ksh21e

This has been a rough week. It's been over a month since I've heard from my son, his last message being the "I'm leaving, don't know where I'm going, you'll probably never see me again" one. His birthday is Friday, he'll be 23.

When he first got kicked out of rehab (after eight months sober), he said he thought he could get back in in a couple days. I don't know if he was able to or not. Since it's a confidential program, they won't tell me if he's there. So even though I don't know whether he's there or not, I still sent a birthday card there just in case. I can't fathom letting his birthday go by without at least attempting to let him know we love him. I suppose if I get the card back I'll know for sure he's on the streets. Honestly, I'd rather not have confirmation of that. I'd rather be ignorant and just hoping that he's someplace safe.

Last Friday, out of some mistaken thought that I could look online for hints on finding him, I googled something along the lines of "finding missing adults." BIG, BIG MISTAKE! There were pages and pages and pages and pages of missing adults, some missing for years! I had no idea. I was absolutely knocked to my knees thinking that I may have to add my son's picture to one of these pages someday.

I guess I need help detaching or something. Any thoughts on how you all have successfully detached would be greatly appreciated. I'm trying to read my literature and stay physically busy, which works in short spurts; but before I know it, he's back in my head. Maybe once his birthday has passed it won't be so hard. I sure hope so ...

Freedom1990

I spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning over my oldest AD.

I finally hit a bottom.

She's a clever girl, never been homeless for more than 24 hours. She's been kicked out of rehab because she thought it was her own personal bed and breakfast. She's done numerous stays in jail. She's overdosed in front of her own children, and lost custody. She rolled a van when she had those kids in it (back when she still had custody). Now she's waiting on her final psychiatric evaluation so she can start collecting disability at the tender age of 31 for the rest of her life, she already has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease from smoking pot on a daily basis, has lost many teeth from her days of doing meth, is obese now from her poor dietary habits.

The longest she's gone without contacting me is 4 months.

I don't worry anymore. I've turned her over to God. All the worrying that I did, the pacing, handwringing, pleading with her, getting angry with her, none of it changed the course of events.

All it did was make me tired, crazy, and spiritually sick.

I trust God has a plan for her. I have faith in that plan, and that does bring me comfort and peace of mind.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

jerect

(((((((KSH31e))))))))

How awful it must be to not know where your son is, to not know how he is. My heart goes out to you..

For me, I work my program best by first and foremost, letting go and putting my addict in the hands of my HP. It took a lot of work to let go but one day the pain of hanging on was just to much and letting go just seemed like an easier option and now I know it was the best option.

The other thing I do is just live one day at a time and focus on taking care of me and making sure that my needs and well being are being taken care of.. It was a very hard thing for a codie like me to do because I was always used to taking care of everyone else.

I wish there was something that I could say that could ease your pain..

You will be in my prayers tonight.. May God give you the strength to get through each day and may God be with your son wherever he might be..

Hugs

Jen

BBD

That has got to be so hard. It has to be almost impossible to detach when you haven't a clue where he is. Detaching and knowing is one thing but detaching and not knowing whats up is another. My heart and hugs are sent to you hon.....I'm praying you don't get that birthday card back...then you can work on detaching....Smiles, Bonnie

BohemiMamaof3

I could echo this completely regarding my Abrother, just changing some of the details and d.o.c.s. All of the time we spend "obsessing" over them is ultimately futile. However, it's so easy for me to see it in your post (((ksh21e))), and difficult for me to apply it to myself. Like Freedom1990's daughter, my abro has a long standing addiction with bouts of od's, near-death, severe health problems, jail, prison, etc., and he has never been homeless long either, he always finds somewhere to land, and he does so much better for longer periods when he finds his own way to the help and re-habs and programs. I was reading through the stickies here and in the Fam. of Alcoholics forum, and that can give you help and suggestions. Please take it from us and do something good and productive for yourself. The BEST thing you can do is PRAY for your son.
Here's a good link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...feel-like.html

MyJoey

I just wanted to say how sorry I am, I just hate addiction. (((Hugs and Support)))

Impurrfect

(((Ksh)))

I'm a recovering addict and codie. When I was using, I was in a town 2 hours from my family. I rarely contacted them. It wasn't that I didn't love them...I just didn't want to feel the guilt, I knew I would, when I heard my dad's voice. I only had one thing on my mind, and that was drugs. I'm not proud of this, at all, but it was what it was.

I have a stepsister who is also an addict. We don't hear from her for months, either. Last we heard, from her daughter, was that she was in jail or prison. This is her 2nd or 3rd time behind bars, she has also been in rehab. I have to turn her over to HP, though I know it's not the same as when it is your child.

I did the homeless thing...snuck in vacant apartments or stayed in the dope houses. I could have easily afforded a motel room, but I'd rather spend the money on crack. We A's are resourceful, and I was hard-headed. I was going to do things MY way, until I hit bottom. My bottom was getting hit with a lot of consequences. I found recovery because I got sick and tired of all the bad consequences, and my family loved me enough to let me face them.

I wish I had better advice. I just want you to know that he's not contacting you because he doesn't love you. He does. No matter how far down I spiraled into my addiction (and it was pretty darned low), I always loved my family.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hope213

i know it is hard on you & i do hope you do not get the card back. most addict have a ring of "friends" that they go to. the only way i survive my sons addiction is to pray for him every morning & turn him over to my h.p. my recovery has taken a lot of hard work. i must admit it has taken me yrs to get where i am. the work has paid off. today i have a peaceful mind & i can let go & let God. sending up prayers for you & your son.

Seren

Hugs! It is hard not knowing. My fiance's addict son has not been seen or heard from now for about 1 week. He seems to occasionally pop up via e-mail or by just showing up at his father's office. I occasionally check the detention center website.....

There are members here who have not seen their adult children in years (Ann), and I can only just imagine how hard that must be. I try to keep in mind that his life and lifestyle are his choice, and no amount of energy we expend will change his decisions. He is in the hands of his HP now (a much better supervisor than we could ever be).

Hugs and prayers for you and your son! HG

Serenity Bound

Sending more prayers for both you & your son. I know how very hard it can be to "Let Go & Let God", been practicing for years. I do know that when I do, I sleep and live a whole lot easier.

Hugs,
Chris

gotahavfaith

:praying

I am also sending Hugs and Prayers to you and your son.

Gotahavfaith