dslalonde

Hello everyone,
Just my daily log on. thanks for everyone who responded yesterday. You guys do not have any clue what wonders you do for me. I still cry, but you guys are so kind and caring. My 19 year old is still missing. No word. We did a call from an old friend of his, saying they had heard from him on Sat. which is good news, we know he was alive as of Sat. Today is a better day for me. Feel a little stronger and slept better last night. Trying not to think of this as it is consuming. I was on the chat site yesterday afternoon and was fishing for info on the what's and why's of certain drug addictions. As you know the chat site i think is great, but way busy, but i got what i needed.
I would like feed back on this, if possible.
One of the things one former addict singled me out and really explained alot of the addiction process and gave me this advice.
Get rid of the supplier. Do you know who it is? I replied, i knew exactly who she was. And he told me to turn her in.
Let me explain a little of this, she is a 42 year old woman, (looks 20) ex NIKE model, slender, petite, and fell in love with my son immediately when he arrived to Calfornia. "older Woman", I thought at first, but very soon realized she was an extreeme junkie and dealer. this led to many fights with my son, but she would not let go. I even confronted her (which is so not like me) but anyway, something i have not considered. I do not want to blame anyone for my son's behavior, although, I do know for a fact that she is his supplier and lover. And a woman that age can have alot of influence of a young man.
And maybe i would save another young man from her grip. Please give me your input on this.

lagrutke

My AS is my 18 yo son. We "harrassed" anyone that was giving my son shelter or he was doing drugs with. We contacted the police and gave them names, our son among them. My son helped with this by actually stealing from his friends so it did not take too long (a couple of months) before he isolated himself. However, we did have some response to our harrassing. A number of windows on my AS truck were smashed. My AS now only has 1 friend left that has anything to do with him. He has no money, no job, and no car. He has actually been working hard at going into the armed services. He has no record (yet) and just needs to be able to pass the physical requirements. His "actions" in the past few weeks have shown him to be serious about enlistment. We take it one day at a time.

Good luck!

Serenity Bound

IMO, for each dealer turned in, three more appear.

Years ago, I had thought about turning in my AD's dealer, what held me back was fear, these are NOT nice people.

Good Luck & God Bless.

MyJoey

Good luck with that, we told the police everyone my son was getting drugs from, we even let them take his cell phone to down load the texts, asking my son to buy or sell drugs. It takes more then reporting someone to get them arrested. If you do go that route make sure to report to the drug task force, not just the local police. I know this has been hard for you, but even if she is arrested there are dealers a dime a dozen on every corner. He will just find a new supplier. While I am all for getting them busted it just don't seem to work out that way when their reported. Police need to get someone on the inside to buy from the dealer, that takes time to set up. I do agree a woman that age can have a strong influence in a young mans life, but I think the drugs are the bigger influence here. I hope your son hits his bottom soon, I know how heart breaking this is. He maybe just trying to stay away to worry you, hoping when he sees you that you will break down and ask him to come home. You have to just stick to your plan and make him do this on his own. When you feel bad that you have kicked him out, think about him over dosing at home because you enabled him. I don't mean that to hurt you, but by making it easy for him he will never want to change. My son will go to court on Monday and if the judge approves he will be placed for 9-12 months in a rehab residential house, he is only 17 and he don't want to go, but he knows he has to or spend his time in detention. In my heart, I know he will not make it, or he will come out and go right back to what he has been doing because he has not hit his bottom, this is being forced on him because of his age. I pray that we all find peace with what we have to do, because we don't have many choices here.

Impurrfect

When I was smoking crack, I had no less than 10 "boys" I could get it from. When one got arrested, there were plenty more to get it from. Not only that, but the ones that were arrested, were often back on the streets in no time...usually the same day. Some did more time, but they came back and picked up where they left off.

I never had to deal with anyone being "snitched" on, but I do know of people having windows broken, tires slashed, sugar put in gas tanks, etc. While all this could be happening to YOU, your son very well could have found another dealer.

The dealer is not the problem, sweetie, the dope is. Yes, he gets it FROM the dealer, but there are literally hundreds and hundreds of dealers where I live. Heck, I WORK with a kid who used to sell it..take him home at night, and kids in his apt. complex try to sell it to me as I'm leaving. I don't even have to LOOK for it. Crack literally comes to me if I want it.

I don't want it. I'm in recovery. I hit bottom because I hit bottom, and most of that was facing the consequences on my own. I isolated myself from my family, just as your son is doing. I did this for over 2 years. I put my family through hell, and I'm not proud of it, but it let me hit my bottom, and find my way into recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Freedom1990

Where there's a will, there's a way. The addict will get the drug.

There's a saying in the druggie world, "snitches end up in ditches."

I'd be very careful in considering what you are doing. People are connected to other people and you have no idea what can of worms you may be opening up.

Just my two cents.

dslalonde

thanks everyone,
again, you guys are a wealth of information. As i said before, i do not blame her for his addiction, but i do realize the influence and now addiction. I guess it is hard for me to believe there is such evil in this world. I do not surround myself with it, life is hard enough without creating chaos and evil. And you guys are right, my husband and I do not need to go thru any anymosity with drug dealers. Dealing with my son is enough. We are such gentle people, who raised three boys since 18, put ourselves thru school, worked extreemly hard to give our children the very best in life and happiness. I will abide by the majority. I keep thinking I could do more, but you guys are keeping me on the right path. I want to call and to locate him, talk to him, etc. but i haven't. I will let him come to us. thank all of you
Susan

Freedom1990

Susan, when I find my heart hurting, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and I envision this big pair of loving hands. I take all my troubles, all my pain, and I put it into those big loving hands of God, or a higher power if you will, and I let him have them. I've placed my oldest AD in those hands often.

That has helped me many times over the years.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

hello-kitty

There's plenty more suppliers where that one came from.

It's a bummer but it's true. There's nothing you can do to stop him from using drugs. When he's done, he'll quit.

It might feel good to "get rid of her" but it will be a wasted effort. Unfortunately.

hope213

let it go, let go & let God.their are other dealers & this could be dangerous for you & for him. prayers,

numbfrommyson

Goodmorning!
I am new to this site and have posted my intro. My son is addicted to heroin. As I sit here typing I have a picture of him when he was 5 yrs. old on the beach with his sun bleached hair squinting into the sun. Who would've known?
My husband & I just put him in detox, for the 2nd time, Wed. I have been heartbroken and physically sick, but I need to realize that he is not my "little boy" anymore. He is a 21 yr. old heroin addict. I still love him and always will. He will always remain my boy!
I thank God I came across this site yesterday. I was slowly falling into a deep depression.
I felt the same about getting rid of the dealer. I, too, know who she is and where she lives. She actually was in my home one day and I didn't know it was her at that time. When I was told who she was I went after her. I went to her house and banged on the door. Her son & daughter answered. They told me she wasn't home. I guess that was a good thing. She does know I'm working on getting her out of here though. I was told by my daughter's boyfriend not to pursue this. She alone may not be dangerous, but she gets her drugs to sell from someone else who is very dangerous. After many weeks of being stubborn and frustrated I let it go, although it is still in the back of my mind.
It is true that if she gets put away, there's always someone else out there and an addict will find them!
I have had the cops over and even spoke with the DEA from where we live. They at first wanted my son to buy undercover after he came home from detox the first time. It sounded good, but then I thought of the dangers. My daughters live in the city also and there was too much to compromise. The DEA then decided before me not to use him because of the danger to him. Anyway, they told me that they first have to build a case against these dealers. I will never understand this! The cops & DEA know who these people are, where they live, and even took my son to the ER one night from OD'ing. They still didn't do anything about this woman! I think they will when it's one of their children! I think of all the younger kids who are going to become prisoners of this drug and many other drugs all because these dealers are allowed to live in our neighborhoods and entertain these kids. I do believe the laws must change!
As for the boys you've raised and where you live...drugs are non-discrimanatory. They don't care if you live in an upscale, white neighborhood, or in the inner city. It's everywhere and will consume anyone!
I will pray for your son and please pray for mine!
The Bible is the only Book helping me through this, and I'm just beginning. I know times are going to much tougher when he comes home and we have to activate our plan of action because he'll be cleaned up and be my son again. That's when it's hard to let him go!

Katyrose

Numbfrommyson, I just want to say that I know what you are going through and I'm sorry. Did your 21-yr old son want to detox? Because if he really does not want to give up this drug, nothing will make him do it. You're talking about a very powerful drug that takes over a person's will, a drug that people die for. My son died from a heroin overdose on Sep 4, 2008. He went through rehabs too and knew where to go if he wanted to get clean, but he was so addicted, chose the drug instead.

I would not get involved with the dealers. I'm sure your son knows a few. When one isn't available, there is always another. Keep safe, my friend.

I hope it works out for you and your son. This is a wonderful site to come to, and will help you to realize that you have to take care of yourself, and your son will take care of himself, whichever way he chooses. If he really wants sobriety, he will find it and keep it. My prayers are with you.

Love,
Joey's mum
Katy

winnie12

I just want to chime in one thing and this is no way being critical of anyone on here who also suffers from addiction but I've noticed a few times when we get "visits" from addicts that they may not direct us in the right place because they may be in their own addictions and thinking as addicts do that if WE did something then they could quit. Its like asking directions from someone who is lost themselves. I'm not saying we cannot learn from a recovering addict but it may be best to determine how far along their own recovery is first.

According to one report: "An estimated 20.4 million people in the United States used some kind of illicit drug in the past 30 days, according to the latest government statistics. About 8.3 percent of all persons age 12 and over are involved in use of illegal drugs or the nonmedical use of prescription drugs."

how you going to keep him away from ALL those people?

Jody Hepler

When my son was in rehab, the dealers kept calling our house demanding money that they were owed - and kept driving by our house. And threatening to burn it down.

I wouldn't be messing with them.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler