugs?

MrsMagoo

I think people are often predisposed to addiction or have addictive personalities. I smoke ciggarettes and I'm addicted to them. Back in the 90's and again around 2004, I did coke every weekend. It was never a problem for me or my ex-boyfriend. We would get antsy on Friday night but after that, if it didn't happen, it just didn't happen and once it was gone it was gone.

I know not everybody is like that. We are probably a slim part of the population. I (personally) think coke is more psychologically addicting than physically addicting. Sometimes when I have ALOT to do I will joke that a gram of coke would come in handy right now but it's a joke and not anything I would do at this juncture in my life. It costs too much, it's illegal and it's just not good enough for me to risk my home, my job and my kids over.

(((HUGS))) Welcome to SR. Keep posting.

hello-kitty

Coke was not a problem for me until I decided it was a problem. I described myself as a recreational user. I used every weekend... is that really recreational? Then I used during the week too. Then I was using a little a work. Not because I was addicted... (so I told myself)... but because I was exhausted from using coke all the time and never sleeping. IMO, any coke is really too much coke. It is after all, illegal and dangerous. It's bad for you. It's expensive "recreation". It destroys your health. Dangerous criminals sell it and steal for it. And did I mention it was illegal? Try telling a cop finds you with an 8ball in your purse and a straw in your pocket not to arrest you because it's just for recreational use.

Why in the world would your daughter expect you to believe that she is ok because she only uses recreationally? Come on. Even if she's not addicted to it. Does that make it ok with you?

People who use coke have problems dealing with reality. They want to be high because it makes them feel better than being sober. Thats not ok. That's a sickness. Even if youre not addicted to it. They won't know whether or not they are an addict until they try to quit and can't, but that doesn't mean it isn't running their life.

Coke is a dangerous drug and highly addicted. If she's not an addict now she will be soon enough if she doesn't quit. She's playing russian roullette.

hope213

i have a problem with anyone doing a drug. if it is not a problem to them it will become a problem for them. welcome to S.R., keep coming back. hugs & prayers,

Sarahspeaks

Thank you all so much for your support ...... at the moment my daughter has cut off all contact with us but I continue to email her for my sanity! If she reads them she does .... if not ... whatever ...

My biggest fear is that because she has always had a stubborn streak and been somewhat judgmental she is going to have a much harder time admitting this is a problem for her ... god forbid she has any weakness .. like the rest of us!

And in response to Outtolunch about the bank account ..... I only have access to her account not she to mine .... so I understand what you were saying .... I have joint accounts with all my kids ... we set it up that way so if they ever needed something in a pinch I would be able to put money in their account ..... she has no access to anything of mine! It wouldn't be much of an advantage anyhow.... we're always broke ....

Thanks again everyone!!

Sarah

lostparent

Might want to re think the joint account. My husband had one with our AD she over drew the account an when the bank couldn't get the money from her they went after my husband.. Just something to think about.

rose

I would for sure take my name of the bank account. I left an account open with myself and my ex-ah...only because every three months I had a deposit that just went auto in there...I never really gave it any concern, there was nothing there for him to get. I really don't know how he discovered that we still had this account open, but he did and got a bank card to it, he went one night to the bank machine and put in that he was depositing $500.00, he never put a cheque in the envolope, but tried to get money out. Lucky the bank had a flag on him because of crap that he had pulled previous. But had he not had this flag, he could have taken money out with just putting in that he was depositing. I would have been responsible for it. The only reason I found out, is I was online banking and I noticed this deposit and then some comment that I did not understand. I called the bank here and they told me to call the bank in the city that it happened...I did and boy oh boy this woman just laid into me, she just was not taking "I didn't" for an answer.

Even a year later I was having some money problems and went to the bank to talk to the manager, she was really sturn with me at the beginning and said well there is this red flag on your account, putting an empty envolope in the bank machine. He caused me crap that I didn't do and had to get myself out of.

Just get your name off the account.

My husband as well has this stubborn streak, really STRONG HEADED. He was hard to deal with without the drugs, this traight really stuck out like a sore thumb on the drugs.

Rose

sleepygoat

Yes, people can use cocaine recreationally. I had many friends growing up who used many drugs and went on to have normal lives. I was the addict, not them. Not everyone who gets high is an addict. however, if you see major personality change, money disappearing, lies, lies, and more lies, theatrics, more than the usual manipulation, lots of weight loss, stuff like that - then you can be sure they are an addict. I hope this is not the case for you; can't imagine having 2 kids with this awful disease - my one AD is a constant source of pain, if I let myself go there.

marle

I have to reiterate the advice about taking your name off of her account. My daughter had an account at the same bank that I have banked with for years. Two summers ago during a time when I was able to let go of my daughter's addiction and find serenity I went to the bank to deposit a check. There was a hold on my account because my daughter had cashed a check and the check had bounced. Since she had no money in her account and I was on her account (same reason as you have) they had flagged my account. Since they know me at the bank, they asked me if I wanted to be taken off of her account and I told them please take me off. No damage was done to my credit, but it took away my serenity for a while after it happened. I have found that with addicts, the less you know about their personal business, the more peace you will find for yourself. That is not the same as protecting yourself. It just means to stay on your side of the street and let them be responsible for theirs. Hugs, Marle

P.S. Any money you put into her account will be helping to feed her recreational use if that is what it is, so you really have no need to be on her account.

Sarahspeaks

My daughter is staying with her boyfriend and his Dad while we are going through this whole ordeal - she was living with my other daughter - he is the source of her problem I believe. Recently I've come to know he has been dabbling in the drug scene all along (sure had me fooled) and its been the reason for numerous break ups over the past year! Anyway he called me yesterday to tell me how very very angry he was for being made to look like the bad guy and what is it I want from them "you want us to stop dating .....do you want us to quit ... then we'll quit??" .... wtf .... Yes I want you to quit ... yes I want her to move back in with her sister and yes ... put some space between each other so they can both attempt a sober life and get back on track .....

I guess I've ramped up from being more than a little scared now .....he's a manipulator and he has my daughter in his grasp. It's so ironic .... I actually liked him and thought he really loved her ..... there is nothing I hate worse than being played for the fool!

Sarah

Sarahspeaks

I'm definitely going to rethink the bank account! Thanks for giving me some food for thought!

I think my heart is breaking ..... I don't know how I'm going to get through this! She's of legal age so my hands are pretty much tied legally ..... am I right about that? Thanks again for your support!

Sarah

rose

Sarah,

With her being of Legal Age is a goodthing, you are not responsible for any trouble she gets into. Really your hands were tied even when she was under age.

Rose

marle

The boyfriend is not the source of her problems. The drugs are. No one can force another person to use drugs. No one can make another person an addict. That is an inside job. Blaming him for her problems just allows her not to take responsibility for them. My daughter lived with a man who was 17 years her senior, made a 6 figure income and supplied my daughter with all of her drugs. When she was ready, she walked aways from him and found recovery. Your daughter will do the same if and when she is ready. One thing to remember is that if she breaks up with this boyfriend and she still wants to use, she may just find another boyfriend and he may be even worse. So try to stay out of it and let her figure it out. I always found that when I became involved it ended up worse than if I had left things alone and let my daughter figure it out for herself. Hug and prayers because I know how hard it is and how helpless you feel. Marle

winnie12

"Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."

When my son first started getting into trouble everyone told me "he's just hanging out with the wrong croud." As time went on i had to honestly ask myself if maybe HE was the wrong croud that everyone talked about.

People will radiate to those they have things in common with - sure we have some influence over each other but in the end we have free will and do things that WE want to do. If she was adverse to this lifestyle or drugs then she wouldnt be with him. Blaming it on her bf or telling her to stay away from him will only push her further towards him. IMHO stop focusing on the bf and be honest with yourself at who your daughter is right now. My son has some friends that I despise because he always gets into trouble with them but i know its my son's fault not theirs. I dont like them because they trigger my fear but if my son chooses to hang out with them then its because he IS like them. You cannot control who they choose to be friends with or who they choose to love.

Sarahspeaks

I know ..... I know you're right ...... he was using when she first hooked up with him so she knew what she was dealing with from the get go. In truth I don't blame him for her problem ..... I don't !

How does it happen that the same child who turned her sister in to me last year is now on the other side a year later ... its so bizarre .... I can't get my head around this!! It must be an incredibly seductive drug. Her sister didn't speak to her for over 2 months after that episode ..... when they finally reconciled I was so relieved .... and now here we are again a year later only the roles have reversed .... its unbelievable to me ..............

Sarah

winnie12

Shoot Sarah - how do any of the changes occur in us? I've found that almost everything I said I would "never do" when i was young I ended up doing. We get older, we experience more, we get in situations, we rationalize things, we just take a different path - in other words we're human and we make mistakes - some mistakes we enjoy and so we make them over and over again.

marle

My daughter used to tell me all about the people who were doing drugs. I didn't know that she was using also. Your daughter might have turned in her sister to keep the heat off from herself. She may have been using at the time too but was just good at keeping it a secret like my daughter was. Hugs, Marle