Back from my Travels
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Back from my Travels
Hi everyone. Scarlet is back from her travels! And, believe it or not, I made it there and back safe and sound. For those who didn't read my vacation thread, I went on a solo road trip and my dad and bf were overly worried about me going alone. My rottie came with and we had a really good time. The trip was sooo relaxing and it was really good for me to be reminded of how "normal" people live. You get very used to what is in your daily life, and somehow it's easy just to adjust to it and come to accept it.
Anyway, other than my awesome vacation, I have other news that I would like some opinions on. During a conversation with my abf a couple days before I was leaving, he had told me that he "knows his tendencies" and understands my worries about him and the pills. So the next day he had an appointment with the psychologist and tells him that since he's going to be on a pain med for the rest of his life, he would like to try going on suboxone. So part of me was happy that he suggested this, but part of me is not sure. I'm not sure if suboxone will be of any help if he's on it "to help calm my fears" and not because he understands that he has a problem. He said that this is something he can do and he can't imagine not trying everything to make things work between us.
I left on vacation with some hope. Had a great time and almost let myself believe that when i came home things would be all better. I felt like with my new-found energy that i could make anything happen. Then, when I walked in the door, something didn't quite seem right. He said he was really tired because he had worked until 7:00 in the morning and had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep. But he was slow. Laughed at weird things. Just wasn't himself. Then, later, he tells me that he's "missing" 10 sleeping pills and he must have "dumped" them. I keep telling him that he needs to be more careful because he sure seems to dump his pills often. So, now it looks like we can add another pill to the ones he's abusing. Nothing like a slap in the face back to reality. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't have expected any less. On the brighter side, I found my old self while I was away. And I'm not willing to sink back into the tiredness that I had before. It reminded me how good it feels to do something for myself and to just feel good in general. I'd say my vacation was a huge success and Im soooo glad I went!!!
Anyway, other than my awesome vacation, I have other news that I would like some opinions on. During a conversation with my abf a couple days before I was leaving, he had told me that he "knows his tendencies" and understands my worries about him and the pills. So the next day he had an appointment with the psychologist and tells him that since he's going to be on a pain med for the rest of his life, he would like to try going on suboxone. So part of me was happy that he suggested this, but part of me is not sure. I'm not sure if suboxone will be of any help if he's on it "to help calm my fears" and not because he understands that he has a problem. He said that this is something he can do and he can't imagine not trying everything to make things work between us.
I left on vacation with some hope. Had a great time and almost let myself believe that when i came home things would be all better. I felt like with my new-found energy that i could make anything happen. Then, when I walked in the door, something didn't quite seem right. He said he was really tired because he had worked until 7:00 in the morning and had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep. But he was slow. Laughed at weird things. Just wasn't himself. Then, later, he tells me that he's "missing" 10 sleeping pills and he must have "dumped" them. I keep telling him that he needs to be more careful because he sure seems to dump his pills often. So, now it looks like we can add another pill to the ones he's abusing. Nothing like a slap in the face back to reality. Oh well. I guess I shouldn't have expected any less. On the brighter side, I found my old self while I was away. And I'm not willing to sink back into the tiredness that I had before. It reminded me how good it feels to do something for myself and to just feel good in general. I'd say my vacation was a huge success and Im soooo glad I went!!!
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Thanks Anvil. I totally recommend a vacation for anyone who can take one!
I guess my biggest question was if anyone knows anything about suboxone and if it will do anything for someone who doesn't think they have a problem. I remember his psychiatrist mentioning that most people really have to want help. They are supposedly going to talk about it "after his knee is healed" (he had surgery and the pain is persisting).
Anyone else been in a similar situation. I'm not sure what to think.
Thanks!
I guess my biggest question was if anyone knows anything about suboxone and if it will do anything for someone who doesn't think they have a problem. I remember his psychiatrist mentioning that most people really have to want help. They are supposedly going to talk about it "after his knee is healed" (he had surgery and the pain is persisting).
Anyone else been in a similar situation. I'm not sure what to think.
Thanks!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Your vacation sounds wonderful and I am glad you found the peace you were looking for.
Sometimes it helps to just take a giant step back and refocus on our own life. You saw firsthand the benefit of that, and I think that will help you in the future.
We have choices, and the more we take care of ourselves, the healthier the choices are that we make.
Hugs
Sometimes it helps to just take a giant step back and refocus on our own life. You saw firsthand the benefit of that, and I think that will help you in the future.
We have choices, and the more we take care of ourselves, the healthier the choices are that we make.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
glad you had a good trip. you had a great trip & a good time. it is time now to face reality again. he is still using & it is time to make a decision about what you want to do & what you want out of life. hugs & prayers,
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Thanks everyone for your replies. I know he's still abusing the meds, but I guess I was overly filled with hope that when (if) he tries the suboxone that things might get better. I felt good after my trip... he was going to do something to make things better... all was looking up... right???
Okay, reality tells me probably not. But geez... there's still that BUT WHAT IF! His Dr. had told me how he's seen a total change in people after they start on suboxone. He says that the addiction takes up so much of the person's attention and they don't even realize it. When they start on suboxone, it puts the focus back on their life. But I think this is mostly for people who realize they have a problem and want to fix it. I don't know if it's even more dangerous for him to go on suboxone if he would still try to abuse other meds while on it? Or if it would make him not want to abuse the other meds either? I know I should not get my hopes up because he's not actually on it and may not go on it at all.
I guess it was just something to hang on to to make myself feel better that there might be better times ahead. I've never been so up and down in my life. One day "knowing" I have to leave... a few days later thinking things will be okay. Dang roller coaster!
Okay, reality tells me probably not. But geez... there's still that BUT WHAT IF! His Dr. had told me how he's seen a total change in people after they start on suboxone. He says that the addiction takes up so much of the person's attention and they don't even realize it. When they start on suboxone, it puts the focus back on their life. But I think this is mostly for people who realize they have a problem and want to fix it. I don't know if it's even more dangerous for him to go on suboxone if he would still try to abuse other meds while on it? Or if it would make him not want to abuse the other meds either? I know I should not get my hopes up because he's not actually on it and may not go on it at all.
I guess it was just something to hang on to to make myself feel better that there might be better times ahead. I've never been so up and down in my life. One day "knowing" I have to leave... a few days later thinking things will be okay. Dang roller coaster!
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Yep, either it will work or it won't. Either he'll take it or he won't. He said that he talked to his dr. about it. Doesn't mean his doctor will even put him on it. If he doesn't believe that he's serious about it, he may just tell him it's not right for him right now. I've been waiting for him to make ANY step toward ANY version of recovery. When he told me this, I guess I just jumped on it as a step. But it's not really. Like everyone says, it's just words for now. And he doesn't WANT recovery. Just wants me to stop worrying so he can carry on with being a functioning A and so I will leave him alone about it.
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