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Old 03-23-2009, 04:57 PM
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rozied
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More BS Today

I called my parents a little while ago to tell my mom what a good time we all had yesterday & to tell her my sister called me. She winds up telling me she got a letter from Joey & he needs $200 to cover gambling debts he made in jail. He also said not to tell me. This is the very reason I thought he was mad at me cuz in Jan I accused him of gambling & I didn't hear from him since.
I told my mom not to send him a dime & to throw the letter out. She kept going on & on about what he said until I found myself getting upset. So I tried to tell her I don't want to hear it & she got mad at me & hung up on me.
I am so disgusted. He cannot even keep out of trouble in jail. I swear he will never learn.
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:02 PM
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My heart goes out to you rozied.

The bull**** never ends, the only thing we can do is let it go. Sounds like you are doing that. I hope you can get your mom to stop filling you in so you can have some peace.
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:17 PM
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Just a suggestion.

Start setting some boundaries, and that includes with your mother.

"Mom, I don't want to hear anything about what Joey writes you, end of story."

She is a grown woman, and although I can appreciate what you are trying to do in telling her not to send him the money, it's not your place to tell her that.

Send him the letter you have written.

I just see a blurring of boundaries in so many areas. Your youngest son doesn't have clearly defined boundaries with the ex. You don't have clearly defined boundaries with your youngest son. You were starting to set boundaries with Joey, but then you put the letter back, thinking you were too harsh.

Now Joey's trying to 'hook' into your mother because he knows better than to ask you for the money, and your mother dumps on you over the phone.

My mother does this to me constantly. She starts to dump her garbage over things I have zero control over and I terminate the conversation.

She'll get the message for awhile. She starts it up again, I terminate the conversations again.

You must define boundaries or you are going to have this continual dance of dysfunction, whether it's with your mother, Joey, your youngest, or his ex (even if it's indirectly, like the money for gas).

Do you enjoy being frustrated and angry? If not, get a backbone and set boundaries.

It was hard for me to do, but by God it sure felt good when I did, and I did not care if other people got upset. My peace of mind was more important than pleasing others.
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:41 PM
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rozied
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Devon, You are exactely right. I must set clear cut boundaries with all of them. Oh I did mail that letter to Joey this afternoon. As far as my mother goes I will be alot firmer with her also & if she won't stop I will end the conversation. I have had eough of all of them I just want peace.
Thanks Devon for telling me straight.
Diane
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:50 PM
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Rozied, I think what you are about to do (setting boundaries with all of them) will set you free. Sending you all the support & hugs you need.
:ghug3
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Old 03-23-2009, 05:51 PM
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Gezzzz what is it with these boys named JOEY! I don't think any of them get it. Sorry Diane, I know that is upsetting. Just throw it way and forget it, there is nothing you can do. Julie
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Old 03-23-2009, 06:40 PM
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[QUOTE=MyJoey;2161889]Gezzzz what is it with these boys named JOEY!

I think there is something to that. My ex's cousin just died from an overdose and his name was Joey. God rest his soul.
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Old 03-23-2009, 07:30 PM
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Originally Posted by rozied View Post
Devon, You are exactely right. I must set clear cut boundaries with all of them. Oh I did mail that letter to Joey this afternoon. As far as my mother goes I will be alot firmer with her also & if she won't stop I will end the conversation. I have had eough of all of them I just want peace.
Thanks Devon for telling me straight.
Diane

I understand wanting peace. I finally got to a point where I said enough is enough!

Good for you for mailing that letter. You take care of you! How about a nice warm bubble bath with candles and music?

:ghug :ghug :ghug
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Old 03-23-2009, 07:39 PM
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This reminds me of something I read in "A Course in Miracles":

"It is not in another's actions but in our own reaction that our salvation can be found"

Take good care ((((rozied)))))
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Old 03-23-2009, 08:03 PM
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Rozied,
My oldest AS was also calling my MIL for a while when he was in prison because she wasn't "on" to him yet. She let herself be used for a long time until she hit her bottom, and stopped giving him money.

I always had a difficult time believing whatever my son said in jail. $200 for a gambling debt? Not sure if I'd believe that or not.

Even so, it's his problem and no one elses.

Hugs to you....
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Old 03-23-2009, 08:07 PM
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You got some good advice here.
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Old 03-24-2009, 03:57 AM
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rozied
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You know I think you are right about these guys named Joey. I named him Joseph & he requests evryone call him Joey. Maybe I'll start calling him Joseph again & hope that makes a difference. Its worth a shot as nothing else seems to be working. HaHa
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Old 03-24-2009, 09:25 AM
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I understand what your mother is going thru and you. If you do not want to talk about your brother keep telling her not to talk about him with you. Have you told her that you do not want to see her upset and that it bothers you and makes you mad when you talk about him.
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