Freedom1990

I think you need to keep doing what you're doing because apparently it is working for you on some level.

kj3880

Try this on for size: You do what you want, go dancing with the folks, spend your money as you see fit and take care of your child(ren), and live a happy life. Let her figure out how to make enough money for her filthy cancer sticks and whatever other sundry needs she has. After all, she's already living and eating for free off of you. Why should you provide her with an allowance as though she's a spoiled child? Here's a picture of my life, at one year clean of opiates:
I work full time and overtime (about 55-60 hours a week)
I go to NA meetings most nights
I raise a teenager alone
I am putting a daughter through college, with no help from her dad.
I pay car payments
I pay morgage payments
I pay utility bills
I talk to a sponsor daily
I work steps
I have a network of clean recovery friends that I keep in close touch with
I don't talk to anyone who uses drugs
I stay away from bars and other alcohol situations for now
I go to my doc appts on time.
I take my meds exactly as prescribed.
I post here.
I help newcomers and do service work.

Get the idea? If she's really trying to recover, part of it is being a productive member of society. Stop letting her lean on you so that she's forced to find out how strong she really is. She may surprise you. Would you be OK if she could actually support herself, or is that going to make you really feel useless? A lot of codependent people are heavily invested in the using partner staying dependent on them, because they are scared that if they become capable adults, they may leave.

Love,
KJ

lostheart

I have been in relationships that dependency on each other was not needed to make me function. I have lived alone and functioned just fine w/o having to help someone.

Thanks for the insight though. We are going to make this work thank you all so much for what help you have given.