No Contact with Child Visitation??
 

Hi all,
My ABF, with whom I have 2 little ones, is currently not living in our house. I, "naturally", waver back and forth on contact/breaking up totally/still being a couple. I far too often give in to his requests for enabling money (he has believable reasons that I have great doubts about but can't handle the anger, etc when I say no.) It is because of this giving in on my part that I seriously consider No Contact.

My question is "If I gather the strength for No Contact, what can we do about visitation for the little ones?"

FYI, his DOC is opiates and he appears normal when not withdrawing or on WAY too much.

Thanks again,

wow that is a hard one, i know for myself when i was using my parents had my son and it was no contact till i could straighten up for the safety of my son, physically and emotionally. it wasn't fair to him to come and go even if it was a visitation, because then i started changing times cause i was out trying to get something or whatever like i was sick so it was not scheduled i was to out for myself to have it scheduled i would always change the time like if it would be set at 12 on sundays i would make it maybe 10 percent of the time at that time but usually it was whenever i was done coping my dope. or i would miss because i was "sick" and couldn't get over there till i got something. anyways point being it wasn't fair to my son i was totally selfish to even ask for visitations. it wasn't what was best for my son. my family just told him mommy is sick and its not safe for her to be here right now. i figure he is to young for the talk about adddiction. but each child is diffrent. i had to sit down and really think am i sad and want to make me feel better by seeing my son? is that going to make me feel better? how will he feel when i have to leave again? they don't understand it. just my experience with it. now i am sober and i am a totally diffrent person and i look back and i am sad for the time i missed, yes, but i am glad i didn't visit. i wouldn't know what to do with myself if i would of hurt him in anyway.

Do you have a family member or friend who could take the kids to a place where your ABF could pick them up? Then there would be no reason for you to see him or talk to him.

If you know he's still using, though, I would recommend supervised visitations. Maybe a friend or familty member could supervise the visitations?

Good Luck!





Sue

Given he is hitting you up for money, is he contributing anything to the wellbeing of his family?

You need some strong boundaries that you are sure you can enforce.
The safety and wellbeing of your children must be first and foremost. As moms - what we want has to be second to what is best for our children.

If he is using, then you must look out for your little ones first & foremost. I would suggest supervised visits, perhaps with a family member (NOT you) present. Right now my AD (she's in recovery) and her H (she has a NO contact in force) use me as the go between. When it is time for my SIL to pick up or drop off the 1yo, we meet somewhere other than my home (which is where AD is living right now.)

You can make arrangements to have them dropped off at your locate police station if you have no one to help you. If he is using why would you want him to be around those kids, and put them in harms way? I would not worry about him have visitation until he is clean.

YOu have to make that choice for your childern and first you have to make that choice for you. No contact means no contact.